Riddle me this – what’s something we all like to receive, but never like to give? If your first thought was money, you’re on the right track! Interpersonally however, there’s something much less superficial we dislike giving, and that’s the word “sorry.” May it be a reaction to guilt, an offer of condolence or a realization of poor decision making, the word sorry brings forth a plethora of connotations that put our dignity at risk – a situation we never like to find ourselves in. Fortunately, if we concentrate enough and find the right balance of confidence and moral ethics, there are ways we can avoid ever having to use this five letter word.

1. Nothing Can Change The Past

As adults we have all made regretful decisions, and, fortunately, survived them. We know how to move on and to accept the consequences of the past. You know this, and the person you are dealing with knows this. So, why should we say sorry? There are ways to apologize for poor decision making without having to use the word sorry. Instead, recognize that you could have chosen a different path, but defend the reason you went the way you did. It will clarify the situation and help alleviate any heavy confrontation by leveraging the situation.

2. You Are Not Really Sorry For Anything

We are all on this earth enjoying a great life, and we all know that eventually it must come to an end. Our grievances during the stage of death are not to be taken for granted. We lose people that are very special to us, and as we age it happens at a much more prevalent pace. It is automatic verbatim for us to extend our “apologies” at the passing of a friend’s relative, but, why? What exactly are we sorry for? There are different expressions we could use to alleviate stress. Try acknowledging the wonderful life they lived, and the fortune that we are all still here to enjoy their familial legacy. It respects the dead and gives homage to the future.

3. You Did Nothing Wrong

The truth is, it’s hard to be in a relationship. When you are close with another person, your emotions and experiences are intertwined at a distinctly intimate level. When we err, we often find ourselves apologizing for nothing we did wrong in the first place! And the worst part is, we know it.

If we are in an asian culture, we would call this “saving face.” But we don’t have to save, or lose face, if we are mature adults who can see the forest for the trees. We are not children anymore, and part of growing up is developing mature and sound relationships. In this perspective, if we can propagate a relationship built on foundations of trust and honour, we will find that we will never have to apologize for anything because we know that the other person made their decision for a reason and we can understand it civilly.

4. Accepting Defeat Conversely

There are some things we cannot repair so quickly. Some decisions we make are impulsive, worthy of regret, made outside a healthy frame of mind, or a bit more selfish than we intended. That’s ok – no one is perfect. Fortunately, if we can mature to a reasonable level and be able to accept the consequences of all of our decisions, we can recognize the long term effects and be able to act positively on it. Instead of saying sorry, to ourselves our to others, we can bow our head, consider the effects of our choice, and immediately begin reparations for a better, and wiser future.

Remember, every opportunity to say sorry is a learning experience.

5. Believe In Yourself

If you examine your circle of friends and acquaintances, take a mental poll of who and when certain individuals say sorry. I guarantee that you will find that your most confident friends say sorry less. Why is this? It is easy to write it off as arrogance – perhaps these people have personalities that come off as too strong, or their assuredness seems too poignant. But most likely they are not arrogant people – they are confident people. They have strong personalities because they are proud to believe in the morals they have grown into, and can defend their decision making with rational explanations. In the event of err, “sorry,” will not be heard, but instead a sound and methodical explanation can be heard to back up their opinion. Whether you agree with them or not is up to your moral fabric, but they did not have to sacrifice their moral pillar to do so.

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We’ve all read the news today. Millennials have taken over this generation, raised on an attitude of self-importance, emotional worth and being told that they are unique. And I say, what’s wrong with that? Thanks to this attitude we now have a new generation of individually thinking, strong willed entrepreneurs who have changed our lives. Without these bright young minds, we wouldn’t have things Uber, Angry Birds, or drone aircraft technology.

The difference between then and now rests in one word – passion. These are young minds who felt that their contribution could be felt. They were willing to put responsible judgment and natural course on hold to invest in their passion. And it was worth it. Here are some reasons why you should not be afraid to trust in your dreams.

1. Live Your Only Life

Despite the overuse of the expression these days, you only live once is something you should seriously consider. Unfortunately for us mortals, it is true, and in no demographic has it reached home more than with our children and Millennials. Kids these days have dropped out of school to follow their passions, travel the world and hone their talents. And…why not? Without attitudes like this, today we wouldn’t have companies like Microsoft, Pixar, Apple, and a wealth of other world-changing corporations that positively affect all of our daily lives now. Brilliant ideas come from people who look for them, use their time to develop their interests and engage their desires.

2. Don’t Be Afraid Of Failure

At this stage in our life, we have all developed a huge social network, whether in real life, online, or both. Some of our friends are most certainly entrepreneurs; and unfortunately, some of them have failed. We have watched our friends go through the motions of entrepreneurship, from idea, develop, creation, execution, and for this example, the way down as well. But the one thing they all have in common is that they tried. They tried and they did it. With all factors stacked against them, they still carried on, putting everything and anything at stake, because they were following their dreams. And like step 1 resonates, they lived their dream with their only life. Cheers to them.

3. Believe In Your Security Net

If you are lucky enough to be reading this from a developed country, congratulations – you have won the genetic lottery. Our weather is nice and our incomes are relatively high, considering the rest of the world. And this is something the people from step 2 know. They know that no matter if their business succeeds or fails, we are lucky that we have a strong security net of family, friends, or even acquaintances, that can pull us out of trouble even in our darkest moments. That even if we lose $100,000 in our failed business, it’s not the end of the world. They are strong enough to know that sleeping on a couch is not the worst fate in the world. And that even if we have to lose some dignity along the way, every subsequent day will be better than the last.

4. Pull The Trigger

As you might imagine, many of my friends are in online retail. They get to travel the world, work casually from a desk while they order their products, and work 8 hour weeks. But behind the thousands of online sellers living the dream are a million others, watching and wishing.

What’s the difference between these two people? It’s that the people who are selling online finally pulled the trigger. They knew there was high risk. That they could lose money. That their product might fail. But they weren’t afraid to try. They saw the risk, and ran straight for the opportunity, no holds barred. And now while millions of others are still hiding behind their desk with uncertainty, the thousands who went ahead are now sipping mojitos on a beach, watching their bank accounts soar.

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The human mind is wonderful, but it is not perfect. Cognitive biases, for instance, are genuine limitations in our thinking of which we are not consciously aware. Influencing the decisions we make, the views we uphold, or the conclusions we reach, often in a detrimental way, cognitive biases cannot be altogether eliminated, but they can be kept in check through the power of mindfulness.

There are hundreds of cognitive biases, but some have a more significant impact on our lives than others. The following seven cognitive biases are some of the most problematic. Understanding them can help us increase our success in everyday life as well as our self-awareness.

The Choice-Supportive Bias

When we make a choice, we tend to feel good about it and to downplay the benefits our other option(s) could have offered us – psychologists call this the choice-supportive bias. It affects our ability to question our choices and recognize when we’ve made poor choices. It can make us stubbornly persistent in defending our choices, even if they have not been as inspired as we like to believe.

When we hesitate between two careers, two cities, or two people, and in the end we choose one over the other, we may then go on telling ourselves and others all our life that we’ve made the right choice, even if things don’t turn out as we’d hoped they would. Knowing that there is such a thing as a choice-supportive bias can be enough for us to reconsider a past choice before it is too late. We can make a new choice: we can choose to transform our life.

The Information Bias

We have a natural tendency to seek more information than we need. This cognitive bias can be especially dangerous in our times, when the easy availability of information on the Internet can lead to information overload. Because of the information bias, for instance, we may be tempted to read as many self-help books and articles as possible about a particular personal problem we are facing, thinking that the more information we have, the more prepared we will be to deal with it.

But this is not always true. Our predictions, as well as our actions, can be more accurate and more decisive when they are based on less information. In other words, it may be more beneficial for us, as well as for those around us, if we actually act based on the self-help materials we already have rather than hear the same advice repeated over and over again in a different form. The urge to consume information can itself be a way to delay taking decisive, life-changing action.

The Survivorship Bias

In our choice of a job or career, we may be inspired by one individual who has succeeded in that field against all the odds, and whose situation before he or she was successful mirrors our present situation. However, we must be wary of the survivorship bias, which is essentially the error of focusing on surviving examples, in our case the successful individual, while failing to consider other examples that are not visible, i.e. all those individuals who failed.

It doesn’t have to be a discouraging bias, though, only a sobering one – before making up our minds about something important, we should consider not only the few successful examples that get all the publicity, but also the many obscure and forgotten failures.

The Myside Bias (or Confirmation Bias)

In simple terms, the confirmation bias is the unconscious act of favoring and interpreting information in a way that confirms our existing beliefs while downplaying alternatives. We have a natural tendency to agree with those who agree with us or read books that confirm ideas and beliefs we already have. At the same time, we can dislike people who hold different views than us, or books or websites that challenge our existing views.

This bias is such a big part of who we are that it is bound to influence almost all areas of our life. Nevertheless, we can make the conscious effort to be more open to ideas and beliefs that contradict our own, and more patient with the people who express them. We don’t have to agree with them, but if we can refrain from contradicting them, we can forge better human relationships, as well as expand our mind with different perspectives.

The Post-Purchase Rationalization Bias

We sometimes buy things we don’t really need, and yet we rationalize our purchase, telling ourselves and whoever questions us about it that it was an inspired decision. This is the post-purchase rationalization bias in action. Without our realizing it, it can sabotage our plans and dreams by having us accept our purchase decisions unconditionally and, by doing so, spend the money we work hard for instead of using it to help support our passions and dreams.

It applies not only to personal buying decisions but also to business decisions – because of this bias we may validate services or products we buy for our company or business or that we think may help advance our career, when in fact they don’t. One way to minimize the occurrence of this bias in our life is not to buy products or services we don’t absolutely need.

The Negativity Bias

Bad news and unpleasant incidents in general always have a strong grip on us. It’s because our selective attention naturally focuses on the bad news rather than on the good, often because the consequences of the former are more serious and long-lasting. While this cognitive bias may have helped our species evolve, today, when bad news makes all the headlines, it can negatively affect our attitude to life.

When that bad news is close to home, such as when our partner tells us something we don’t want to hear, it can hit us especially hard, making us pay little attention any good news that’s also given us. This bias can sow much negativity in our mind, which then reflects in our attitude toward society and other people. We must stay positive.

Observational Selection Bias

When we are unemployed and looking for a job, we tend to notice people who work everywhere, and we envy them. Similarly, when we find ourselves single after a relationship, we tend to see couples everywhere and feel lonely and sad. It may seem natural, but it can be explained even better by the observational selection bias, which makes us notice things we didn’t pay that much attention to before and which we may mistakenly assume occur more frequently now than they used to.

This bias may give rise to the false perception that so many other people are better off than us, making us suffer even more. But that is not true – our mind only focuses on what we lack, constantly reminding us of it.

Recognizing and understanding these cognitive biases means more than reading about them. You have to make a conscious effort to understand them when they kick into action. It takes some effort, but it will make you more successful and more aware – a better person all-round.

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