Happy life anyone? Who doesn’t want a happy life? We work, we stress, we run around like crazy, kids, family, home, work, extracurricular activities, life sure is super busy. When do es it get fun? It seems in today’s way of life, we are all working ourselves to the bone in hopes of making ends meet, keeping a nice roof over our heads, making sure there is enough money for little Emily to go to university in 15 years. Yes, life is tough. But there are some things you can start doing today to make life better.

Life doesn’t have to be so hard or unhappy. It is simply as hard as you make it out to be. Here are a few ways to get the most out of life and try to actually enjoy it and not stress so much.

1. Treat yourself daily.

Even to something small like an ice cream cone. Take 5 minutes, more if you can, and go get yourself a nice treat. Something that will make you ridiculously happy. Maybe a flavoured coffee at your favourite café or French fries from the chip stand. Whatever you decide, do it for you.

2. Donate.

When we can help someone else, you are guaranteed to feel better. You can donate clothes to your local shelter or donate time if you have it. Even an hour a week. Perhaps you can donate even $5 a week to the pet shelter. No matter what you decide, it will surely make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You’ll want to do it all the time.

3. Meditate.

Some people still have resistance to this stating they don’t have enough time to meditate or they can’t calm down long enough to do it. Meditation takes a bit of practice but I guarantee, you can get a good session in, in under 10 minutes. Start practicing. You’ll get the hang of it and soon you won’t be able to go a day without doing it.

4. Smile more.

Sounds simple enough but why don’t more of us do it if it’s so simple? We are afraid of looking like weirdos walking down the street with a silly grin on our faces but do it anyway and see how much happier you instantly feel. People will smile back. How can that not make your day better?

5. Read inspirational quotes.

Every day for at least 5 minutes you should do this and read then out loud. Hear yourself reading them. Say them with meaning and enthusiasm. Today will be an awesome day. Say it again and again. Read lots of different ones or the same one over and over again. However, you choose to do it, make sure you do it. It will instantly make you feel optimistic and look forward to having a great day.

6. Treat a stranger to kindness.

Buy someone a cup of coffee, a homeless person lunch, walk an elderly person across the street. Do something nice for someone you don’t know. A stranger. The world needs more kind and helpful people. If you can’t find one, be one. When we can help someone who can’t help us back, the feeling equates to pure joy.

7. Get some fresh air.

Some people who may work from home or not work at all tend to lock themselves up and not leave the house for days. You need to get some vitamin D in you and some fresh air. Once you get outside you will see great things like butterflies and chipmunks and all sorts of other ridiculously cute critters. That will make you appreciate the beauty of nature. Go outside more. Do it daily if you can even for 30 minutes.

8. Exercise.

3 times a week, 30 minutes each time. Trust me on this one. Once you start, the adrenalin rush is like nothing you’ve ever felt before. You will feel strong and empowered and healthy and you may even feel leaner and more toned. It’s possible. And it’s a great feeling. Exercise makes us happy.

9. Schedule some me time.

Even if it’s only after all the kids have been put to bed or after all your work is done. Whenever it is, mark it on the calendar and do it daily. 15 minutes. Grab a book, get in a nice hot tub, listen to some chill music, whatever makes your soul happy, do that daily.

10. Journal.

Either in the morning or the evening, start journaling. It can be a gratitude journal or a hopes and dreams journal or maybe even just your thoughts. Write every day, what you feel, think or want. It’s writing for the soul and it will certainly make you happy.

What kind of things make you happy and help you have a better life? Share them with the other readers below.

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The comfort zone. A place of coziness and familiarity. We like it there because it’s just so safe. Nothing changes there and that’s ok. We don’t really like change anyway, or do we? You hear it all the time. Get out of your comfort zone. But why should we? What so special about things outside of our comfort zone?

It’s true. The comfort zone certainly is a safe and cushy place to be but we can’t go on living there forever. That’s not living anymore, that’s just existing and waiting for the end to come. There is a whole big beautiful life outside of that zone. Here are a few reasons why it might be time to get out there.

1. Broaden your horizons.

Another cliché but this one has good a purpose. We can learn a lot from the internet, books we read or watching tv. Imagine how much more you can learn and discover when you get out and talk to people who actually did the things you are reading about. Get the real story right from the horse’s mouth and make a new friend at the same time.

2. People really are great.

Speaking of people, your next best friend could be outside of your comfort zone. Some of us long to have that one person that you just connect with instantly but often we don’t know where to look and doubt that person even exists. That person might be at the library or the coffee shop. You go by these places every day on your way to or from work, why not stop in and see what’s going on? There might be someone just like you, hoping to meet someone just like you.

3. New experiences equal new passions.

It’s when we get out and try new things, things that maybe we’ve only ever dreamed of or thought of, that we can discover if we like them, love them, or if they are the key to our purpose or passion. When you get out of your comfort zone and actually try the things you’ve always been thinking about, that’s living. You’re not dreaming anymore.

4. Great stories.

Who doesn’t love a good story? You can talk about that time when you went sailing and the waters are rough and you saw a tuna the size of a house, you get the idea. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to be on the story telling side for a change instead of always being just the listener? There is a wonderful satisfaction in saying, yes I did that. Great personal satisfaction.

5. Got a bucket list?

They aren’t just for writing things out and reading them over and over again and dreaming. Write it out, do it. You might have some big bold fears to face as you knock things off your bucket list but that’s ok. Life isn’t meant to live on your favourite couch just writing out your dreams and reading about them. Life wants you to go out and get to those things you’ve always wanted to do. Go do them.

6. Yes, you can be an inspiration.

We don’t think of ourselves as inspirational or motivational or anything like but did you know if you get out and do at least one thing out of your comfort zone you may very well be the inspiration that someone needed to step out of their zones. You may not know it and they may not come out and thank you or tell you but know that you just may be that person who gave someone the push they needed. Be someone’s inspiration.

7. What’s next?

Once you get started stepping out of your zone and trying things suddenly you will realize that there are actually many more things you would like to do but never thought were possible because you were stuck in a zone.  When you get a taste of how fun and beautiful life really is out of that zone, the sky is the limit.

Have you been thinking it’s time to get out and do things? Have you been feeling antsy and restless? Those are your signs, your clues, it’s time to get out and do things, go live life. From the other side of your comfort zone.

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You know the saying, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”? I’ve learned that this phrase can be quite relevant to our search for happiness. The most difficult thing about being happy is being able to identify the actions you took to get there or the things in life that brought you joy. Honestly, I often don’t recognize the things in my life that make me truly happy until I’ve been put in a place where I have to sacrifice to keep them.

Sacrifice is the surrender of something desirable for the sake of something else regarded as more important. The term brings to mind the first time I was faced with a difficult decision regarding my happiness and sacrifice, a time when I was much younger, full of teenage angst and angry at the world.

When I was fifteen years old, my parents did not live together, my father had remarried and was living in a different town than my mother and I. Like all teenage girls, I thought my mother was a cruel and unbearable woman who treated me like a child despite my obvious maturity. (Yikes!) I wanted desperately to move away from home the instant I turned sixteen because only then could I be happy.

One Saturday morning, sitting on my father’s patio, I told him about my plan. I told him that I was going to rent my own apartment when I turned sixteen. I was going to work part-time while I finished high school and then get a scholarship to go to university. I had such a good plan, don’t you think? My dad’s response was the exact same response I got from him every time I dumped a huge pile of information on him unexpectedly. All I ever got was a “huh.” It was never a question, just a sound of acknowledgment.

After he seemed to digest the news. He said, “Okay, what’s your plan?” Of course, I was thinking, how stupid, I just told you my plan. But dad was a details guy when it came to plans, so he wanted to help me create a much clearer picture of what my intentions were.

He pushed his crossword puzzle and coffee aside, got out his yellow paper pad and we started outlining everything I would need to move out on my own. He listed furniture, dishes and cooking supplies, and towels and bedding. He added things I had not considered, like paying for utilities and groceries, my own school supplies and clothing. After he tallied up my monthly expenses (whopping to me at the time!) he calculated how many hours a week I would need to work at minimum wage in order to stay afloat.

I remember being shocked at the number of hours I would have to work. I was a very active teenager. I was involved in several choirs, baseball, church groups, and other extra-curricular activities. I knew that I could not manage all of those activities, plus time with friends and keep my grades hovering around the ‘A’ mark.

My dad asked me one simple question:  Are you willing to give all that up, to live on your own? He obviously knew the answer. He knew the answer before he set aside his coffee. The truth was, all my activities made me very happy, and I hated the thought of losing them. But I had to let go of the idea of moving out in order to keep those things.

Happiness isn’t about having it all. Happiness isn’t having everything be 100% all the time. It’s just not realistic to expect that the world will be sunshine and roses every second of every day.

I’ve learned to be truly happy, you need to sacrifice some things in order to keep the things that really bring you joy and enrich your life. To be happy, we have to look at the big picture of our lives instead of focusing on the little irritating things that squirm their way into our day.

To be happy, we need to be grateful for what we have, instead of looking at what we don’t have. When I was fifteen, I had a mom who put a roof over my head and paid for all of my crazy activities. I had a dad who took the time to let me make a hard decision for myself, instead of just telling me “No”. When I was fifteen, I had every reason to be happy (even if I didn’t know it then!)

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Can you recall the last time you got “triggered?”

Perhaps it was a throwaway line by a colleague, the sudden changed reaction of someone you were in a conversation with or the family member who appears to be forever taking a swipe?

From being your calm even self, within seconds your physiology had been activated almost as if there was a sabre-tooth tiger in the room!

The neutrality of the conversation gone, thinking powers subdued and red lights flashing, a full throttle fight or flight had now taken over command.

And this you did with great flair, style and aplomb!

The only thing was that there was NO tiger present and you realized afterwards that you had over-reacted.

Needless to say, that particular conversation took a dive and the relationship now needs tending to.

Well – the good news is that you are not alone here.

We have all done this, haven’t we and realized afterwards that our interpretation of what happened was quite off-mark.

Simply put – we got triggered.

Triggers are Our Ammunition

Here’s the thing though – whenever we get triggered and hijacked by our strong, unexpected reaction  – it is a giveaway sign that there is a hidden barrier waiting for us to breakthrough with!

Our triggers are our ammunition for where we need to move beyond any earlier conditioning or beliefs about how we view certain things.

Unless we become more conscious of our triggers, we are more likely to do this:

1) Be on Automatic Pilot

We immediately become reactive when our ‘triggers’ get activated.  Carl Jung – the gifted grandfather of psychology referred to these as our ‘complexes.’  Typically, our reactions will be way beyond proportion to any intended message.

2) Emotional Eruption

We then get upset, angry, accusatory of the other person of how they have done “x,y,z”.  Even if the other party’s intent was not one to provoke you, being at the receiving end of your eruption, they may also get provoked.

3) Combat Zone

Now you are both in the boxing ring and the conversation has veered off where neither of you started. You are both in a combative mode with blows flying willy-nilly.

But it no longer needs to be this way!

Here are seven things you can do

The following actions will not only help you recognize, and understand your trigger but it will help you to keep your cool when you do get triggered.

It will give you a breather to respond in a better way and even save your relationship!

1) Know what and who your triggers are

We all have some things or certain people who trigger us more often than others.  Be mindful of these before you enter a situation with them.

For example, it could that family member who has a certain way of saying things, which just gets under your skin.  Or it could be when a staff member or colleague continues to do something that you have already had a discussion about.

Knowing this enables you to be forearmed and not being surprised each time, every time.

2) Become aware when you get triggered

This step is not too hard to miss, as you will notice changes in your body, mind and mood.  For example, you will notice the heart starts beating faster, you are sweating, your feel tension in the mind or body and suddenly your mood has changed from neutral to anger, flatness, or hurt.

Being self aware in this way then enables you to self manage better both of which are important skills of emotional intelligence.

3) Name your thoughts, feelings and reaction without making the other person the cause

Too often we go straight for the jugular and hold the other person responsible along the lines of, “Look what you have done now/or made me feel.”  Getting angry, shouting, screaming, calling names, snarling, make biting comments or other passive aggressive behaviours

Notice and own your feelings as your reaction. Take ownership – it gives you more power and options to come out on top.

Self-control is another dimension of being emotionally intelligent.

4) Breathe

A good way of keeping your cool is to become aware of your breath.  Focusing on your breath for the next few seconds will help your calm yourself and regain your composure.

It is a good way of buying time so you will be able to better respond, not react.  As Steven Covey has said, it is creating that gap between stimulus and response, which enables us to not be reactive.

5) Look at the context/bigger picture you are in

Remind yourself of the bigger picture of whatever situation you are in.

For example, in a project team, the inappropriate response of another colleague could perhaps be forgiven considering they are normally pretty on to it but are super stretched this time or a family member who has perhaps lost a job recently.

This allows us to have a bit more compassion and be kinder than our own ‘triggered’ first response taking precedence.

6) Take time out

In conflict situations, one thing we don’t do enough of is to remove ourselves and take time out.

Likewise, in situations we get triggered, it is not always easy to control our feelings and the best thing you can do is to say that you need some time out and take leave.

You can re-engage once you have gathered yourself.

Remember, our triggers may be a conditioned response to an earlier beliefs or situation which may no longer be appropriate or relevant.  Be prepared to challenge yourself on this as growth is just on the other side!

7) Reflect afterwards noting what you might do differently

Whatever you have done, review afterwards and identify what went well, what didn’t go so well and what you might do differently next time.

And remember to congratulate yourself for taking a step back, managing an old trigger and coming out on top!

Bringing it all together

As neuroscience has found, our neuronal pathways respond
in known ways.  The brain loves to take short cuts with the least amount of expenditure of energy.

Changing behavior patterns require a whole lot of
intention, attention and repetition.  But this can be done.

New neuronal pathways can be created. As has been said, “neurons that wire together, fire together”

So over to you now!

What has been your key takeout from this article, which you could put into practice next time you are triggered?

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