We’ve all been there. Fall in love, hang out there for awhile, a few months or years later, it falls apart, we break up, and then spend the next 2 years or more going back and forth, back and forth. We’re together, we’re not, we’re together, we’re not. It really is just a vicious cycle after awhile and one that we actually get so accustomed to, we just keep living it and hanging on to it. But why do we keep going back and how do we stop this cycle?

Going back to anything is done from our comfort zone. It was comfortable, we were safe there and we like to stay there. We don’t necessarily like it but change is far scarier. So we go back and forth. For a very long time. How do we stop this and why should we anyway?

1. Going back means back to the same old things.

If you think anything has changed you’re fooling yourself. We go back with empty promises of love and promises to do and be better. That usually lasts anywhere from 3-8 months before it all falls apart and goes right back to how it was. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Change has to take place inside and has to be sincere and assured. But you both have to want to change things that aren’t working or even toxic behaviours that maybe you are displaying (anger issues, lying issues, etc.). If neither one of you are ready to make these changes, you are going back to the same old stuff. What’s the point?

2. It’s time for something new.

By new I don’t just mean new partner. I mean new life. Going back brings you back to the old. It will be all fun and exciting an d new for the first few months but eventually you will end up with the same old routine you left. New is stepping out of and away from the safe zone. You know you want something new and better and different but you will never have it if you keep going back. Start moving forward instead and watch what happens.

3. Self worth and values will never grow.

If you left due to values and self worth issues, they will not change or grow if you keep going back. You left because you were being mentally, verbally and or emotionally abused. You were not treated with the respect, love and care you deserve. If your partner hasn’t changed or sought help for this bullying, you are just going back to the same treatment.  It didn’t go away when you left. It’s still there and will always be there until it is fixed.

4. Enabler.

Your partner has agreed and promised to do better. Many many times and you keep believing him/her, you go back and nothing has changed. You stay for a year, leave again, same promises, and you go back, repeat. See the pattern? Why should they change? You keep believing their empty promises which means the behaviour never has to change because you will return no matter what, even on false promises and they know that. This will never end. Why should it? They win, no matter what. Put your foot down and leave for good. Stop enabling lying behaviour.

5. You’re keeping yourself from a beautiful happy life.

And we all deserve happiness. All of us. The happiness you seek and deserve will never be found in the partner you keep returning to and you know that. Why did you leave and why do you keep leaving in the first place? If you were and are happy in that relationship, you would never leave anyway, so what makes you leave? You leave because you aren’t happy. Plain and simple. You won’t get happiness there. It’s an inside job.

Going back and forth with your ex is really just a waste of time if neither one of you have taken measures to improve your lives in any way shape or form. If you want to stay together, then work together to improve and work on the problems you two are experiencing. If only one of you is making changes and the other isn’t, that’s not a relationship. you are worthy of love and happiness. Make sure you seek it from within and walk away from anything that keeps you from that.

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June is drawing close, this is about the time New Year’s resolutions are laid to rest.

Buried under piles and piles of ‘to-dos’, the busy-ness of life and a waning belief in ourselves—that we can really ‘do it’ (clean eating and toned bodies are, after all, things that only happen to other people).

But…you know that something’s got to change. You can tell, because:  You’re growing more and more uncomfortable in your own body as the months go by—the lingering lethargy, your growing waistline and uneasy dissatisfaction with how your clothes fit are crawling under your skin. You’re enjoying your food a little too much. In fact, you enjoy it so much that you turn to it whenever you’re feeling stressed or anxious. You’re also starting to feel anxious around food because it’s all you seem to think about 24/7.

So how do you get back on horse without falling off again just weeks or months later?

Here are five things that help get me back on my feet and moving forward when my journey towards my goals come to a halt:

1. I recognize that relying only on motivation is futile

I used to think that motivation was this bright, fiery flame of desire to do what’s good for me that would always be with me no matter what I did because well, if it’s important enough, you should want to do it all the time…right?

Not really. Now with more experience under my belt, I’ve come to realize that this desire tends to come and go over time. There will be highs where I feel like I’m on a  roll, but there will also be slumps where I’ll feel like jumping off the horse because it feels like too much work to stay on it.

What really matters is that I make the decision to get back on the horse after I’ve jumped off it.

2. I re-connect with my big ‘why’

When I find myself reaching for the late-night pizza a little too often, or feel like I’m losing my will to keep up with my workouts, what gets me going again is to re-connect with my purpose, my big ‘why’.

Why did I start out on this journey in the first place?

Digging deep and re-focusing my attention on why I’m doing what I set out to do (hint: It’s rarely just about weight loss or other surface goals) get my feet moving even though they feel like lead, and keep me going even when I don’t feel like it, because it’s not just something I have to do—it’s who I want to BE.

3. I focus on the ‘doing’

This one’s difficult to do, especially when your heart’s not in it, but I find that once I get my body going, my heart follows, I always end up feeling glad that I did.

The recurring big lesson that I’ve learned from following through with this step over and over again? It’s that the worst thing you can do when you’re feeling unmotivated is to spend your time over-thinking things. It paralyzes you and keeps you stuck in a place of inaction.

The best thing you can do in instances like this is to just get up and start taking action. Chances are high that just the simple act of ‘doing’ will help you re-gain the motivation and momentum you’re looking for.

4. I give myself permission to take a break

When I feel like putting one foot in front of the other feels almost impossible, I give myself permission to take a step back and take a break from certain things, like my intense workouts or putting pressure on myself to eat clean all the time.

Giving up on myself is never an option, but taking time out when I need it, is.

These ‘mental health’ breaks can range from a few days to a week or a couple of months, and to me, they’re crucial for dealing with and recuperating from life’s ups and downs, as well as giving my body and mind the space it needs to re-group, recover and re-gain the strength I need to feel ‘OK’ again.

5. I have an ‘emergency’ self-care ritual at the ready

When my motivation is dipping dangerously low, I sometimes forget about trying to get it back, I forget about the ‘shoulds’ and instead, turn to a gentler, more holistic and loving way of accomplishing my mission: A self-care ritual that I know will help me feel better and gradually help me get back 100%.

After all, the reason we’re driven to do the ‘right’ things are rarely just about calories, the exercises or chalking up 10,000 steps a day—it’s usually a part of a bigger puzzle that we’re trying to piece together.

My ritual is a three-point checklist that I tick off throughout the day (somewhat like a self-care instruction manual) so that I don’t have to think about it. And, it simplifies the get-well process with just these non-negotiables:

• Nourish: I’m not a fan of complicated recipes and so I eat foods that are simple to prepare and help me feel good in my body, as well as about my body. If a food triggers addictive tendencies (for example, sugary pastries and white bread) in me, I keep it out of my home.
• Move: I don’t exercise with the intention of becoming ripped, the strongest, fastest or fittest; I do it to allow myself to feel capable in my body and live life on my terms. When I can’t bring myself to go for my usual intense, CrossFit workouts, I don’t. I stretch, do yoga or simply walk. It’s my body and my rules.
• Sleep: Not getting enough good quality sleep can throw my entire day off balance, so I do my best to make sure that my entire day works around the aim of sleeping well at night. And this in itself often helps me make the right decisions, health-wise.

Do you feel like you’re losing your motivation to stick with your healthy habits? Which of these five strategies can you see yourself putting into action get it back? Share them in the comments section below.

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No one wants to think like this. For many of us, we knew a long time ago it was over but ending it can be more dreadful than the sadness you feel living through the relationship from hell. Leaving is never easy, no matter how long you’ve been involved. We’d rather just stay and put up then have to write the Dear John/Jane letter and move on.

Do you know when it’s time to leave? Are you hanging on for the wrong reasons? What are you hanging for anyway? Sometimes we hang on because we think we can change our partner or perhaps we hold on to hope that their behaviour will change. But how long do we hold on for, really? What are the signs that indicate that it really is time to write the letter?

1. Intimacy has long been gone.

No kissing, no hand holding, nothing. That ended a long time ago and affection left with it. Intimacy is more than sex. It’s about being affectionate and showing love other ways. When that’s gone, and has been for a long time, it may be time.

2. Conversation is also non-existent.

You two really just don’t have anything to talk about and quite possibly no longer have anything in common. That happens often as people grow and change, our interests change as well while our partner changes in other ways.

3. Being in the same room makes you uncomfortable.

You are starting to have feelings of dislike for you partner and no longer even want to be in the same room as them. If this isn’t a clear enough sign for you to leave then who knows what is.

4. Go your separate ways.

Meaning you no longer go to places together anymore. He goes to his friend’s; you go to yours. There is no interest in going anywhere as a couple anymore. All you do is fight when you get there or ignore each other, so you don’t even bother. What’s the point?

5. Fights, many fights.

All the time. You fight so much now you even fight about things that aren’t even worth fighting for. We still hang on though because many of us still think deep down in our hearts things just might get better. Yet the fights continue.

6. You prefer to spend time alone, away from your partner.

You actually enjoy solitude more than his/her companionship. Seeking peace and quiet is more satisfying to you then spending time with them.

7. Signs of disrespect are starting.

The name calling, inconsiderate acts of selfishness, belittling each other and other signs of disrespect, at one time, used to be few and far bet ween but are now happening with much more frequency.

8. Counselling should be considered but is not an option.

One of you wants to go, the other doesn’t see the need. You know that professional help is required but both parties have to want it. When only one wants to go, the other clearly has no interest in making things better.

9. Saying I love you rarely occurs.

You’re not even really sure you feel it anymore. Sure, you love the person who you fell in love with 5, 10 or 15 years ago but it’s not the same kind of love anymore. There is no deep meaningful love and you doubt you will ever have it again.

10. Sadness has taken over.

Where there used to be joy and happiness is now sad and empty. You feel nothing anymore but sadness. There is no love, no laughing, no connections. It’s all gone and has been replaced with loneliness and emptiness.

When we start experiencing any of these signs, and counselling is not an option, it just may be time to pack that bag and go one. Hanging on to something that cannot be fixed is simply a waste of precious life. You are here to live in love and joy. Not sadness and misery. Talk and fix it or leave. This is the only life you have. Be happy.

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I think we all, at one point in our lives, have suffered or experienced some anxiety. Whether it be the anxiety just before getting in front of a group of people to do a speech or maybe even just before you board a plane. We’ve all felt it. Some of us feel it far worse than others. But how do we know if this is chronic anxiety?

Anxiety is that feeling of overwhelm and nervousness which can sometimes be coupled with nausea or trouble breathing. Some even experience extreme chest pains. So are you a chronic anxiety sufferer or is it just very random for you? Let’s have a look at some signs that just may determine what state of anxiety you may be experiencing.

1. You are always stressed, nervous, tense or worried.

These feelings are constant and rarely go away. You worry about tomorrow, today and yesterday. You always have the feeling of gloom and doom and have a sense that something bad is always going to happen. It’s very hard for you to relax ever, and even sleeping is very troublesome for you.

2. You avoid a lot of different places and or events because you feel too much stress about it.

The people who will be there, the food, the crowd, the embarrassment to something that might not even happen. It’s all too overwhelming for you. You would just rather stay home. The thought of people talking about you or making fun of you horrifies you so you avoid all places. Making friends is not easy for you.

3. Being an introvert, on a whole different level.

You avoid people for fear of not being liked, saying the wrong thing, not fitting in, peer pressure, being rejected and many other self esteem issues that may arise. It’s not that you don’t like people. You really do and wish you could hang out with them more, it’s just too stressful for you.

4. Severe chest pains.

You get these a lot. This doesn’t happen just before an anxiety filled event either but it seems it happens more often than not. Sometimes just making it to the corner store can cause these heart pounding attacks. It is that feeling of someone c rushing your chest. It’s scary, terrifying actually, and you truly feel like you are having a heart attack.

5. Many fears.

But not just fear of spiders and snakes. Bigger fears of things that probably aren’t really scary at all but you’ve taken them and turned them into a horrifying object or event simply because of the way the mind works. Our mind tells us that it is bad, scary, it will go wrong, something terrible will happen, stay away, don’t touch it, etc. We talk ourselves into gloom and doom, no matter what. Bad things are going to happen, regardless, so we are afraid of just about everything.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these signs? If you do, you most likely suffer from an extreme form of anxiety disorder and if you aren’t seeking help or trying to manage it yet, you should be. Anxiety is no joke and can be very debilitating. For those who don’t suffer from this, understanding it is very difficult. There is always help, and not only prescription drugs, for disorders such as t his.

Don’t wait to seek help. Your life is worth it.

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