You might be attracting the wrong people into your life.

Are you asking yourself a reasonable question? “What is it with these people?

Why are they so wrong for me and why does the same kind of person keep showing up?”

If you’re attracting characters who won’t stay long, commitment-phobes or insensitive jerks, you have to ask yourself what’s going on.

The types of people you’re attracting in to your life (if the same ones) might have little to do with them and more to do with you. It’s time to stop for a second and see what’s going on.

How do you break the pattern of attracting terrible partners?

Here’s 5 tips to stop dating the wrong people.

Look for patterns.

Check in with yourself to see if you can notice the patterns in the people you’re dating. What does each person have in common with the other? What characteristics or physical attributes do they share? What personality traits? What common quality do all these people have?

Look for common factors in your attraction to the people you’re dating. Acknowledge the patterns and become aware of them in the potential partners you meet.

Look for triggers.

Think about the common characteristics or life stories the people you date share.

Whatever the trigger point, start becoming more aware of this trigger point when you meet someone. Ask them specifically about their past, their upbringing or triggers that you notice.

Look for similar character traits from previous partners who hurt you or treated you poorly.

Be aware and actively look for trigger points that are signs of bad things to come. They’re always there, but you might be choosing to ignore them for the sake of finding love.

Consciously make a shift.

Honor yourself by weeding out this group of people from your life. Promise yourself to pass on these characters no matter how good they may initially seem to you, no matter how good looking, charming or outgoing they might be.

Instead of focusing what it is you don’t want, visualize an image of a person you do want.

Be more aware of the qualities and characteristics you’re looking for and look out for those characteristics instead.

Be more aware and more intentional.

Don’t let attention or flirtation hypnotize you to the point that you can’t say “no.”

Now that you’re aware of who’s right for you and who’s not, be on the lookout for the right kind of lover.

Don’t go with the flow. Don’t meet and date on auto-pilot or cruise-control.

Allow your intuition to lead and this time, listen to it. If you’re not feeling good about the person or his behaviors, get out quick. You’ve been down this path before and it has never worked out well.

Practice saying “no.”

Saying “no” is hard, especially when you want a partner in your life, but if you get more intentional and conscious in your relationships, this will be easier to do.

Why should you say “no” often to the people who are not a fit for you?

One, you’ll weed out the bad apples, thus avoiding repeated frustration and heartbreak. You’ll break the pattern of jerks and losers who hurt you.

Two, you’ll keep your life clear to meet the right person for you. If you’ve filled your life with deadbeats and are preoccupied with the ho-hum, you won’t allow that ideal partner to come into your life.

Practice saying “no” with discipline and confidence.  Be aware that each “no” to the wrong person will bring you closer to the right one!

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Whether we need cheering up or just a bit of a jolt during that 2:00 pm afternoon slump, every now and then we all need a little mood boosting. The best part of mood boosting, in my opinion, is that it could actually be a whole lot of fun.

Many of us reach for a beverage to boost our moods, whether it be coffee, tea or wine or scotch. Whatever the case may be, here are a few more ideas to help you boost that mood without having to nose dive into alcohol or caffeine.

1. Essential oils.

Lavender and or lemongrass are great oils to sniff if you need a quick pick me up. There are many other brilliant oils that have other benefits besides mood boosting so you may want to try many.

2. Go to a dog park.

If you’re into furry critters. The next time you are feeling glum or down in the dumps go to your neighbourhood dog park and watch dogs run around, play and be goofy. It’s always a good time when we go.

3. Go visit a senior’s centre.

No one will be happier to see you then a lonely senior. Many of them never get any visitors so having some one come to see them, maybe even bring some cookies or a treat and sit with them and talk is the best thing you can do not only for them but for you too.

4. Have a power nap.

When you’re so down, sometimes the only thing you can do and the best cure is a power nap. It could be 15 minutes or 2 hours. Go lay down an d decompress. It’s a clear sign it’s time to shut the mind down.

5. A good cry.

Nothing like having a good emotional dump to remove all the toxins building up inside of you. Crying is very therapeutic and should never be held back. If you feel like crying, just do it. Too many of us hold back our tears. This is a bad idea. Let them flow.

6. Watch fish swim.

Not in the ocean or in a lake but in an aquarium. A fish tank is one of the best therapies for a bad mood. Even if you are feeling sad or grumpy. Go watch some fish swim around and be soothed by the sound of the bubbling water and the mot ion of the fish. Better yet, get yourself one.

7. Plug in and crank the volume.

Grab your iPod, your mp3 player or turn up your stereo. Whatever form you listen to your music on, turn it up. A sad song, a happy song, the heaviest metal song you have. Listen to it loud and sing along. Best therapy ever.

8. Chocolate please.

For those of us who can’t live without chocolate, the best time to have some is when you are in a funky mood or need a happy boost. The delectable goodness of chocolate will cheer up even the grumpiest of people.

9. Call a friend.

We all have that one friend we can pick up the phone and call no matter what time of day it is. They are there, no matter what. Almost like a stand by friend, but they really do love you and care for you. Call them up. They are happy to cheer you up.

10. Road trip anyone?

Even if you don’t own a car, go for a walk, get a taxi, subway, train, bus, whatever it takes. Get on a means of transportation and go on a short mindless journey. It is usually on these random journeys that we can solve most of the world’s problems anyway.

This is my short list though there are so many more ideas out there. What are some of your tips and tricks to boost your mood? Share them with the others.

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You know you care. You feel it in your heart all the time. The love you feel for someone whether it be your partner, your child, your best friend or whoever. This person is super special to you and you care about them deeply. Oftentimes though, we forget to show people that we do care or we take it for granted that they know we care and feel we don’t have to do anything to prove it or show it.

For the most part, you really don’t have to prove you care. You know you do, they know you do and that should be enough, right? Well, it is enough, really but every now and then it’s nice to show people so they don’t think we have forgotten or are taking for granted that they know and that’s all that matters. Here are a few simple, yet loving ways to show you care, so they don’t forget. It also makes them feel a little extra special and let’s face it, sometimes we need those little subtle acts.

1. The I love you text.

Simple, effective. Who doesn’t love to get a random text from someone special that simply says I love you? This doesn’t have to be just your partner it could be your best friend, sister or anyone you love really.

2. Bring treats.

You know what their favourite tea or cookie is. Make a special trip that café up the street that sells them, get one and bring it to them. Want to make it even more special? Stick a bow on it. Why not?

3. Pick up the phone and call them.

Texting is quick easy and fun but there’s nothing like hearing someone’s voice on the phone. That’s the kind of special act that puts a song in our heart and a skip in our step.

4. Grab them for a random road trip.

Text your friend, tell her be ready in 5 minutes, pick her up and hit the open road. If your friend has been low lately, this will certainly pick up her spirits and show her that you care.

5. Music is therapy.

Download their favourite song and email it to them or share it with them on their FB page. Music makes everyone feel love and happy. They will know you have been thinking of them and that you go the extra mile for them.

6. Happy notes.

This could be a love note or an inspirational note or maybe even just a fun cute note to make them giggle. Stick it in their coat pocket, their lunch pail, tape it to their cell phone cover or wherever you know they will find it easily. We all love fun notes.

7. Offer your time.

You are both super busy with work and family but every now and then one of you crashes. Go and sit with them for half an hour or half a day, without them asking you to and just listen to them or hold them or do whatever they need you to do or be for them.

8. Take them somewhere they have always wanted to go.

I don’t mean Paris or Ireland, unless of course you have the means, then, by all means, but maybe they just really want to go to the movies or out to dinner. Either take them there yourself or buy them a gift certificate so they can do that with a family member or someone else.

9. Give them praise or compliments.

Maybe they just faced one of their fears or achieved something that they’ve been meaning to do for a long time. Or maybe they haven’t done anything but they are just a super awesome person. Let them know. Don’t be afraid to tell them just how fantastic they really are.

10. Mail them a card.

You know, like snail mail, through the post office with a stamp on it. These days the only thing we get in the mail is junk and bills. Wouldn’t it be nice to receive a cute loving and fun card? I know I sure would love to receive something like that.

There are many ways to make someone feel special, quite possibly, millions. These are just a few ways I could think of. Some cost a few dollars, others are free. Use your imagination. What are some of the ways you can think of to make someone feel special? Share below!

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Do you hear voices in your head?

Believe it or not, we all do. We all have a continual voice that comments endlessly on everything around us. If we’re having difficulty with a co-worker or family member, the voice starts imaginary arguments with them in our head. If we’re afraid of a challenging task, the voice tells us why we won’t succeed.

Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, calls this voice “your inner roommate.” He points out that if you had a real roommate that was as critical, judgmental, and endlessly complainy as that inner voice, you’d throw him out tomorrow, with all his smelly laundry.

Getting rid of the inner voice isn’t so easy, because we tend to believe what we think. We accept what that inner voice tells us, even when it’s self-defeating thoughts like, “You’ll never succeed,” “You can’t lose weight,” or “You’ll always be depressed.”

The fantastically good news is that you don’t have to believe everything you think! In order to change our thoughts, though, we must first become aware of those thoughts. We have to “hear” the inner voice, and decide whether we want to believe what it’s telling us.

Over the years, I have developed a series of mental shortcuts – I call them “mind hacks” – for developing better thought habits.

Here are a few easy mind hacks to help you develop that awareness of your own inner voice.

Mind Hack #1: What Was My Mind Just Thinking?

The first mind hack is so easy that you can practice it today. For the next 24 hours, simply ask yourself, as often as possible,“What was my mind just thinking?”

If you’re doing the laundry and worrying about an upcoming project, mentally say, “Worry.” If you’re commuting to work and thinking about a conversation you had last week, say “Conversation.”

Every time you remember to “check in” on your mind, award yourself an Awareness Point. At the end of 24 hours, write down your score. Pretend like it’s a game, and the object is to beat your own high score.

This mind hack sounds easy, and it is … for about an hour. Most people forget to keep playing, because they get lost in the mind again! Checking in on your mind regularly develops the “muscle” of mental awareness, so you can see your thoughts more clearly, and change them more easily.

Mind Hack #2: Getting Into the Balcony

Imagine yourself in a theater, with your mind sitting on a stage, illuminated by a bright spotlight. Now imagine yourself sitting in a balcony, looking down on your mind. You have a terrific view, and can see everything going on in there: the hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, and all the other thoughts and emotions playing out on stage.

This is a useful mental technique whenever you notice yourself feeling worried, anxious, or depressed about something. Get into the balcony. Look down on your mind, and see it from a higher perspective.

From the balcony, you can see the drama as it’s playing out. If you’re obsessing about your spouse or partner, you can see how the mind is playing out an angry or fearful future. If you can’t let go of an argument you had with a friend, you can see how the mind is triggering those emotions in an endless loop. You don’t have to get caught up in it!

Getting into the balcony lets us look at the mind from a higher level. It helps us get free from our thoughts. Once we get free from our thoughts, we can begin to change them. We can rewrite the script.

Mind Hack #3: The Transcription

Imagine they’ve developed a speech recognition technology, like the kind on your smartphone, but it works in your head. Every thought you have gets translated into words. At the end of the day, you get a big stack of printouts that represents your entire inner conversation for the past 24 hours.

As you read through this transcription, what does it say? Is your mental dialogue harsh and critical, or is it helpful and kind? Does it complain about others, or does it lift them up? Is the overall dialogue destructive, or is it constructive?

If you’re visually-oriented, you can even picture the transcription in real time. When you find yourself wrestling with uncomfortable thoughts, imagine them being transcribed and printed out, in real time. What are the thoughts saying? What would you say to someone who said those things to you?

I once heard someone say, “No one will ever talk to me as unkindly as I talk to myself.” Once we become aware of the things our mind is telling us about ourselves and others — once we “hear” that inner voice — we can start to change those thoughts.

And as Steven would say, once you change your thoughts, you change your life.

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