Take a moment…

And picture the people you love more than anything.

Perhaps it’s your parents, best friend, partner or children.

You’d do anything for them right?

If they were in pain, you’d comfort them.

If they were ill, you’d care for them.

If they were in danger, you’d protect them.

But what if I told you that there are ways that you may be hurting them…without even realizing?

What! That’s right, I said it.

You see, there are many TOXIC but seemingly small habits that many of us have…

And they are often the very reasons that our relationships fall apart.

But sadly, we often either underestimate them, or we aren’t even aware of them.

So…if any of these 21 habits below feel a little too familiar…

Then take this time to really challenge yourself.

Just remember, our relationships are so precious. They are the oceans in which we find meaning and happiness in our life.

Are you ready to filter out any toxic habits you may have?

Here goes…

Here are 21 very common but potentially toxic habits that can really hinder our relationships;

1. We listen to people – but don’t really listen
Often when we listen to people, we don’t really try to understand them. More often we listen with the intent to reply. As people, we all want to be listened to, to feel understood and to feel worthy of someone’s undivided attention.

2. We believe that two wrongs make a right
We justify getting angry or doing the wrong thing just because the other person did it too. Or because they did it first. The truth is, two wrongs will never make a right. Instead, we should be showing love, humility and forgiveness every chance we get.

3. We expect too much from the people we’re closest too
Think about it…if your best friend said something unkind to you, you would feel INCREDIBLY hurt. But if a stranger, or someone else said the same thing, you’d probably let it go after 5 minutes.

We often forget that our loved ones are not perfect. They will have bad days where they are not the greatest friend. They have their own struggles and weaknesses. Instead of getting upset when they don’t meet our expectations, we should feel honoured to have them in our life – and accept them as imperfect beautiful human beings.

4. We get easily offended by people
If someone tries to give us constructive criticism – it’s easy to immediately get annoyed and think “how dare they say that about me”, instead of considering that they might have a good point. However, we all have parts of ourselves that we could challenge and grow.

We should always take the time to consider what people say, before taking offense. Otherwise, we might find that we constantly become easily annoyed, irritated and even angry. Which brings us to the next point…

5. We blame other people for our bad mood
We often feel like other people are the cause of our bad mood. But the truth is, we can choose our response. We can choose to respond in a grumpy, irritated manner, or we can choose to respond with patience and grace. We can challenge our emotions and take responsibility for the way we feel and act towards other people.

6. We wait to be loved before we love back
Love should be unconditional. If we are all always waiting for the other person to make the first move, then there won’t be any love going around! If you want to feel more love in your relationships – then take action and LOVE those people.
“Love the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb” – Stephen Covey

7. We commit to things that we don’t plan on seeing through
For example –“sure, I’d love to catch up sometime. I’ll call you soon to make a date – and you never do”.

Slowly but surely, if you do this enough times to someone, they will begin to withdraw from you. Not because they don’t want your friendship, but because they don’t feel valued and are afraid of getting hurt.

8. We take people in our life for granted
We often EXPECT or believe that it is our RIGHT to have the friends or family we have. We forget that it is actually an honour. Try to remind yourself every day how blessed you are to have the relationships you have.

9. We view our opinions as facts
It’s in our human nature to always want to be right. So instead of challenging our thoughts and opinions, we often accept our opinions as facts.

In the heat of an argument for example, we jump to conclusions and we act on them. We get angry when we really shouldn’t, we judge people inaccurately and we are often blind to our own faults.

10. We often judge people too quickly
It’s never been so easy to judge people than in today’s society. Judging has become the norm. We value people based on their looks and abilities. Try to challenge yourself to see the true value in people.

You never know – if you judge people too quickly – you might miss out on meeting one of the best friends you’ve ever had.

11. We say that we have forgiven someone, yet we are still bitter inside
Forgiveness is not easy. To truly forgive means to not hold a person’s mistakes against them. It means putting it completely in the past…and letting go. That takes courage. It takes courage to show love to someone that hurt you.

It might help to remember that to forgive someone does not mean that you agree with their actions.

12. We make excuses for our actions
When we make excuses for our actions, we are justifying them. We are saying that what we did was OKAY. It was okay to get angry because… It was okay hold that grudge because…

Instead of excusing our behaviour, we should accept it and take responsibility for it. It’s okay to make mistakes. We are beautifully imperfect human’s beings living in an imperfect world.

13. We rely on other people to make us feel good
We can become a burden when we rely too much on other people to meet our emotional needs. Everybody has enough struggles of their own. Of course, it important to have people in our lives to help us feel good, but we should also take responsibility for our own feelings.

How we think will dramatically impact upon how we feel. The decisions we make will impact on how we feel. Before expecting others to go out of their way to make us feel good, we need to take responsibility for our own choices and actions.

14. We put up walls to protect ourselves
Did you know that true betrayal is the ultimate abandonment of a relationship for your own benefit? In other words, you build up enough walls around yourself until there is no way for that person to come in. We need to let people in. Even if they have hurt us in the past. We need to forgive them. Otherwise, we are basically abandoning the relationship.

15. We choose our relationships based on how they can benefit us
What makes a relationship great is when you have an attitude of giving. When we look at the people around us, we should always ask ourselves “how can I give to that person?” and “how can I show them love’?” That is what makes a relationship truly deep, meaningful and fruitful.

16. We expect other people to feel loved in the same way we do
Did you know that we all have different love languages? Your love language and the love language of your partner for example, could be as different as Chinese and English!

There are five love languages including; acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and physical touch. If you want the people around you to truly feel loved, you have got to learn how to speak their love language.

17. We use manipulation to get what we want
Have you ever brought up a situation in the past to get what you want? In other words, using guilt to get your way? Love keeps no record of wrongs. Getting in a habit of using manipulation will only start to decay your relationship.

18. We keep all our feelings bottled up inside…and then suddenly we just EXPLODE!
We have a responsibility to assert and express ourselves. If we bottle up all our feelings, chances are, we’ll slowly begin to feel bitter inside and anything that a certain person does or says will eventually annoy us.

Just remember that it’s not fair for your partner, friends and family if you don’t give them a chance to improve themselves. If you don’t express yourself and tell them what annoys you, how are they supposed to know? It’s not always as obvious as it seems.

19. We expect other people to have learned the same lessons we have
Sometimes something can be so obvious to us, and we just can’t understand how other people don’t understand. It can be frustrating. The truth is, we all go through different experiences and we learn different lessons in life.

Rather than letting this frustrate you, try to be graceful and patient. This is also the best way to influence other people and to get them to start seeing things your way.

20. We stop going the extra mile for people
When was the last time that you went out of your way to show love to someone? For example, buying someone a gift, sending them a nice message or taking them out on a nice date?

Weird huh? You’re probably thinking….”That’s strange, I can’t really remember when the last time was”. Why not be the friend that really makes the people around them feel special and loved…no matter how long you’ve known them. Never seize to go the extra mile and to truly show love to the people around you.

21. We don’t apologize enough
“In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes” – John Ruskin
If there is one thing that can destroy a relationship, it’s pride. Nobody’s perfect. We all most certainly make mistakes. And our actions will most certainly cause hurt to people at times. But apologizing is painful! It is beyond painful! And many of us cannot build up the strength to do it often enough.

But if you can learn to overcome this one big milestone, you’ll watch your relationships flourish. You’ll move past arguments within record time and you’ll wonder why it took you so long to take advantage of this magic word more often.

Take your relationships to a new level

Well, there you go…

21 habits that can really take its toll on our relationships.

The truth is, we have a LOT more control over our relationships than we realize.

Just by changing our actions and ways of thinking, we can bring our relationships to a whole new level!

Rather than feeling frustrated everyday by the people around us…

We can enjoy deeper, more fruitful, more loving, happier and more fulfilling relationships.

And we can know with confidence that we are doing our very best for the people we love.

So I challenge you, from today onwards, do some honest reflection. And figure out the areas that you could improve on!

You’ll truly be amazed by the outcome.

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On the ordinary days of our life, you work, educate your children, have some fun, build and sustain connections with others, that is, you live an ordinary life. The question is, whether you are mindful during all these things, or you just perform these activities mechanically, automatically.

What is the evidence for me that you are not mindful? First, that you are not present. To be present means that you are fully alert, attentive, and conscious in the present moment. Whatever you do, you do that fully consciously, you focus your entire attention on that particular activity. Or, do you feel free to declare that you are present in every moment of your life?

You are careless most of the time, as a large segment of your attention is bound by dealing with events of your thoughts, events of past and plans for future and your own self. Psychological time therefore displaces the moment of the present, or subordinates it to past or future.

You therefore perform the overwhelming majority of your daily activities mechanically. Your attention only becomes more intensive when you meet someone or deal with something who or that you find interesting, or useful in some way. Or the opposite: the person or thing may do harm to you in some way.

If you are mindful, only the Here and Now exist for you. This state of consciousness is characterized by deep silence and tranquility.

You could ask, how could you access this state of consciousness?
I would answer you, that in your life you have already lived through this mind state, more than once.

On the grey veil of ordinary consciousness, there are gaps every now and then, and the bright light of the Consciousness shines through the gaps. The gaps are too small for you to get through, but have a glimpse to the reality behind the wall.

Such moments are rare in the life of a man, but they are still there for all those who pay attention and want to see them. The toys of your daily life, however, occupy all your attention so much that you do not even notice the opportunity that opens up for you, your attention slips away from the Miracle.

When you submerge in your ordinary consciousness, your attention keeps wandering from past to future. The moments of insight are, however, only available in the Present, only if you leave behind the psychological time, the memories of the past and the expectations of the future all vanish, and you are able to focus your attention to the Miracle that unfolds in front of your eyes in the Present

It has happened to you that you came under the spell of a moment some time during your life. A beautiful landscape, a sunset, a beautiful piece of art, the rhythm of music enchanted you. It may even happen that you are just lost in the silence of a peaceful moment.

The common feature of these moments is the mind stops working, the reckless stream of thoughts is suspended. Ego disappears, telling personal history stops, and the line of your accustomed identity is broken. Only the spell of the moment, the mysterious shine of the Consciousness remains.

Why is this moment so enchanting, what is its secret? The secret is that when thoughts disappear, so do your problems and conflicts, and you almost forget about all your sufferings. You virtually step out of the psychological time frame, you stop mulling over injuries of the past, and do not build your identity for the future.

You are mindful, only the present moment exists for you. Your soul is permeated by the quiet of the Consciousness and the Joy of the Existence. The world is alive, pulsating around you, and you are amazed to realize, how wonderful it is to be alive. You believe that you are only alive now.

You submit to the moment, sitting in your favorite armchair or lie on the beach, listening to the noises of your environment, enjoy the rest, the sunshine and fresh air. Both past and future are far away from you, only the present moment matters. As if a heavy curtain would have been drawn away in front of your eyes; now everything is more vivid and brighter around you. You feel that you are alive, and it is good to be alive. The Miracle almost completely fills your soul. Why could not it stay that way for ever?

Unfortunately, these moments do not last long, because the mind starts working again very soon, and begins to control the moment by categorizing it and giving it a name. ”Ah, yes, how beautiful is this sunset” and the tumbleweed of thinking starts tumbling again:”It reminds me of last summer, when…”.

Your alert attention will then turn away from the Miracle, back to the mind, and your ordinary identity is rebuilt in a matter of a few second. You return to the psychological time and, embedded into it, you experience your problems and sufferings again. The memory of the moments of spell is just a transient impression, the unconscious feeling that some miraculous thing happened to you, but you unfortunately missed a chance. Indeed, you missed the chance of entering through the gate opening in the magic moment and finding your real Self there.

Can you do something in order not to let this happen anymore? What is able to put an end to that Vicious Circle?

You are only able to escape if you are able to proceed beyond the mind, if you terminate your unconscious identification with it, so you are able get out of the vicious circle. In that case you are able to observe the functions of the mind and realize that you are by no means identical with your mind and its functions. You are identical with the pure space, the Consciousness, in which the functions of the mind take place.

If you are able to leave behind all the scenarios of your identity built up by the mind, even that of the Spiritual Seeker, you may experience that this Consciousness is really you. You are the pure space of the Consciousness, the existence, which is your real Self.

Your real Self is beyond every thought, every social program instilled into you. This Miracle cannot be described by thoughts, it is only possible to experience it by direct experience.

But not even the word ”to experience” expresses the essence of the process very well, as experiencing is just a thought, too. This experience is the experience of the awakening Consciousness, and words are only able to point at it like fingers, but are unable to express its essence.

The Miracle may perhaps be best described in words in the following way: You will be united with the Consciousness living in you, and you will recognize the forms and shapes appearing in the space of the Consciousness as part of that Singularity.

 

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Over the last 9 years of working online, and offline,helping thousands of people around the world with my Guided Meditations, Positive Affirmations, coaching and various other products, there is one technique I have developed to heal, strengthen and attract relationships in your life, that has had amazing results for everyone who has used it.

The Technique

Before I go on and tell you what this technique is I would like to share with you how it started.

About 16 years ago I was working with a company called British Telecommunications in the UK and was a customer service advisor on the phone so when a customer had a problem or wanted to buy a new service they would initially get through to someone like me. While I was working there the management changed quite frequently, this is not uncommon in this type of environment.

I had one particular boss, who happened to be female, who didn’t take to me at all. I thought that she was OK, although she was very aggressive. She lacked assertiveness but she was aggressive in the way she spoke and treated people, both staff and customers. Not nice at all but underneath it all she was actually an ok person but she came across as extremely aggressive and it came across that she didn’t like me at all, to the extent that my colleagues started commenting on it.

I was part of a sales team who were the top sellers in the company, in Glasgow.  She headed up the new team and was a bit of a tyrant and set high targets for ourselves and herself.

When I was selling to people on the phone I used to do it in a different way from the others. However, I was still getting the great results and a lot of the sales and hitting my high targets but what I was doing was selling in an authentic way. I wouldn’t just sell somebody something for the sake of it, I would tell the truth about the product i.e. I would tell the truth about the sale; ‘I don’t’ think that’s good for you, you should maybe take that off your service, you’re paying for something you don’t really need’. Now that customer would go off and think oh my god that’s someone being really honest that’s refreshing to hear and people would frequently comment on that, and often buy more products from me.

Anyway this manager didn’t like this and didn’t like the way I operated and she just generally didn’t like me. There was contempt there for me, so I was trying to think of way to strength our relationship because I was going to have to work with her every single day and have contact with her at morning meetings etc.

So I decided to try a technique I had heard about at a seminar, which I modified.

Now, I tried this technique with this woman at work, this boss I had and it took about two weeks of genuinely trying, in total about 5 attempts, and our relationship began to change. She started to engage with me, to laugh with me, not at me. The relationship was getting much better; I kept on trying the technique, mostly in the morning.

After about 4 weeks, our relationship had completely changed and we became a force within BT. She seemed to mellow out a little, so much so that the team started to relax and even enjoy drinks with her on nights out, which is something she previously did not do.  On one such night out, we had a chance to have a talk whilst being slightly merry from the drink.  I asked her what had changed over the last few weeks as she had seemed to mellow out a little.  She looked at me and said she honestly didn’t know, but she felt there had been some kind of change in her, but couldn’t explain it. Needless to say I didn’t tell her about the relationship bubble.

The Relationship Bubble

Basically what we do here is we spend 5 – 10 mins just before we’re drifting off to sleep and 5 – 10 minutes as we are waking up in the morning, depending how often you want to spend on it, and we do a visualization.

Visualization

When you get to the stage of drifting off to sleep imagine a huge, clear bubble, big enough to fit about 10 people in.  Imagine this bubble floating up into the night sky and watch it as it slowly gets higher and higher.  You then imagine yourself floating up to the bubble, you are weightless and the feeling you get is amazing, floating and drifting in space, you are connected to the world.  As you float towards the bubble, a door opens and you step inside the bubble, which has a clear floor with two chairs angled towards each other.  Take a seat in one of the chairs and just watch the world below you through the clear, glass like bubble.

Now it’s time to ask the person you’d like to join you.  This could be someone you’re having difficulty with, or someone you’d like to have a better relationship with.  from the bubble you see the person floating up through the sky towards the door of the bubble.  You open the door and invite them in.  They might look a little bewildered, as you offer them the chair to sit down on.

After a few seconds you start to talk to them telling them how you feel, and why you have asked them here.  get everything off your chest, and speak the truth.  After you have finsihed talking, stay silent and wait for them to speak, and as they speak listen to them, really listen.  And then, let the conversation flow, staying calm and relaxed, safe in the knowledge that nothing can harm you here.

After you have finished your conversation, thank the person for coming and then gently let the bubble float back down to earth and drift off into a deep sleep.

Simplicity and Uses

Believe me it might sound extremely simple but it really is going to work when you try this technique.

I was going to explain my theories on why it works so well, but I don’t want to taint your thinking about this, so I’ll leave that part for another time, or maybe add it in this article later on.

When to Use It

To resolve a difficult relationship

If you’re having difficulty with someone at work, in your family, or in your social circle the relationship bubble can be an amazing way to gain insights into why the relationship is rocky and work on resolving the issues.

To strengthen a relationship

The relationship Bubble is an amazing way to strengthen an already good relationship with someone, to become more loving, to become more caring, or to speak about the little things that may be bothering you.

Resolve family issues

I’ve used this lots of times when I have been worried about family members, and they are not particularly open to talking.  The relationship Bubble offers a secure way to speak to someone, and to help you decrease your anxiety or worry about a family member.  There’s been more than a few occasions that family members, who previously would not speak about their problems, have opened up a day or two after I used the bubble.

Attracting a relationship

If you would like to attract a relationship in your life, whether it be personal, business or just for social reasons, then the relationship bubble is great for this.  Instead of summoning someone who you know, you just summon someone, knowing that the right person will join you in the bubble.

This is also a great way to attract more customers, for example if you’re a sales person, you can attract customers using this technique as well.

Doubting the technique

I know that a lot of readers will be thinking, ‘how can this work, all I am doing is talking and listening to myself’.  Well, all I can really say is try it and see the difference it makes in your life and with your relationships with other people.  As I said I don’t want to give my theory as to why it works, but just know that it works.

I would love to hear your stories about how you have used this technique and how successful it was for you.  So if you decide to be open minded and really use it, let me know how you get on.

 

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Do you ever get a feeling that you’ve lived before?

Lots of cultures believe in past lives, that we’re are all old souls and the life we are living just now is just another incarnation of our true soul.

A fascinating writer on this subject is Edgar Cayce and his work on the Akashic Records.  In the book he describes cases where people are having trouble in this life and they wish to learn of their past lives to understand their current situation.  Whether you believe it or not it’s a fascinating read and, at the very least, interesting.

Today I wanted to share with you a quick, fun quiz that will show you what type of person you were in your past life.

What Were You In Your Past Life

 

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Did you know that every word you say and every thought
that you think has a vibration to it.

Dr. Masaru Emoto, A scientist from Japan has conducted numerous studies on the effects of postive thinking on plants and water.  He became famous when his experiments on water molecules featured in the 2004 film, What The Bleep Do We Know? His experiments show that human thoughts and intentions can alter physical reality, such as the molecular structure of water. 

Another famous experiment conducted by Dr Emoto and his researchers showed that negative words and thoughts directly affects the rate at which the cooked rice decomposes.  On one container of cooked rice he wrote “thank you” and on the other “you fool”. He then instructed school children to say the labels on the jars out loud everyday when they passed them by. After 30 days, the rice in the container with positive thoughts had barely changed, while the other was moldy and rotten.

So what does this prove? Well crtics would say it proves nothing, whilst I believe that our thoughts, and the words we speak have a direct affect on everything around us.

There are lots of experiments that have been carried out similar to that of Dr. Emoto’s.

The same type of thing happens in human interactions, no we won’t go all moldy if we think negative thoughts but it can spiral into something even more dangerous than mere mold: stress, disease, and depression.

Vibrations of our thoughts and words.

Although you can’t see the vibrations of energy that are emitted, unless you were to do an EEG, which records the electrical activity of your brain, you can pick up on the vibrations from another person unconsciously.

We’ve all had experiences when we’ve walked into a house and immediately felt the loving energy from it, or conversely, felt the bad vibe from it.  This is you picking up on electrical activity which has been emitted out to the surrounds of the person having these loving or negative thoughts, and this electrical activity has been transformed into a subtle energy that sticks to the surrounding furniture, the walls, the carpets and the whole air.  Much like the way lightning is created when tiny positively charged sparks reach up in response to negatively charges in the air or clouds above the ground, so our minds emit these tiny charges of energy, either negative or positive.

So you thoughts and words create this energy and can be felt by others around you, some will fell it much stronger than others.

So, we have to be mindful of the words we speak and the thoughts we think.

No I’m not saying it’s all positive thinking all the time, its about remaining in a positive state of mind rather than a pessimistic state of mind.

With that in mind, I have written a list of phrases that you might want to be mindful of:

9 Phrases That Will Lower Your Energy

I’m not going to explain any of these phrases as you will know what I mean as soon as you see them and maybe even recognise a few of these phrases

1. This always happens to me!

2. I can’t do this!

3. Life sucks!

4. She/he doesn’t like me!

5. I’ll try to do that!

6. I will never be able to do that…!

7. The world is a bad place!

8. I hate him/her!

9. I’m not good enough!

 

 

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The world’s first billionaire was John D. Rockefeller, which he achieved in 1916, but billionaires are still quite rare in the world of business and finance.

If you go back 10-15 years everyone wanted to be a millionaire, but now there are thousands of millionaires around the world and the perception of money has changed drastically over the last few years with the arrival of the internet.

So now we all want to be billionaires, but what makes a billionaire, how do they think, what makes them different.

This infographic illustrates brilliantly how billionaires think and act a little differently from us.

How to Become a Billionaire

Source of Infographic from Brighton School of Business and Management

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Are you using your thoughts to create the life you desire or is the way you think having a negative impact on your life? Unfortunately, most of us fall victim to distorted and disempowered thinking patterns that rob us of joy and cause unnecessary suffering.

If this sounds like you, there is no need to feel bad. Life doesn’t come with a manual that tells us how to control our thoughts and formal education doesn’t teach much if anything regarding that sort of thing.

In this article, I will share seven common thought patterns that cause us to see situations in a distorted, negative way that is liable to cause misery, pain, and suffering. Make sure you aren’t sabotaging yourself with this sort of thinking and, if you are, find out why.

Discounting the Positive

It’s amazing how harsh we can be on ourselves, and this tendency makes it easy to forget the good things in life. Do you find yourself constantly zeroed in on the negative aspects of everything you do or obsessing over parts of yourself that you find undesirable? If so, you aren’t alone. I’m guilty of thinking this way, too, as are many other people.

For instance, you might receive compliments regarding a speech you’ve given and think, “Sure, they’re saying my speech was good, but that’s just because they are too nice to tell me the truth.”

This mindset can be quite damaging because it saps your motivation and gives you a reason to give up and stop moving forward. The following is a list of tips that can help you focus on the positive and become more objective and less judgmental about your accomplishments:

• Accept compliments and don’t waste your energy questioning the sincerity of those who show appreciation
• Write down all the positive comments you receive from others and review it whenever you’re feeling low.
• Ponder everything you’ve accomplished in your life and make a list of it. Review the list whenever you feel the need to.

Assuming Your Feelings Are Always True

Do you feel like a loser because you’ve failed an exam? Do you think you feel ashamed because you weren’t able to accomplish something you intended to? No matter how real your feelings may seem, they are just emotions. They might feel intense or overpowering, but emotions have nothing to do with reality. They are simply the result of your interpretations (both conscious and unconscious) of what happens to you.

Learn to disassociate yourself from your emotions. Avoid saying, “I am” and try to give your emotions a different label. Instead of saying “I am angry,” for instance, say, “I am experiencing anger” to separate yourself from your feelings. Labeling emotions diminishes the response of the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for the flight or fight response. It also increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which contributes to rational thinking. Don’t try to suppress your emotions, simply acknowledge and observe them with detachment whenever possible.

Thinking You’re Psychic

You tend to assume you know what other people think about you. A example of this would be deciding an inexplicably quiet coworker doesn’t say much because she dislikes you. “I know what she thinks about me. I saw the way she looked at me,” you might think. “She doesn’t like me.”

In reality, you don’t know what she thinks about you. You can’t accurately assume what anyone thinks so take off your hat Sherlock Holmes! This coworker could be shy or having troubles of which you are unaware.People have misunderstood my words, actions, or attitude on many occasions. If other people can misjudge us so easily, then we can just as easily misjudge them.

When you try to read someone else’s mind or discern, you’re just projecting your thoughts about yourself onto them. Your self-image has a huge influence on how you believe others think of you. If, for instance, you are highly critical of yourself, chances are that you imagine people around you are highly critical of you as well. When this happens, you simply see the world in your version of reality. It can easily cause you to create a world where you feel your teachers, colleagues, or friends don’t appreciate you.

Worse yet, these feelings could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you believe that someone doesn’t like you, you’re likely to act differently around this person, and this alone may cause him or her to actually start disliking you!

Miscommunications and inaccurate assumptions can wreak havoc on relationships. If you sincerely want to know what people think about you, ask them! On a similar note, don’t expect the people in your life to know what you’re thinking.

Shoulds and Musts

Take a piece of paper and write five sentences that start with the phrase “I should”. Then ask yourself why you believe that you should do these things? Words we use every day have a tremendous influence over our lives. Words like “should” or “must” may seem innocuous, but they limit our choices in life. If you have too many “shoulds” in your life, it usually means that you have many expectations regarding how you must behave. These expectations stem from your belief system, which is often the result of what your parents or society have told you that you should/must do. If this belief system doesn’t align with who you truly are, you risk being a slave to expectations, “shoulds”, and “musts”, all of which put a damper on happiness.

After all, if you don’t behave the way you should, then you will likely punish or beat yourself up. That’s why “could” is a much more preferable word choice. “Could” gives you more freedom and isn’t so stifling. Instead of saying, “I should have done that,” for example, you could say, “I could have done that”.

Overgeneralisation

Overgeneralisations include thoughts like “I lost my job, I will never find a job again” or “I always do the wrong thing.”

Beware, when you find yourself using words like “never”, “always”, or “all the time” you are likely to overgeneralise. These three phrases are so absolute that they are rarely an accurate description of reality. More often than not, they are the result of subjective interpretations, which can be very destructive.

I recommend you to start take notice of the way you use these words when you talk to yourself, but also when you talk to your partner or other people. These kinds of words are usually not the words you want to use if you wish to create harmonious relationships.

Chain Reaction of Negative Thoughts

Have you ever taken the time to analyze what exactly happened the last time you felt depressed? Most of the time, the reason we get depressed is because we fail to interrupt an increasing flow of negative thoughts. Unfortunately, just one seemingly insignificant negative thought can be enough to create a chain reaction that turns into a downward spiral.

One day when I was a bit down I asked myself why and tried to discern the trigger event. I soon realized that the root of my low mood was a seemingly insignificant thought of which I wasn’t even particularly aware.

For instance, knee pain would negatively influence my mood so subtly that I would slip into destructive thought patterns faster than I could get a handle on them. It would go from “Why don’t I have a girlfriend?” to “I would like to do this or that, but I’m not smart enough.” Next was “I wish I could be as smart as my friend X” then “My friend Y is so confident, but he didn’t do anything to deserve it”. It was a downward spiral.

Does it happen to you, too? Analyze your most recent thoughts and try to pinpoint the very first thing that triggered your feelings. Was it really a big deal? Please don’t torture yourself with the worst version of yourself and your life by focusing your energy on all your problems at once. When handled on an individual basis, most problems aren’t that big of a deal. Refuse to link all of your problems to one another!

Adding Your Opinion to Facts

If we were to stick to the facts when thinking things over, we would avoid a great deal of grief. However, we’re often unable to avoid adding our little comments and opinions to the facts at hand. For most of us, these comments and opinions tend to be negative and only serve to make us feel bad.

An example of adding opinions to facts is evident in the phrase, “I lost $100,000 in the stock market. I’m a total failure!” The reality is that you lost $100,000 in the stock market. That part is factual. Your supposed status as a failure, however, is nothing more than your opinion.

A great way to stop bombarding yourself with damaging, self-critical opinions is to make a game of separating facts from opinions in your daily life. When you are hard on yourself, ask yourself whether the things you’re telling yourself are facts or opinions? You can extend this game to others as well. When people criticize you, ask if the person in question is telling you a fact about yourself or giving you their opinion.

Did you recognize your own thinking in any of these thought patterns? If so, how do you plan to stop distorting your reality and create a more positive mental state?

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I’ve always been fascinated with the psychology of colour and how certain colours can influence the way we feel.  We all know that certain colours represent certain characteristics:

• Red with danger and passion
• Pink with love; orange with stability and warmth; green with nature and peace
• Orange with stability and warmth; green with nature and peace
• Green with nature and peace
• Blue with calmness
• Yellow with energy and sunshine
• Purple with creativity
• Black with death and eccentricity

So the clothes we wear, the decorations of the rooms in our homes, the paintings we buy, the images we are attracted to on Facebook.  It all reveals our true personality, and it’s fascinating to observe.

Today I wanted to share a quick quiz with you that I found really interesting:

What Colour Represents Your Personality

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It can be really hard to stay focused sometimes and stay motivated. It sucks when you want to finish something, but you can’t seem to find the motivation to get it done.

I guess, you can say that is why I created this post: it is going to share with you 10 ways you can stay motivated and push through the hard times.

1. Give Yourself a Reward
Hard work is excellent, but you will run out of energy. That is why I find it crucial to give yourself rewards in order to be successful.

All work and no play makes for a dull day. (ha, that rhymed) Go and give yourself a day off and relax, or maybe go get dinner at that amazing restaurant you have been wanting to go to.

Or just give yourself a day at the spa.  Either way, pick something you can reward yourself with, and then do it.

2. Spend Time with Friends and Family
If you are constantly working and you feel demotivated to do anything, it might be because you haven’t seen your family or friends in awhile.

I know for me and many others that just being around friends and having a good time, can really give you a much needed break and help you have a little fun on top of all of that work.

3. Try Something New
Ever felt like you are doing the same thing, just on a different day? I have. It sucks, because life is about being spontaneous and trying new things out.

Sometimes often more than not we get caught up in the routine of life. That is why I find it vital to try something new in order to revive your motivation.

It could be going on a new hiking trail, going scuba diving, maybe taking a cooking class that you have been wanting to take: moral of the story? Try something new!

4. Get Excited
How cliche. But I think most people don’t realize that maybe you have to try and be excited about a goal in order to get out of your slump. Sometimes it takes a little inspiration to get excited (which you can read at #5) but it’s not impossible and you would be surprised at how much motivation you will have if you are excited about your goals.

I find that when I talk to others about my goals and read more success stories that I tend to be more excited about the goal.

Think about it, if more people know about what you are doing, and you accomplish that goal, then you have more people to share your success with.

5. Find Inspiration
For me, inspiration comes in many forms. For instance, I get inspired by reading other people’s success stories, but I also find inspiration when I read a new book.

Success stories show you that it isn’t impossible to be a success, and books can open the door to imagination and allow you to be creative.

Here are a few things that might just inspire you…

1. A family member (my grandma always inspired me to be a better person and to strive for excellence)
2. Charity or volunteering (I recently went to a food harvesting charity where my group and I were able to package up 10,000 pounds of food to send out to family who are in need, this inspired me to give back to my community and to others who are in need)
3. Teachers (I feel bad for some of my teachers who helped me, but they inspired me to get more out of life)
4. Superman or other super heroes (I know it may sound silly, but sometimes when you look towards others who can do anything it might just inspire you to get off your rump and get things done)

6. Stick with It
I know how it feels to be tired and drained and not want to do something. But I find that my motivation peaks when I push through the hard times because I have proven to myself that I can do it.

Commit to yourself that you will work on accomplishing your goal(s) every day. Speaking of commitment…

7. Commit Publicly
You will have a much more harder time dropping a goal if you commit to it publicly. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to have a giant speaking event to commit to your goal, but it could be as easy as putting it on Facebook, or sharing it with family and friends.

Trust me, none of us like to look bad in front of others. This method will keep you accountable and will hopefully motivate you to stick with your goal because you don’t want to fail in front of others.

8. Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help
Everybody’s motivation will drop, but it’s not a matter of when, rather it’s a matter of allowing yourself to ask for help so that you can refuel your motivation.

It can be as easy as emailing someone who will listen and inspire you (you can even email me if you want!), or joining an online forum, or posting to Facebook asking for guidance.

Don’t be afraid to ask for advice, just do it.

9. Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Thoughts
Negativity doesn’t help anyone. However optimism can help. It is important to take note of your daily thoughts and how you think of yourself and your ability to accomplish a goal.

If you are consistently saying that you are dumb or that you aren’t smart enough, then you are only fooling yourself and holding yourself back.

Instead of saying “I’m dumb,” just say “if this dumbie Kevin can do it, then I can too!” It may seem silly at first, but it will work.

10. Write a Thank You Note to Someone
I love writing thank you notes to others because it makes me feel happier, and typically if you are feeling happier then you will have more energy to be motivated.

Listen, sending a thank you note doesn’t have to be a huge letter or long drawn out story. It could be something like this…

“Dear (insert name),

I wanted to say thank you for helping me with (whatever it is they helped you with), it inspired me or helped me become a better person (writer, singer, etc.) and I appreciate you for that.

You are amazing and thank you so, very much.

Sincerely,

(Your name)”

and boom! You now have a thank you note that you can send out to someone who has helped you out.

Trust me, it can do wonders for boosting your motivation.

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“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone” ~ Maxwell Maltz

Being alone is boring and lonely. Or is it? There are definitely some of us that simply don’t like to be alone. Period. We need to be around people all the time. With the emergence of social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. we now can enjoy the company of others 24 hours a day 7 days a week, in the comforts of our own home. A party all day every day. The thought of logging off can cause some of us a great deal of anxiety.
Shutting down has its benefits too though. We get so wrapped up in tweeting, updating and hanging out with our friends that we tend to forget who we are. So, who are you, really? Can you enjoy your own company? The answer might surprise you. Here are 9 reasons why you should try hanging out with yourself for a change.

9 Reasons We Should Learn To Enjoy Our Own Company

1.Your creative side.

When you are alone, you will have the time to nurture and grow your creative side. Maybe you like to do oil painting, read, play piano, write but haven’t had the chance, or time, to do so because you’re never alone. Take time to delve into the artistic side of you. It just may turn out that you are better at it than you think.

2.Quiet your mind.

In this hustle and bustle world, it is easy to pick up the nervous energy and stress from others around us. When you take time to be by yourself, you will have the chance to do a brain dump. Get rid of the toxins from the day and just be with you and your thoughts. A freeing of the mind so to speak.

3.Shopping alone is fun, really.

I get that it’s fun to go shopping with your friends and hang out but when was the last time you tried shopping alone and enjoying you? For Christmas I always ask for Waterstones vouchers from my family, so once a year, usually in January, I set aside one full day to spend in Waterstones bookshop and get to spend £150, without feeling guilty, on books.  You can take your time, you’ll have no distractions and you just might like shopping alone.

4.Have a dinner date night.

This isn’t easy for everybody to do, going out to dinner alone, but try it. While you’re out, take the time to look around and observe others. By doing so, you can learn a lot about the behaviours of others and yourself. Do you see yourself in any of these people? Do you want to?

5.Road trip anyone?

When was the last time you took a road trip by yourself? Windows rolled down, music blaring, singing to the steering wheel, GPS in off mode. It’s extremely liberating. You can make little pit stops along the way and feed your adventurous side. You may even make new friends along the way.

6.Respect, admiration, adoration.

Is it just me or do people who can enjoy their own company gain more respect from others? An admiration, if you will. We are in awe of them because they are truly happy in their own skin, and being with their own company is something they clearly enjoy. Something that so many of us strive for. They exude self-confidence and self-respect. Who wouldn’t want more of that?

7.Say aaah please.

Aaaaah as in relaxing. Turn off the phones, turn off the computer, TV and put some relaxing music on and just chill out.  Take this time to meditate, journal or read a book. This is your time with you. Embrace you and enjoy it.

8.Face fears head on.

This may seem rather odd, but yes, you can face your fears better when you are alone and learn to appreciate and enjoy you because of it. Many of us need a friend or partner to help us face any sort of fear, but when we are forced to do it alone, we realize how brave and courageous we really are. Just knowing that you were able to do this by yourself is good enough reason to start trusting yourself more.

9.I kinda like this person called me.

Yes, I’m not so bad after all. As a matter of fact, I’m really kind of fantastic. Take time to get to know who you are. We never give ourselves enough time in a day to have a relationship with ourselves and because of that, many of us don’t even know who we are. Our personalities are often overshadowed by the people we spend the most amount of time with, be it co workers, your spouse, your friends, whoever. But who are you really. Spend some time with yourself and you’ll find out soon enough. I’m gonna bet, you just might like you.
If life and work demands get in the way of your alone time, try scheduling it on the calendar like you would a doctor’s appointment and stick to it. You are as equally important as your loved ones. Love yourself first.

 

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