When my son was only a few months old, I made a vow to myself that I would learn, and have the courage, to say no to things.

Now that he’s three, with another one on the way, I am revisiting that same vow.

Up until the point of being able to say no, I thoroughly enjoyed saying yes; I love doing the work. I was constantly on the go. Networking, building, creating, being involved with various groups and committees.

It’s something that’s very fulfilling for me. I enjoy meeting new, inspiring, high-energy, people. I like starting and building new projects.

The one consistent thing with all commitments is time.

We all have the same twenty-four hours in each day. Life is a bunch of choices and we have the choice on how we spend that precious time.

When I vowed to myself that I would begin to say no to things, what I was really doing was making more time for my family (family is number one to me and always will be).

When you take a step back and look at your day, if your family is at the top of your priority list, it’s almost scary to see the number of hours (lack of hours) we actually have together.

Doing some quick math I figure, that with my own family’s typical daily schedule, we spend a total of six hours of each day together. During that time there’s bath, meals, dishes, etc. It’s scary!

It completely breaks my heart. I don’t want to look back fifteen years from now and say I wish I would have been home more and spent more time with my children when they were young.

So part of this vow on saying no was really making room to spend as much valuable time with my family as possible.

I don’t believe in work-life balance. I look at it as a blend, it’s all life.

The big thing I learned, thus far, is that it’s not about being involved with everything, but rather involving yourself with the right things.

For me to say yes to things, I now prioritize those commitments, projects and opportunities.

In doing so, I ask myself these 5 questions before saying yes:

1. Where can I add the most value?

With time being my most prized resource, I want to make sure that what I am committing to is something I can add value to. Something that I can leave my mark on and make a difference to those involved; either now or down the road.

I look for things where I can offer my unique abilities.

2. Where can I gain the most?

This is where I get selfish. When thinking about what I want to commit to I look at the projects where I would gain the most.

Meaning, I never want to be the smartest person in the room. So I’m continuously seeking opportunities where I can learn the most about the things I want to learn more about.

At that same time, while I am adding value and providing my unique abilities, I want to be consuming other people’s unique abilities; those different from mine and particularly, the abilities that I lack completely.

This question may sound one-sided but I always commit to adding value first. This is a “givers-gain” mindset. Give to something where I can add the most value while gaining tremendous knowledge in the areas I lack from people way smarter than me.

3. What kind of people will I be surrounding myself with?

The people we surround ourselves with affects us tremendously. They affect our drive, motivation, beliefs, energy. They ultimately affect our output, as a person, as our work, as our art; both good and bad.

I want to be around the people who I aspire to be myself. I want to surround myself with highly motivated, energetic, intelligent, like-minded people.

4. Is it something that makes me feel good?

This is where I align commitment with passion, purpose and my heart.

This feeling will drive a lot of the other things going on in my life. It will affect the other people I am closest to. If it becomes just another task on my checklist, not only will I begin to feel the wear, but those around me will sense it and feel it as well.

I want to align it as closely to my core, my DNA, as possible.

5. Am I able to commit 100%?

When I say yes to something, I mean it. I want to give it my best 100% of the time. I want to give it my undivided attention and the attention that it needs and deserves; and ultimately, the attention that I promised.

When I noticed myself saying yes to everything I began to see the quality and productivity go down. I was spreading myself too thin.

We are wired to be able to think we can do it all. We may be able to, some make it work really well, but I can almost certainly say something is being sacrificed.

For most of us, we need to learn to say no.

Eric Ungs is founder of the Unless You Care Project. He writes and coaches about leading a life of intentional self growth, nudging you to let go; to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and honest with yourself so you can give your best self to others. Author of 10 Incredible Ways to Live a Fulfilling and Joyful Life ebook. Connect with Eric at UYCproject.com and on Twitter.

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Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours / Dale Carnegie

*Sigh*

Social gatherings are unnerving.

Do you feel uncomfortable around other people?

They talk … and you sit there like a fish. You try to join in the conversation but you struggle to find the right words. And everything you say sounds bland.

Why can’t you be a bubbly and engaging person?

I used to be awkward at social gatherings. I was stressed out about finding the right words. And when I said something it turned out completely wrong. I felt dumb.

But I implemented a simple plan. A plan to become interesting. To compel people to listen.

Shall I explain?

1. Read Like a Psychic

As a kid I loved watching psychic shows.

The dim lights. The quiet music that raises the tension as the psychic picks a volunteer from the crowd.

As expected the psychic reads the volunteer like an open book.

But once in a while he would miss.

He would say that the 40-year old man in a suit had made a big investment lately. And when he found out he was wrong, he’d say that the image wasn’t clear, and he’d soon make a big investment like buying a car, or a house, or property.

But when I grew up I found out their dirty little secret.

They don’t have supernatural powers. They’re exceptionally good at reading people. They obtain a great deal of information by analyzing the person’s body language, clothing and manner of speech. And then they make an educated guess.

The same approach works when communicating.

When you meet someone, don’t just look at him. PAY ATTENTION.

• Notice his clothing, body language and manner of speech.

• Engage him with questions using what you have observed.

• Notice subtle cues such as changes in facial expression or body language. They indicate whether you’ve nailed it or not.

Make it a game. Discover as much as you can about the other person.

Did you make him excited? Intrigued? If not, keep guessing.

Enchant people with your observations. Captivate them with your questions.

2. Write From The Heart

 Do you struggle with words?

Start writing.

It helps you develop your ability to express your ideas verbally. To come up with the right words every time.

But writing is not enough.

Ask yourself.

When you want something, how much logic do you use?

How much is based on emotion?

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion / Dale Carnegie

Listening to an emotionless speaker is like eating a bland dish. It might look delicious but after one bite you lose interest and move to a yummy piece of cake.

Spice up your writing.

Write from your heart. Get excited. Touch your audience. Make them feel your words.

When you speak from the heart you become enthusiastic. When you speak your truth you get excited. And enthusiastic people are so much more interesting listening to.

Write frequently.

You may not feel it happen, but it will change you. Drastically. You’ll still be you, but you’ll be a better version of you.

And you’ll see the results.

Where you used to get a halfhearted response from people, you’ll start getting their full attention.

Your thoughts will be formed better.

You’ll be more enthusiastic and your language more vivid, letting your emotions shine through.

Apply to emotions. Compel people to listen.

3. Stop Talking

You know how this goes.

You’re enjoying a cup of coffee with your friend.

He’s ranting about his job, how his boss gives him a hard time. Riding his ass the whole day for being late. But you’re so immersed in your own thoughts that you hardly hear what he’s saying.

When having a conversation do you listen? Or are you trying to come up with something smart to say?

Start listening.

Don’t try to come up with a solution. Pay attention to what the other person is saying.

Be truly interested in him. Ask questions.

Most people think they need to have smart ideas to be a good conversationalist, but it’s far more important to ask good questions.

This makes you an interesting conversationalist even when you say almost nothing.

Heck, you might even learn something new.

The Truth About Becoming Interesting

Being interesting is not about being an extrovert.

It’s not about having charisma or not.

To have a good chat, you need to listen more than you talk.

Pay attention to the other person. Be curious about him. Encourage him to speak.

Make him feel you’re genuinely interested in him.

Captivate him. Fascinate him. Enchant him.

Sweep him off his feet.

 

Benny (@BenjaminMalev) is an energetic family man. He’s on a mission to help men live their life to the fullest, while putting their family first. Join him and learn to live a vibrant life at Vibrant Dad.

 

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Deciding to take the step to getting healthy can be overwhelming as you often wonder where do you even start. There is so much information out there that trying to add in all these new foods and lifestyle changes can lead you feeling defeated before you have even begun.

I believe that you first need to look at the things that can be sabotaging your ability to lose weight and get healthy. These three things should be looked at if you are just getting started or you have already been committed to a healthy lifestyle for years

1. NOT EATING ENOUGH

I find this as one of the biggest misconceptions in weight loss.

It seems simple enough that if you start eating less you’ll automatically lose weight, But when you see how the body treats that you will think again before drastically cutting calories

Your body needs to be in a state of balance. If you’re cold your body starts to shiver to get warm, if you’re tired your body starts to slow down as it craves sleep. When you start to deprive yourself of food your body compensates by also slowing your metabolism. Since calories are being consumed sparingly the body will start to expend energy less in order to preserve the few precious calories it has.

This can grind weight loss to a halt as the body is now trying to desperately hold on to what it has making each pound loss a longer and longer process. The flip side is when an abundance of food is then introduced back in (which will eventually end up happening after trying to restrict food for too long) your body with an already lowered metabolism will very readily convert the new influx of calories into body fat.

Your body has been starved and it doesn’t know if it will be getting food again so it quickly converts the sudden influx of food into stored energy aka body fat.

A reduced calorie diet usually then follows and the same process continues over and over as that incremental bit of weight gain each time adds up to quite a lot over the years.

2. LACK OF SLEEP

We live in a society where it has almost become a badge of honor to proclaim how little sleep we got the night before but look how it doesn’t stop me!

This will certainly stop your weight loss pursuits though.

Lack of sleep can have a big impact on your hormone levels, primarily the hormone cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone that when out of balance and secreted too much can cause weight gain and a lower metabolism as another “preservation” mode.

When you get very little sleep, especially in the 4-5 hour mark your body is assuming there is some kind of stress going on. It doesn’t know if there is a some sort of physical threat or famine or that you’ve been up all night watching a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon.

Your body basically assumes something negative must be happening if it’s keeping your from sleep and those constantly elevated,unbalanced cortisol and stress hormone levels will severely sabotage your weight loss pursuits

• Try for at least 6-8 hours of sleep a night and remember that sleep and exercise will help to metabolize and burn off those stress hormones
• Create a wind down routine so your body get accustomed to recognizing when you start to slow down for the day
• Avoid T.V and electronics a few hours before bed. Blue light from our electronics can disrupt natural melatonin levels in the brain leading to unnatural circadian rhythms and very disrupted sleep

3. REGULAR DAILY STRESS

This will be related to the sleep issue but it’s becoming apparent that chronic stress is responsible for an immense amount of diseases and illnesses.

At the moment 43% of adults suffer adverse health effects from stress. And here is a list of just SOME of the effects of stress on the body:

• stroke
• heart disease
• hypertension
• diabetes
• anxiety
• IBS
• insomnia
• depression
• weight gain and obesity

You can see how weight gain and obesity seem almost secondary to these other horrible conditions but the effects of stress are two fold in weight loss pursuits; stress creates effects in the body that will allow weight loss to become excruciatingly hard while at the same time causing weight gain itself.

Reducing stress in your life is not only beneficial for your waistline but your entire overall health and wellness.

There are some simple steps you can take to help reduce and remove stress from your life including:

• Adequate and consistent sleep
• exercise and yoga
• a whole foods based diet
• elimination of junk and preservative laden “foods”
• Meditation
• recognizing what stresses are in and out of your control
• deep breathing exercises

This only scratches the surface of things you can do to reduce stress but hopefully it encourages you to explore all options in taking back your health and wellness.

WRAPPING IT ALL UP

There are other things involved with getting underway in weight loss but if you keep these 3 things in your back pocket it will help set you up for success.

Remember to:

• Not deprive your body of food but focus on fresh, whole foods consistently to allow your body to keep fed, nourished and your metabolism high
• Not deprive yourself of sleep. Allow your body to rest and repair rather than force it to elevate its stress hormones and set you back
• Try and remove or at least manage sources of stress in your life. Your weight loss pursuits and your overall health will be all the better for it.

 

Jamie Logie is a personal trainer and nutrition and wellness specialist who runs regainedwellness.com and the Regained Wellness Podcast. You can get the free Healthy Eating Starter Kit ebook by going to http://ift.tt/1FrNCPe

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Are you performing at a high level in your area of focus such as sports, health, business, blogging, or at work? Whatever your area of focus, reading your goals often can produce faster and more consistent results. Losing sight of your goals can leave you stagnant or swimming against the current. I have compiled five key insights and beliefs that I hope will sell you on the importance of frequently reading what matters most—your goals!

1. A destination without a road map is a wish.

One of the main objectives of writing goals is to determine the steps you need to take to arrive at your desired destination. A daily review of the road map to your goals will ultimately put you in the best position to successfully execute the plan you’ve written for yourself. If the plan becomes second nature (like the route you take to the gym or to work), then the targeted goal and its route become inevitable.

2. Without repetition, goals will escape the mind.

I think everyone has listened to a song and then found that we “replayed” it in our mind for a few days (the earworm phenomenon). Yet the entire song is available to us via memory only for several days; inevitably, it seems to fade from memory over the coming weeks.

Goals are very similar. Reviewing goals frequently enables us to easily recall their steps or benchmarks when we are not reviewing them, which gives us a stronger probability of implementing the actions necessary to achieve them. Frequently reviewed steps will eventually create a pathway in the brain if we consistently review them and not allow them to escape us. There are many studies that back the benefits that repetition has on the brain.

3. We will lose desire, which causes a goal to lose its value.

One major drawback of not reviewing our goals is that we will eventually lose desire for them.

Personal development godfather Jim Rohn says, “Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.”

Goals, too, will eventually lose value if they are not reviewed frequently. Reviewing goals at least 10 times each week enables us to mindlessly pivot towards them to make them realities. We know that thoughts can become actions. As a result, we can reach our goals faster.

4. Progress equals happiness.

The more tasks we accomplish and the greater progress we experience towards reaching our goals, the more our self-respect will increase.

When we feel an increase in personal value, our sense of worth keeps us happy. Think of someone who is trying to lose weight. Do they stop after losing 6 pounds? Usually not, and the reason is that losing 6 pounds represents real progress and, in turn, an increased sense of personal value. That motivates the dieter to lose more weight.

5. Reading our goals daily should motivate us.

Life is easier when we wake up every morning and review our life’s purpose through a review of our goals. We then activate that energy and momentum as we take one step closer to our destination.

Maybe your goals are written down clearly to the extent that you become charged every time you read them. But are you able to recall your goals and plans like a melody that sticks in your mind, so that your actions reflect your goals?

By practicing ongoing repetition, we become programmed to know the steps to take to reach our ultimate destination. It is worth the time spent!

Stay strong and dig deep daily to produce what’s important to you faster. The benefits and outcomes will result in your masterfully illustrated dream board.

I am curious to know . . .

• How do you make certain that your goals are reviewed?
• What changes do you witness in your life when you do or don’t review them? Do you become energized?

Brad DeVore is founder and coach for the personal excellence website PositiveJump.com. To receive his free list of personal excellence tips and other authentic content, click success to sign up for updates or learn more about the new PositiveJump nation!

 

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