Modern society, as a whole, tends toward a sort of institutional optimism, espousing Hegelian notions of history as progress and encouraging us to believe happiness is at least potentially available for all, if only we would pull together in a reasonable manner. Hence the kind of truth pessimists tell us will always be a subversive truth.
Month: May 2017
Hector Elizondo: Caregiver – The Toughest Role I’ve Ever Had To Play
During my 50+ years as an actor, I’ve played the head of a hospital in Chicago Hope, a wise hotel manager in Pretty Woman, head of security in The Princess Diaries and a fierce boss in ABC’s Last Man Standing. But, the toughest and most rewarding role I ever had to play was that of being a caregiver for my parents.
It was my mother who first needed care. She developed Alzheimer’s disease and my father stepped up to care for her. He even took her to work with him so he could make sure she was safe during the day. Eventually, my father felt overwhelmed and left his job to devote himself completely to her care. He was there for her every minute of every day, without a break to focus on himself and his own needs.
As a loving husband, my father never hesitated to take on this responsibility and he never complained. But, he also never reached out to the rest of the family to let us know that it was getting too much. We checked in with him every day but we didn’t realize the toll it was taking on his health. So, it came as a shock when he suffered a nervous breakdown and his immune system collapsed. Suddenly, it was not only my mother who needed a caregiver but my father as well.
I stepped in to give him more support. It started with simple tasks, like scheduling doctor’s visits or helping with daily errands. Gradually, over time, my role expanded. Before I knew it, my whole life had changed and my world was revolving around my parents’ care.
Now, I look back and wonder how I did it all.
At that time, I was starring on Broadway and was young and healthy. I didn’t recognize how exhausted I was. Caregivers often risk compromising their own health, like my father did, because they focus so much of their attention on another person.
In honor of my parents, I’m spreading the word about a national campaign from AARP and the Ad Council to help the 40 million unpaid family caregivers in the U.S. get the support they need to care for themselves and their loved ones.
Many caregivers, especially men, don’t think of themselves as caregivers. They see themselves as sons, daughters, spouses and friends just doing what families do for each other. Like my father, they may not reach out for help until they exhaust themselves. They may not even know that there are resources available that can help.
AARP’s Caregiving Resource Center at aarp.org/caregiving offers practical tools and tips, such as Care Guides tailored to specific topics and challenges. It includes guides on how to care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. There’s also information about local caregiving resources and an online community for sharing advice with other caregivers.
I wish my father and I would have known about resources like this years ago. Caregiving can be tough, but it can be a lot easier if you don’t to face it alone.
Author’s Bio
Hector Elizondo is an American film and TV actor who has been Golden Globe-nominated for his performance in Pretty Woman. He has written this post to help spread awareness of caregiver strain and burden and how help is available.
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Val Emmich on the Books that Strike the Balance
“My favorite novels blend comedy and tragedy. That was my goal for The Reminders — to write a book that was fun and playful but also weighty and introspective. Not all of the books listed below strike that balance, but each informed how I ultimately settled on the right emotional timbre for my novel.” — Val Emmich
The Selected Works of T. S. Spivet
By Reif Larsen
“Beautifully intricate illustrations fill the margins of nearly every page of this one-of-a-kind novel about a twelve-year-old cartographer on his way to claim an award from the Smithsonian Institution. Larsen’s ambition is only slightly less impressive than his execution. For all its whimsy, the book has real heart. Stephen King called it a ‘treasure.’”
A Single Man
By Christopher Isherwood
“Lyrical and heartrending. Isherwood masterfully captures the zombie-like existence that is life after loss. The memories arriving unbidden. The effort required to seem okay for the benefit of others. The daily shock upon waking to find that the person you built your life around is truly gone and the path ahead is no longer certain, ‘as though the track had disappeared down a landslide.’”
This Is Where I Leave You
By Jonathan Tropper
“Tropper’s novel begins with the line ‘Dad’s dead.’ The first line in my book is ‘Dad forgot me.’ That was an accident. Or was it? This book is a joy to read, and a joyful reading experience is something I cherish more and more as I get older. Hanging with the Foxmans is like spending time with my own dysfunctional family — only here, after all the laughs, I get to walk away with no hard feelings.”
All the Birds, Singing
By Evie Wyld
“I remember turning to my wife while reading this book and saying, ‘This is insane.’ I was referring both to the story on the page and the achievement of writing it. It has the energy and drama of a thriller, but it’s more nuanced than that, and ultimately more devastating. Wyld brings her protagonist Jake’s past to life in a way that makes us truly believe she can’t get out from under it.”
About a Boy
By Nick Hornby
“I learned a lot watching how Hornby juggled this dual narrative of an adult and a child. Two drastically different characters come together with hysterically awkward results. But then we realize, Oh, this guy and this kid aren’t that different after all. Actually, we can’t even tell which one is the grown-up and which is the boy. Hornby makes all of this look easy. It’s not.”
Giovanni’s Room
By James Baldwin
“Reading this book while writing mine was probably a mistake. I can never hope to write half as movingly as Baldwin does here (or anywhere). But it was something to aspire to. Particularly how Baldwin viscerally captures feelings of longing, regret, and desire. As everyone already knows, this novel is a classic.”
Where’d You Go, Bernadette
By Maria Semple
“For all the attention Where’d You Go, Bernadette gets for its hilarity (and it really is hilarious; one of the rare times ‘laugh-out-loud’ holds true), the book is unexpectedly moving. Part of that has to with its inspired formatting (told through emails, faxes, hospital reports, live-blog transcripts). By sorting through the modern detritus they’ve left behind, we somehow know these characters more intimately than we could even if allowed inside their minds.”
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
By Jonathan Safran Foer
“This is the best example on the list of a novel that can do both: make you laugh and cry. It’s also a detective story and a moving exploration of grief. I admire Foer’s bravery and audacity as a writer. With all its typographical quirks (photographs, full-color pages, text that keeps decreasing in size until it’s too tiny to read), this is a book you want to own a physical copy of. And don’t watch the movie.”
The Barnes & Noble Review http://ift.tt/2rZ5oFR
More women are being put behind bars. Fewer should be
ONE of Mexico’s newest prisons allows inmates to receive a conjugal visit every week. The rooms set aside for these visits at Coatlán del Río have clean beds, showers and toilets. Any married inmate can use them, as can same-sex couples, if they tied the knot in a Mexican state where gay marriage is allowed.
Alas, the conjugal rooms are barely used. This is a women’s prison and their menfolk are a bit unreliable. “Women in prison are often abandoned,” says an experienced guard at the prison. Of the 1,400 inmates, how many receive regular conjugal visits? “Only one,” she sighs. Another inmate was sentenced for smuggling drugs to her husband in a different jail. He was released and promptly found another woman, says the guard.
Serious criminals are nearly all male, which is why less than 10% of the world’s prisoners are women. But the number of female prisoners has soared by 50% since 2000. This is worrying. Women in prison are far less likely than men to…
Too many prisons make bad people worse. There is a better way
“DO YOU want a coffee?” It is a chilly morning on the ferry to Bastoy, an island prison in Norway. Two burly ferrymen greet a visiting journalist with a hot drink. Asked if they work for a local ferry company, they reply: “No, we are prisoners.” One is serving 14 years for attempted murder. The other, nine years for “drugs and violence”. The ferry is moored and there is no one around. Either man could easily make a run for it. But neither does. Hardly anyone tries to escape from Bastoy.
It has been called the “world’s nicest prison”, but this misses the point. The rooms are pleasant enough. The inmates can wander where they like on the island, go cross-country skiing in the winter and fish in the summer. So long as they keep it tidy they can enjoy the beach (see picture). Yet what is most unusual about Bastoy is not that it treats prisoners like human beings, but that it treats them like adults.
Prisons in other parts of the world try to stop inmates from laying hands…
Concrete Pavilion with Pool, Sauna and Hot Tub in Tehran, Iran
This project, located in Tehran, Iran, was completed by the architectural firm Kourosh Rafiey Architectural Design Studio (KRDS). This swimming pool & spa is located in a private garden which is surrounded by green areas and pine trees. Perched atop a small hill and surrounded by green gardens, it has wonderful views over the city. The pavilion, a concrete construction, is located on one side of a rectangular swimming pool. Inside,..
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Lassen Volcanic National Park in California is home to steaming…
Lassen Volcanic National Park in California is home to steaming fumaroles, meadows freckled with wildflowers, clear mountain lakes, and numerous volcanoes. Jagged peaks tell the story of its eruptive past while roaring steam, thumping mud pots and boiling pools continue to shape the land. Photo of a starry night over Lake Manzanita by Kedar Datta (http://ift.tt/18oFfjl).
The Profound Effects Of Meditation On The Mind
Life can feel like it’s moving at a VERY fast pace. Sometimes, it can be exciting and all-encompassing, like you’re riding an energetic wave of creativity and excitement. At other times, it can feel overwhelming and frantic.
Which side of the coin are you currently on?
Do you feel stressed and burnt out trying to keep up? Or do you feel energized, fresh and ready to take on the day?
Hopefully, it is the latter of the two. But, if you do feel overwhelmed with heavy emotions, hang on as there are some fantastic tools and practices you can use to help manage your life.
Today, we will look at the effects of meditation on the mind.
Finding the balance
In western society, finding balance might be laughed at. It’s the last thing on people’s minds.
The minute you find the job you’ve always wanted, your relationships plays up. The minute the kids are back at school, your boss begins to become more of a challenge. Whatever it is you’re dealing with, life can feel like it’s either making you or breaking you.
Some people in life face challenges in a negative way. They whine and complain constantly about how difficult their lives are.
I was guilty of this around six or seven years ago. I was never content and I was extremely burnt out and fed up. Not only did I drive myself mad, but it began to rub off on others, too. Luckily, I found a path out and a skill set to move forward in life in a way I never knew was possible.
There are also people who had challenges, suffered the initial setback but were able to be more resilient and optimistic in overcoming life’s obstacles. They mastered the tools and skills that helped them to take on challenges in a far more productive way.
The effects of meditation on the mind
I always thought that you were either born with thick skin or you weren’t. But, as I make my way through life, I’ve realized that training your mind is simply a skill.
Like any skill we develop, it takes time, dedication and a big reason to start training in the first place. What if we viewed the mind like we do our health, the food we eat, brushing our teeth or taking a shower? I know if I didn’t shower for a week, I would feel awful and the people around me would stay clear!
One of the most effective ways to look after your mind’s health is through meditation.
See Also: Questions and Answers: A Beginners Guide to Meditation
Removing the stereotype
The word ‘meditation’ comes with quite a bit of religious and spiritual connotations. Just saying the word can make you think about monks in robes, candles, and gongs.
If you want to know the profound effects of meditation on the mind, it’s time to remove those connotations and just take it as it is.
Through scientific research, we know how much meditation has to offer and it’s becoming increasingly popular with large businesses. Google, professional athletes, celebrities and health organizations are just some of the institutions that are valuing meditation more than ever. It’s a phenomenal tool to help you look after the health of your mind.
Meditation is simply health for your mind! It’s that simple.
If you go to the gym and do a workout, you treat that as health for your body. We can view meditation in exactly the same way — a way to a healthier, happier mind.
The TV and the table
Imagine you are sat at home in your living room while watching the TV. In this metaphor, the TV represents your thoughts and feelings while the TV remote is the device you use to manage them.
Now, consider watching TV as watching your mind. This is one of the fundamental foundations of meditation. It’s your ability to watch your mind without any judgment. So, imagine you’re sitting watching the TV and scenes of anger, worry, judgment, desire and others arise. You simply stay rooted on the sofa and watch. This is known as ‘awareness’ and is something you should be skilled at.
Now, you have a remote with you, although there is a caveat. On the remote, you only have a volume switch which means that the channels can’t be changed. With meditation and time, you’ll learn how to slowly but surely turn the volume down and sit comfortably with whatever comes into your mind.
On the other side of the room, there is a table. Once you can skilfully sit and view the mind without getting lost in its stories, you can then turn the mind’s volume down and move to the table.
The table can be viewed as all the choices you have in your life. This can be your value systems, visions or things you are grateful for. It is your outlook on life and your ability to create the life you desire.
With the TV being a little bit quieter, it’s a lot easier to set a vision and create the life you want. If the TV is extremely loud, it’ll be very difficult to create the vision you desire.
Conclusion
We have all been there — absorbed in watching the TV at home. There are many times we can get lost in our thoughts and feelings.
Whether you feel extremely angry or overwhelmed with worry, meditation provides you with a skill that can help you become more aware of your mind. It provides a way to manage your thoughts, good or bad, far more effectively.
Step into your greatness today and see for yourself the effects of meditation on the mind.
See Also: The Secret Mind Hacks That Can Change Your Life Today
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Austin Maynard Architects Design a Home in the Melbourne Suburb of Kew
The architectural firm Austin Maynard Architects completed, in the year 2015, the expansion of this beautiful house located in the suburb of Kew, in Melbourne, Australia. It has an extension of 720 square meters with a built area of 348 square meters. The owner of the house was looking for a space where he could live for the next 25 years, a home where his children could grow, adapted to..
The post Austin Maynard Architects Design a Home in the Melbourne Suburb of Kew appeared first on HomeDSGN.
Slowly Let Go Of These 5 Things When Your Child Becomes A Teen
Are you a helicopter dad?
Used originally by Dr. Haim Ginott, helicopter parenting is a term used to describe parents who hover over their kids’ lives like a helicopter. It has been added to the dictionary in 2011 and has since become common lingo among parenting experts.
Helicopter parenting can take many forms. The most common of which involves parents doing tasks for their children despite the latter being capable of doing the tasks on their own.
By helicopter parenting, we prevent our children from developing a healthy self-esteem and building the necessary skills they’ll need to transition into adulthood. It can cause a loss of intimacy with our kids as they grow older, too. Teens that feel suffocated by their parents report anxiety and the sense that their parents lack confidence in them.
Though it can be tempting to give our teens the same generous support we offered them when they were still young children, you need to change your mindset and behavior to get them on the right track.
Read on to discover 5 things you should stop doing for your teens today.
Pushing Your Timeline
In the same way that we might have hung up our toddler’s coat for them in order to hurry the routine, we might find ourselves rushing them when choosing their academic focus as a teenager. When we rush our children, we are prioritizing our own timeline for them over their unique process. Although your teen might eventually adjust to your timeline, in doing so, they could lose an important learning opportunity to trust their own instincts.
Give them a chance to take the initiative to do further research so they can gain confidence in their own decision-making process. Encourage them to explore what their own expectations are for themselves. Have regular conversations with them about what goals are important to them and why. Help them focus on their intentions and what motivates them.
Fixing Their Emotions
It’s not easy to watch our kids have a bad day or a bad week. However, teenagers need to learn how to cope with the full range of their emotions so that they can handle life’s struggles better. One of the most common ways that parents undermine their children’s growth is by trying to “fix” their children’s difficult moods.
Whether you do this by offering your crying toddler a cookie or lending your heartbroken teen your car, you prevent your child from processing the experience. An inability to sit with and handle disappointment leads to addictions and mental health struggles.
So, for the health of your teen, let them cry it out. If this is particularly difficult for you, consider seeking external support from a counselor or coach who can help you develop soft skills in emotional intelligence.
See Also: 10 Ways to Avoid Making Your Kid Resent You
Doing All the Day-to-Day Chores
Cleaning their room, packing their lunches and doing their own laundry and dishes are all excellent learning opportunities for your teens. One thing that household chores have in common is that they are repeated regularly. This makes them an excellent way for your teens to learn discipline and experience the natural consequences of falling behind.
With moving out of the family home on the horizon, it’s important for your teen to practice chores that will help them survive their day-to-day lives.
Once your teens take the initiative to wash their own dishes, don’t pick up the slack when they forget. Let the dishes pile up without nagging them, and give them a chance to catch up. If they bring the dishes up, inquire about what they find difficult with the chore. Offer to share what you do to stay on top of your own household work.
Tackling Their Complex Tasks
Life becomes increasingly complex as we grow up and gain new responsibilities.
While your teens won’t have you around at the office to help them prioritize for their first big project, they do have you around right now so consider this a unique training ground. Instead of taking over their application process, offer to be a sounding board. Guide them as they learn how to break down complicated challenges into more manageable tasks. This shift in mindset is about learning how to do things with your teens rather than for them.
You can take this lesson to the next level by letting them apprentice with you in some of the more complex household planning. Why not invite them to join you in learning about how life insurance works when you switch plans? Not only will this prepare them for the future, but it will also give them the chance to watch how you tackle detailed tasks.
Keeping Control of Their Finances
Because most teenagers do not have to pay for living expenses yet, they may lack proper budgeting skills. Use this time to teach your teens on how they can keep track of their finances, especially those who work part-time.
Once your teenager is ready to start his college applications, he should also be ready to start thinking about how he can pay for his education.
Begin by sitting down with your teen and teaching him the basics of budgeting over a series of conversations. Go over things as many times as he needs until he feels comfortable with handling his finances. This will not only teach him the necessarily skills to be financially responsible, but it will also help him feel more confident with his own capabilities.
Strategies for a Better Future
While the teenage years may not be a walk in the park for anyone, there are simple and effective strategies you can use to improve your relationship with your teens while helping them mature into happy and well-adjusted adults. Begin by making one of these 5 shifts and pay attention to how your teenager reacts. Soon enough they’ll be out on their own, and you’ll have the pleasure of knowing you helped them get there.
See Also: The Problem of the Perfect Parent
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Sig Nordal 