15 Tips On How To Live A Fulfilling Life

You despise yourself because of your imperfections. You loathed your skin color, your monolid eyes, your body shape—almost everything about you. That’s why you try really hard to get rid of them.

However, although a lot of people are already appreciating you, you still can’t be happy.

Why?

It’s because you don’t know your real flaws, the flaws that you have within you. They are those things that make you feel like you don’t belong in your own body.

Now, to address those issues, here are 15 tips on how to live a fulfilling life.

Be good to yourself

love yourself

If you will not be kind to yourself, who else will?

You need to take good care of your body because that is your temple. You need to protect it against your detractors and the only way to save yourself from them is to love yourself. Always remember that you should be the first person who should accept you for what you are.

See Also: 5 Steps to Loving Yourself and Living Happily Ever After

Create a support system

No matter how hard you try to be good to yourself, if the people around you like to disparage you, it’s still of no use. If you have a set of friends who always keep pointing out your flaws, distance yourself from them.

It may be hurtful to leave them, but it will be more painful if you will stay. You don’t need people who keep on giving up on you. You need people who will stay despite your shortcomings.

Dissolve feelings of shamefulness

You are ashamed of yourself because you think that you are not worthy to be loved and appreciated. You think that people will always point out your defect that’s why you just chose to hide it.

But, remember this:

Your skin color is beautiful and your scars are part of your journey. It’s society’s standard of beauty that must be forgotten.

Embrace your differences

You are born like that because you are special. If you will try to acquaint yourself with how society accepts every human being, you’ll end up being lost in the ocean of masked individuals.

Your differences make you unique, so you should own your individuality. If you are going to get rid of it, how would people distinguish you?

Focus on the positive side

Don’t think that your imperfections are the reasons why you failed. Everything happens for a reason and the reason is that you deserve much better.

If you will just look closely, you will realize that there’s a bright side in every situation. Don’t focus on the bad things that you forget how great life is. After all, it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

Stop rating yourself

When you rate yourself, you’re creating a standard that needs to be met. If you will set criteria every day and you’re not able to achieve them, you’ll end up dissatisfied for no reasons.

Rating yourself isn’t healthy. It will stop you from accepting your strengths and weaknesses as a person. It can even make you feel insecure about yourself.

See Also: Are You Your Own Best Friend Or Your Own Worst Enemy?

Appreciate the little things

Self-fulfillment isn’t always about getting a huge recognition; it’s also about being able to appreciate the small triumphs that you have. As what Frank Clark said, “Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.”.

If you will change your focus, you will discover that small things could actually make you smile.

Don’t give up on yourself

The reason why people couldn’t reach for their dreams is simply because they’ve given up on them. You are what you are dreaming of. So, if you choose to give up on your dreams, you are also giving up on yourself.

If you’re tired, take time to rest. Consider the rejections you encounter as lessons and not as failures. It’s not yet the end, so just turn the page to the next chapter of your life. Learn to trust yourself and you will surely make it.

Ditch the standard of perfection

Nobody’s perfect. You can’t fix yourself no matter how hard you try to make it better. Break the standards of society by accepting the fact that you shouldn’t live to the expectations of others. You are beautiful in your own way. The people who told you that you are not might also be like you.

Don’t let other people define you by your imperfections. Be a good person and let your personality and attitude speak up for yourself.

Turn your weakness into strength

Forget the notion that your weakness is the reason why you fail. In fact, you can make it as one of your strengths.

With the right mindset, you will learn to turn the things that you’re not good at into something that will make you productive. Give yourself the chance to be able to let the things that you’re scared of encourage you to focus on your main goals, and not to mind the situations that will stop you from achieving them.

Always be thankful

be thankful

You’re alive and you exist. Isn’t that something to be thankful for?

There are things that you forgot to be thankful for because you’re more focused on something that is big. You have so many blessings in your life but you fail to notice them.

Like what Oprah Winfrey stated, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”.

Choose a realistic mantra

There are mantras that aren’t even achievable. If you can’t choose a mantra, you can actually make one. The mantras that you will create should make it easier for you to tap into your true spirit and self.

For example:

“I am in control of my actions and emotions.”.

This is great for people who find it hard to control their reactions to unexpected situations.

Face your life’s drama

Problems are necessary to help you grow as an individual. Whether you like it or not, you need to face the dilemmas that life is giving you. How you direct your life has an important role on how your life would end up.

The challenges you encounter allow you to discover the real you. How you deal with each problem says a lot about you as a person. You’ll also know your limits once you have an idea of who you truly are.

Don’t compare yourself with others

Comparing yourself to others is like comparing an apple to an orange. They might be fruits but they’re not the same type. Even an apple is different from another apple.

If you will compare yourself with others, you will end up feeling disappointed with yourself. So, don’t hate or love your imperfections. Instead, accept them with all your heart.

Accept constructive criticism

Criticism should help you develop and improve yourself without changing who you really are. Take note that not everyone who gives comments on you wants to make you feel bad about yourself.

Sometimes, the negative statements people say to you don’t really mean that they hate you. It may seem like it, but they’re concerned about you. If ever you encounter this type of critics, smile and be thankful.

Just like the lyrics of Jessie J’s song, “Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars”, you shouldn’t let your true self get lost just to feel that you belong. If you think that you don’t fit in, learn how to stand out. You are uniquely beautiful in your own way.

You don’t need the validation of someone to have a more fulfilled life. It doesn’t matter if they’ll love or hate you. What matters the most is that you’re embracing the real you and that’s the most beautiful gift you could give to yourself.

 

The post 15 Tips On How To Live A Fulfilling Life appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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How to Rejuvenate Your Life with These Remarkable Lifestyle Changes

You’re reading How to Rejuvenate Your Life with These Remarkable Lifestyle Changes, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

lifestyle changes

The quest for happiness is innate to human beings. Even in ancient times when there was no global connectivity and no axe to grind with one another, civilizations prevailed because of stability and an urge of making kingdoms happy.

Coming back to the present context, today human existence is grappling with a huge range of issues. Terrorism, famine, poverty, fundamentalism, tyranny and social crimes are eliciting a grim picture to the fore. The good thing, however, is being happy doesn’t have to do anything with these issues. It is something that is at the core our existence.

Unfortunately, many people succumb to unfavorable circumstances and make themselves lead a miserable life. It is noteworthy to understand that only a happy person can make others happy.

If you want to be happier & healthier and ready to make lifestyle changes, there are several ways to do that. It is about time you have made a decision to be happy and bring the smile to the faces of your loved ones.

lifestyle changes

Here are the powerful lifestyle changes you need to rejuvenate your life with:

  1. Be compassionate and help others

You are not the only one who is in dire straits, there are others who need your help and who do not know to get over their sorrows. Be compassionate and extend your helping hand to such people. This is a great human service and you will forget your own unhappiness. There is an age-old philosophy – “what goes around comes around” – so if you are ready to extend this gesture, you will get it back with interest. However, you shouldn’t help others for getting something in return, for such an attitude will not fulfill the purpose of attaining happiness. Rather, being compassionate and helpful gives a great satisfaction. By doing that you are providing a life change for two individuals – yourself and the recipient of your compassion.

  1. Connect with your friends

Being with friends is one of the greatest fulfillment. You don’t have to think and behave in a particular manner whenever you hang-out with your friends. When you are unhappy and hopeless, your friends are there for you. Moreover, staying isolated and lonely makes no sense when we are social animals and enjoy one another’s company. Be it a friend, family member or a colleague, you need a selfless person who can keep you motivated and lively. Indulge in a conversation with your friends and intimate them about the challenges you are confronting and the things you are learning from them. It would be great if you keep organizing sweet get- together with your close pals and spend precious moments with each other. On other occasions such as weddings or birthdays of your friends, you can give them their favorite bottle of beer with personalized beer bottle labels having photos and images of previous memories.

  1. Laugh, smile and encourage others to do so

Laughter has an enormous healing power as it is often termed as the best medicine. Spend some time with people who make you laugh or you can watch comic videos on the internet. Indulging in activities that prompt laughter, will give you a big relief and you can feel the flow of happiness. However, you shouldn’t stop at that, you should encourage others to laugh as well. Since laughter is contagious, your act of laughing may titillate others as well. It ensures that you are spreading a sense of positivity around yourself. Furthermore, smiling releases endorphins – hormones of happiness. A good way of smiling is to get hold of an old photo album consisting memorable photographs. Just go through them and you won’t stop yourself from smiling.

  1. Be grateful

Be grateful for life, as some moments bring happiness while others may make you upset, but the simple fact of life is it is your own choice to be happy and healthy. Many philosophers believe making a statement gives an individual more of what he is grateful for. So if you believe that you are grateful for a good health – you will indeed get more good health. Being grateful for the beauty of nature even soothes your innermost self. Come out and go into the lap of nature and feel the lush green trees, blooming flowers and appreciate mountains & valleys. If being grateful in this manner doesn’t make you feel happy and fulfilling, nothing is.

  1. Exercise regularly

Exercise is considered as a cure for every disease and negativity that unfortunately may come in your life. A regular exercise not only keeps your body weight in check, and it makes you stronger and gives you a feeling of youthfulness. When you work out daily, you become active, less stressed out, less anxious, calm and more importantly happier. Exercise releases dopamine – a neurotransmitter in your brain that is responsible for happiness and pleasure. Exercising also boosts your confidence. It gives you a feeling that you are well within the reach of neutralizing negative effects in your life.

Final Words

Happiness cannot and should not be one’s destination; it should be a way of life. Nobody can make you happy if you yourself don’t want to be. Everything in life cannot go according to your will, in fact sometimes everything opposite happens. But you always have options and reasons to be happy. The above-mentioned lifestyle changes are powerful tips to remain happy and healthy in life.

You’ve read How to Rejuvenate Your Life with These Remarkable Lifestyle Changes, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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3 Self-Improvement Tips to Achieve a New You in 6 Months

You’re reading 3 Self-Improvement Tips to Achieve a New You in 6 Months, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Self Improvement

It takes time and dedication to reach life-changing goals. Or at least this is what we are told. While staying dedicated to achieving your goals goes without saying, time is subjective and it relies on the approach you take to living your ideal life. The common self-improvement goals shared by most people are these: to look good and feel good. There are a lot of approaches out there that can give people these results in a year’s time. However, by doing some research and finding alternative methods to achieving these goals, you can cut that time in half and get noticeable results (and even hit your goal completely) in as little as six months.

1- Body Contouring Gives that Sculpted Look We All Want

If you came off rapid weight loss and have saggy skin, or you want a sculpted look without undergoing plastic surgery or spending years in the gym, body contouring is a safe, effective alternative. Popular today and predicted to dominate 2018 is non-surgical body contouring with UltraShape Power or VelaShape III; procedures dominating skin care and med spas in New York City and other fashionable large cities. UltraShape Power is the only FDA-approved non-surgical body contouring treatment. It uses ultrasound technology to destroy fat without damaging tissue, nerves and blood vessels. VelaShape III is another body contouring option for patients who prefer RF and IR energies that hone in on deep tissue designed to sculpt slim profiles. Many people start with UltraShape Power to destroy fat and then follow up with VelaShape III treatments on the neck, face, and arms to sharpen the sculpted look. Individual results vary, though most report noticeable differences they love in as little as six months.

2- Work with a Skilled Life Coach

If your goal is to truly understand what you want in life, or to be a better parent, or even to map out a path to achieving your career goals, life coaching is an ideal way to get huge results in as little as six months. The trick to finding a great coach is to look for one that specializes in your area of need and to find one you connect with right off the bat. You should also never limit your search within your own city, as life coaches offer sessions over the phone and via Skype. You can find a life coach in Los Angeles who is perfect for helping you with parenting, or who specializes in working with women, and have a highly successful experience even if you live in Manhattan. As long as you don’t have special needs that would require a psychiatrist, life coaches are skilled, caring individuals gifted at helping others live lives they will love.

3- Work with a Personal Trainer

Working with a personal trainer is a great way to look better in as little as six months. Besides, there are many ways how personal training can improve your life outside from getting a great body. If you are coming off an injury or you wish to improve your social skills, working with a personal trainer can help you achieve these goals too! But as for getting an ideal look in six months’ time be sure to find a personal trainer who has a portfolio of clients proving that his programs work in your desired time frame. Truly knowledgeable personal trainers customize body goal plans for each individual client based on their age, general health condition, history of injuries, and specific wishes for their new look.

Why Not Score a Hat Trick and Use All Three?

To truly reach the pinnacle of self-improvement, why not start life coaching sessions while getting body contouring treatment on your lunch break, and then see a personal trainer after work? Utilizing all three of these life-changing services could turn a hat trick milestone in your life garnering the ability for you to look and feel like you are on top of the world in no time!

You’ve read 3 Self-Improvement Tips to Achieve a New You in 6 Months, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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Buried in the Machine: Franklin Foer on “World Without Mind”

“Our faith in technology is no longer fully consistent with our belief in liberty,” Franklin Foer warns in his provocative polemic, World Without Mind: The Existential Threat of Big Tech. The book has its roots in the former New Republic editor’s bitter 2014 departure from that magazine after he clashed with its owner, Facebook co-founder Chris Hughes. Foer saw firsthand how Facebook has bent journalism to its will, with serious writing struggling to compete against algorithm-pleasing clickbait. The experience led him to explore how Facebook and three other behemoths, Apple, Amazon, and Google, are reshaping our world in darker ways than most of us care to consider. The book, chilling yet entertaining, is above all a call to action. It’s not the job of the tech giants, the author writes, “to worry about their power. That anxiety falls to the rest of us, and we should be far clearer about the problem: Companies that are indifferent to democracy have acquired an outsized role in it.” I spoke to Foer by phone; the following is an edited transcript of our conversation. — Barbara Spindel

The Barnes & Noble Review: You call for people to consider the consequences of the monopolistic tendencies of the big tech companies, but so many people love these companies for the convenience they bring to our lives. I don’t think early-twentieth-century Americans felt the same way about the industrial titans.

Franklin Foer: These devices are magic to us. It’s astonishing that before I finish this paragraph I could download almost any book to my phone and could call up any esoteric piece of information to my browser. On the one hand, these companies have the most immense cultural prestige — we tend to love them. On the other hand, there’s a confluence of many issues rushing to a head right now. We’re starting to deal with the prospect of a future where there are not so many jobs, thanks to robots. As parents, we have kids who reflect back to us our addiction to devices, and we have all sorts of worries about whether this is a healthy thing. Then we have the election of Donald Trump, which can be credited at least in small part to the proliferation of fake news and the destruction of old media. That’s led to unflattering attention being cast back on Facebook. We’re at a moment that’s ripe for a backlash.

BNR: Something like Amazon’s purchase of Whole Foods makes some people take notice that this company is getting bigger and bigger. But then Amazon immediately lowers Whole Foods’ prices, so again, many consumers will be okay with that.

FF: I experience this in my own life. My beef with these companies is often in the realm of the abstract. I can think intellectually about the problems of Amazon’s gigantism, but when it comes to getting a replacement lunch box for my daughter the next day, I’m going to do it through Amazon because it’s so easy and so cheap. Consumers are going to keep going with the big guys because the big guys have a lot to commend themselves for, especially when it comes to price and efficiency. But price and efficiency aren’t the whole ball game. We’re also citizens and human beings, and we need to start worrying about that part of us, too.

BNR: The things you say we should worry about include the disappearance of privacy, the increase in conformity, the development of AI, the ease of spreading misinformation. What worries you most about the tech giants?

FF: All of my worries kind of get bracketed together, which is that we’re merging with machines. That’s not something new in human history — we’ve been merging with machines for a very long time — but we’re merging with machines that filter reality for us and filter information for us. It’s just so much power to invest in the hands of these corporations that are fundamentally unaccountable. I feel like we’re making this big gamble about the future of humankind, that this merger with their machines is going to work out okay for us, without even pausing for a second to think about what we’re giving up.

BNR: Media companies are financially dependent on the tech companies, with depressing implications for the state of journalism. Can you describe your experience at the New Republic, which highlighted the perils of that relationship?

FF: When I was at the New Republic, we were owned by Chris Hughes, who was a co-founder of Facebook. At a certain point, he decided that we needed to increase our revenue pretty dramatically. There was no way to do that other than growing Web traffic, and there’s no way to grow Web traffic other than mastering Facebook. We were living this compressed version of recent media history, where in order to succeed we needed to do the things that Facebook rewarded, and so the values of Facebook ended up becoming the values of the New Republic. At first it happened in a really subtle way, but as we became more in tune with the data and what worked, it became fairly explicit in our internal discussions that we needed to repeat formulas that had worked before, we needed to embrace subjects that the herd mentality of social media was gravitating to. The question of dependence is really the crux of my book, what happens when you come to depend on a corporation.

BNR: Given that you were excited about Hughes initially, this great benefactor, what could have been an alternate path that you and he could have taken together for the New Republic? Or was it doomed from the start?

FF: I think we could have taken a different path where we were more modest in our expectations. If we kept our expenses on the relatively low side, if we tried to focus on doing a limited number of things well, I think that it was possible for us to have made very plausible incremental progress.

BNR: I guess that’s just not so sexy, right?

FF: “Plausible incremental progress” is the sexiest term in the English lexicon! What are you talking about?

BNR: As we’ve touched on, the relationship between journalism and technology played a part in the election. I laughed a rueful laugh at your line that “Trump began as Cecil the Lion, and then ended up president of the United States.” Can you elaborate?

FF: Cecil the Lion was this celebrity lion who had been killed by a hunter from Minnesota who posted a picture of himself lording over one of his kills on the Internet. This became a story that the Internet glommed on to. There were ultimately 3.2 million stories written about Cecil the Lion, and everybody tried to get in on the act. I felt like Donald Trump, and not just the orange mane that leads one to think about a lion, he too was a character that the media glommed on to because he was traffic gold, he was ratings gold. You had Donald Trump, you knew that people would click. So I think that the media was fairly irresponsible in giving Trump more airtime than he deserved.

BNR: You write that “like Donald Trump, Silicon Valley is part of the great American tradition of sham populism.” What are the similarities?

FF: These guys in Silicon Valley claim that they’re anti-elitist, that they’re liberating the soapbox from these coastal media elites and they’re giving it to individuals. That’s just a lie. Of course, it’s true that if you’re an individual you can post things on Facebook, but these companies are the most imposing gatekeepers in human history. The fact that their gatekeeping is often invisible or difficult to discern only enhances their power. At a certain point we have to call these guys out when they claim to be on the side of the powerless against the powerful because they are the powerful.

BNR: They’re on to something with elitism being unpopular; it’s become a slur. But you talk admirably about an old idea of gatekeeping and the difference between gatekeepers of the past and the way the tech companies have assumed that role today without admitting they’re gatekeepers.

FF: It’s very un-American to say nice things about elites. Elites are often terrible. It’s not like we’ve ever had a perfect set of benevolent democratic elites ruling over our country. But the fact of the matter is that a representative system of democracy delegates power to elites. When it comes to information, we need to delegate power to elites, because you or I can’t sit and read everything that’s published or follow every news story or pretend to be expert on every little thing happening in the world. So if people are going to have that kind of power to make choices for the rest of us, we should hope at least that they have admirable values and that they have some sort of sense of their own power.

If you look at the old generations of newspaper publishers, they were imperfect people. They sucked up to power, they apologized for wars. We can’t say that they had a great record. But they also had a sense of just how much authority they wielded in a democracy, and so they set certain rules for themselves: about how reporting needs to try to be objective, about how there should be ombudsmen at newspapers and letters-to-the-editor pages, and they should publish corrections when they get things wrong. There was a sense of obligation to the public. When I look at Facebook or Google, they profess no obligation to the public; they claim that their algorithms are scientific and they’re just aggregating opinion, as if giving the world some distillation of what’s most popular is going to be the thing that’s going to be most useful to people. There’s an inherent problem: [if] Facebook takes responsibility for what they publish, which would be in keeping with this old tradition of elites, they would also expose the scope of their power. We would understand exactly why these organizations, why Facebook and Google, are so much bigger, so much more powerful than anything that’s come before. And if we had a realization of their power, then we would start to have a totally different conversation that would probably culminate in some form of government regulation.

BNR: These companies also don’t tolerate criticism very well. I half expected this book not to be on Amazon.

FF: It’s there — I’m monitoring that number very, very carefully. No, you’re right. They seem to be pretty thin-skinned. That’s a dangerous combination, to wield an immense amount of power and to be intolerant of critics.

BNR: Another analogy between Donald Trump and the tech companies.

FF: That’s true.

BNR: You call for more government regulation of the Internet and for more of us to pay for journalism. Do you feel optimistic on either of these fronts?

FF: It’s hard to feel optimistic about anything having to do with the American government at the present moment, but if you look into the future, I am optimistic that there will be some governmental solution to these problems. That’s the way it seems to always go with vast concentrations of wealth and power: we tolerate them for a period, and then once the costs of those monopolies become clear, we swing into action. Once we have a backlash against their power and we have more appreciation for the smaller players in the game, I think that part of that cultural backlash will lead us to be more open to paying for information in media again.

BNR: I’m assuming based on the way you talk in the book about the backlash against processed food that paying for journalism would be similar to the way many are willing to pay more for good food now. How did that connection first occur to you?

FF: At the New Republic, we were trying to produce Facebook-friendly content. My mind drew the analogy that we were producing processed journalism. We were producing fast-food journalism. It was stuff that was supposed to make you feel good in the moment, and then it would pass right through you or it would make you mentally fat. It would have been something like trying to take this hundred-year-old intellectually minded magazine and find some way to produce something about Super Bowl ads that would go viral where I said to myself, I’m becoming something that I don’t like.

BNR: You explore the intellectual history of Silicon Valley, from Whole Earth Catalog creator Stewart Brand to Alan Turing and others. How did that history help you frame what’s going on today?

FF: What’s so striking is that these companies are idealistic. I think they’re genuinely idealistic at the same time that they’re genuinely profit-seeking. One of the great confluences in the history of Silicon Valley is that the San Francisco mid-peninsula was the place that nurtured both the counterculture and technology. And so the values of the counterculture and the values of the tech industry rubbed up against one another. That seems to be the source of their idealism. If you go back to the ’60s and ‘70s, you can see that tech was trying to re-create the commune but on this much larger scale and through the personal computer and through the Internet. The problem is that all these beautiful poetical ideas morph into something different when they’re captured by big firms. And so ideas like the network and social media are theoretically beautiful but problematic when they become vehicles for the biggest, most monopolistic corporations in recent memory.

BNR: Facebook’s mission statement is still about building community and bringing the world together.

FF: And in some ways they are building community. In some ways they are bringing the world closer together. But there’s a dark side to that too, which is that by bringing people together they’re also homogenizing the world, they’re also creating a dangerous new form of conformism. They’re acquiring power that can be exploited to affect opinions on a mass scale at a very low cost, as the Russians demonstrated with their use of fake news.

BNR: You talk about these companies scrambling our intellectual habits. When my family travels, my husband and I look at actual maps, and our kids just want to get around with Google Maps. Do you worry about future generations who won’t even realize what’s been lost?

FF: I’m personally not so fusty about losing maps, for instance. There are probably some abstract dangers to Google directing us to places. But they’re so abstract that I don’t find that especially troubling. I’m charmed by your artisanal use of maps.

BNR: Well, what’s lost when kids don’t ever have to read a map? It’s a skill and it requires a certain kind of literacy.

FF: All right, let me work with you a little bit here on this. You’re convincing me. When you’re staring at your phone to navigate and being led places, you do become less aware of your environment and the journey becomes kind of automated. There is an aliveness that comes with having to puzzle out directions for yourself. And you have to ask other people for help, which creates opportunity for social connection. I remember being in Venice and always getting lost and having interactions with a local Venetian or a German tourist or whatever. I do think those incidental moments of social interaction are important to us as human beings. Can I drop the maps for a second?

BNR: Yes.

FF: I worry that as we bury ourselves in machines and as we shop from our couches and we have all this abundance in our own homes, we cease to experience the world. My book is a defense of individualism and individuality, but a lot of what I worry about is lack of genuine social connection.

Photo of Franklin Foer by Evy Mages

 

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“No Pressure, Right?” Lenora Chu in Conversation with Michael Levy

While living in Shanghai, Chinese-American writer Lenora Chu enrolled her three-year-old son in a state-run public school. In Little Soldiers: An American Boy, a Chinese School, and the Global Race to Achieve, she shares her eye-opening insights about the strengths and weaknesses of both the Chinese and American educational systems in this thoughtful and witty book that asks readers to consider what “education” really means. The booksellers who read for our Discover Great New Writers program couldn’t put Little Soldiers down.

Michael Levy is an educator based in San Francisco and the author of a memoir, Kosher Chinese: Living, Teaching, and Eating with China’s Other Billion, which won the 2011 Discover Great New Writers Award for Nonfiction. —Miwa Messer, Director, Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers

Michael Levy: As a parent of two young children, I read your book with a lot of empathy. On the one hand, I hope to be able to give my kids a similar experience as Rainer . . . but the thought also terrifies me!

Lenora Chu: When we first moved to Shanghai from Los Angeles in 2010, I had very little idea of what to expect. Although my parents had emigrated from China, I was born and raised in America. Except for a college semester abroad in England, I’d never lived in a foreign country — much less tried to raise two young boys abroad. And, the day-to-day decisions I made would now affect two small human beings. It was terrifying at first.

ML: What was the most difficult part?

LC: We decided to enroll our oldest son in the local Chinese school system when he was three. Almost immediately, my cultural beliefs began to clash with those of my son’s teacher. But, how do you challenge someone who controls the daily fate of your son and who expects parents to obey as a matter of culture?

If you look at education from an academic perspective, the studies support bilingualism, grit, hard work in pursuit of achievement. Researchers have even come out and said learning two languages as a child makes you smarter. No pressure, right?

What’s missing from these grand statements is a nod toward how hard it is to actually try to reach these goals. Bilingualism is great in theory, but what does it mean for day-to-day life? Are we willing to sacrifice an hour a day drilling characters to acquire Mandarin literacy? Grit is great, but how do you get there? The Chinese are wonderful with discipline, but how much is too much? What happens when you start to lose trust in your teacher?

ML: What advice might you have for parents who are making a decision about taking their young ones abroad?

LC: Raising a family abroad can be challenging, but I feel great about the experiences we’ve been able to give our children. I’d recommend it to anyone with a sense of adventure and an open mind. Most important, I’d advise flexibility and empathy. I found myself daily in situations where old habits and customs didn’t fly, and they either got me in trouble or offended someone. Spend some time reading about the history, culture, and context of the place you’re moving to. And, make sure you befriend people who don’t look like you, who don’t speak the same language. That effort will pay off in spades!

ML: When I lived in Beijing, a lot of parents said some version of the following: the ideal educational path has kids in local schools in China until middle school (so they can learn proper Chinese, learn to be disciplined, learn to work tirelessly) and then international school or school in the U.S. after that (so they can learn to be creative and curious and learn to think freely). Did you hear anything similar in Shanghai?

LC: Yes! I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the right balance.

For those of us in the Chinese system fortunate enough to have choices — whether by passport or by resources — we like the discipline and early rigor of the Chinese way up through the end of primary school. My son packs his own bag for school, nods at the teacher with respect, and makes sure he’s never late for class. He was also doing triple-digit arithmetic at five. The Chinese begin instilling these habits early, and he’ll carry them for a lifetime.

On creativity and curiosity, you can never kill that in a child. Of course, the authoritarian Chinese classroom does a great job of discouraging their expression. We make sure our son is getting opportunities to explore outside of the classroom. Meanwhile, the Chinese are working hard at reforming these negative aspects of the system; the pace of change depends on the teacher and the school. For some parents, it’s not happening fast enough.

ML: What non-academic lessons did Rainey learn in school in Shanghai?  

LC: I observed something very interesting; my son has internalized the connection between effort and achievement. Work hard — and achieve. Slack off — and suffer the consequences. There’s no argument for innate talent or intelligence in Chinese academics, and as a result the Chinese don’t overly concern themselves with a child’s self-esteem.

I realized this when I observed how my son reacted to scores and rankings. In China, test scores and other performance measures are posted on classroom walls; when they’re not, rankings spread by the invisible scorecard of gossip. Sounds horrible to Western ears, right? Yet, to my surprise, my son didn’t internalize these scores in a negative way; when he did poorly he simply understood that he should work harder next time.

I love this. In America we tend to look at low scores and worry a kid will feel bad about himself; somehow we’ve come to believe that the kid just can’t do any better. We equate achievement with innate talent — some kids have it, others don’t.

ML: Of the many surprises in your book, those I appreciate the most are your observations on the effort Chinese educators are putting into making their system less stressful and more child-centered. I’m curious how parents at the school viewed these efforts. Do they approve of them, or do they worry that if their school becomes more progressive, their kids will fall behind in the sprint toward the gaokao?

LC: Parents in China, frankly, are stuck in an impossible situation. What good is play in kindergarten if your child needs to know double-digit division for a primary school entrance exam in twelve months? As much as principals and teachers try to lighten the load for students, the parents always complain: “The parents tell me, if you don’t teach my kid math, I’ll have to find an outside tutor,” says one Shanghai principal I interviewed.

The problem is those entrance exams. China’s government hasn’t yet fundamentally altered the way kids advance in schooling, and until that happens no one breathes easy. Society also suffers from an addiction to measuring worth through numbers and scores.

ML: A thought experiment: Imagine Rainer in twenty years. What will he say when he reflects upon this experience?

LC: He’s a gregarious, happy child, and I hope he’ll enjoy having his mom’s daily diary of his experiences as a young child! Ultimately, I think he’ll be well prepared for the future. To him, Chinese school isn’t necessarily an adventure or an experience — it’s simply life. He doesn’t know any different. I hope he’ll think it was a gift, a rare opportunity.

He’s fully bilingual, he navigates different cultures well, and he has Chinese, French, Spanish, and American friends at his birthday parties (who switch between languages seamlessly). His little microcosm reflects where the world is headed, and I’m glad he’s been able to get a taste of this.

ML: A friend of mine in China once said, “The fundamental purpose of American education is to train citizens. The fundamental purpose of the Chinese system is to sort.” Since these fundamental purposes differ, she thought the systems should not be compared. Do you see any wisdom in her thinking?

LC: The narrative of this book sprang organically from the fact that I had to make a decision about my son’s schooling, due to our circumstances of being Americans living in China. Did I want the Chinese way or the Western way? That meant weighing the pros and cons of one choice over another, to compare, so that I could make a decision.

On your friend’s remarks about sorting versus training citizens, I’m not sure one can categorize each system so succinctly. Education is messy and multi-purposed. The Chinese system is also very much about training citizens: I have a chapter about Chinese patriotic education; students are indoctrinated in China’s “five loves” — country, people, labor, scientific knowledge, and socialism — from primary school.

And, we Americans certainly like to think of ourselves as loads more egalitarian than the Chinese, but in fact education here is a sorting mechanism, too. Gifted and talented programs? Quality of schools by property tax haul? The college admissions process? That’s sorting.

I believe what your friend is cautioning against is the practice of testing students in dozens of countries and then ranking them based on their scores. Yes, these results and rankings have in some cases been twisted to draw conclusions that aren’t always helpful. On the flip side, it doesn’t mean that the British can’t learn something from the way the Chinese teach math, or that a Chinese teacher won’t benefit from observing a Montessori preschool in New York or California. The world is rapidly shrinking — we all have something to learn from one another. In fact, it’s imperative.

ML: Ultimately, what do you hope readers will take away from your book?

LC: When I set about trying to make decisions about my son’s schooling, parents and teachers would throw platitudes at me: “Oh, those Chinese kids work hard, but they have no creativity.” “There’s no freedom in the classroom anymore.” “I like rigor in math.”

Frankly, it was all meaningless. What does math rigor look like? How do you even define creativity? What freedoms? When I pressed further, I found most people couldn’t elaborate on their answers.

That why I started to dig deeper, to seek answers for myself by talking to everyone I could: parents, students, education experts, Chinese government officials. It took me a couple of months just to figure out the right questions.

I hope readers will come away with a better understanding of what’s happening globally in education, and the deeper meaning behind some of these hot-button topics. I also hope we’ll learn to have a bit more faith in our children — I did! They’re gritty and resilient, and capable of so much more than we give them credit for.

 

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5 Ways to Identify Toxic Friendship

You’re reading 5 Ways to Identify Toxic Friendship, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

When we talk about emotional abuse, most times we associate it with romantic relationships. We take advice on ways to identity if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and what to do about it. What we forget is that, even friendship can be emotionally abusive. Most emotionally abusive people have low self esteem, and therefore poke at your emotions to lower your esteem too and bring you down to their level.

This results to a toxic friendship; where your friend feeds you all the negative juice and you drink it up. As a result, you become emotionally bruised and drained. It’s hard to tell if a friendship is toxic, but once you are out of it, it feels like a breath of fresh air. You may need some time away from this person to detoxify.

Here is how to identify emotional abuse from a friend:

Pointing out your insecurities

We all have some insecurity that we are sensitive about. Though it may come out as a joke when a friend points some of them out, sometimes it is not so funny, especially if it is on issues on your weak areas. If your friend always comments about your weight, knowing you have weight issues, or your cellulite, your broken nose which you are really sensitive about, they may be using these features to bring you down. Try and note under which context such comments come up. There is a difference between an honest friend and one who is intentionally bringing you down.

Bad mouthing your other friends

This person always bad-mouths your other friends, so that all you see are their faults and choose to avoid them. Before you know it, you have cut off most of your friends and are totally dependent on this friend. This way, it seems as if it is the two of you against the world, while in reality, you are stuck with their friendship as you don’t have much of a choice.

Reminding you constantly of your past mistakes

We all have that one boyfriend we regret ever dating, or that one time you may have betrayed someone and felt really bad about it. Though some of these things are laughable today, some are best kept in the past. This is especially if you felt really bad about them and you have already forged a way forward into better decision making. If this friend keeps reminding you of that terrible ex-husband, and point out your poor decision making, it may make you relive the past which is best left there, in the past. Good friends commend your effort to make better choices and try to see the good in you, especially if you struggle with your past choices.

Playing victim at every circumstance

Reverse psychology is an old trick when one intends to take you on a guilt trip. This friend plays victim in each situation that you go through and makes you feel guilty over things that are not your fault. They take everything way too personal and make it look like your fault that things did not go your way. This is a form of manipulative behavior to coerce you to do things their way.

Help you so that you ‘owe’ them

A gift or some assistance may look innocent some times, thought other times it can be meant to hold you hostage. A toxic friend will always remind you of that time they helped you out so that you feel that you owe them. This ‘debt’ could run for years, or they will constantly jump to help so that you are more and more indebted to them. It is important to differentiate between someone helping you from the goodness of their heart and someone who intends to use their ‘help’ against you.


Sarah is a self improvement enthusiast. She is also a lover of life, food, coffee, books and travel (not necessarily in that order). Introvert. Lifelong student.

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Photographer Survives Deadly Snake Bite While Taking Colorful Serpent Portraits

Mark Laita - Pit Viper

Pit viper

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Photographer Mark Laita has a career that spans over 20 years, with his clean, graphic imagery used by clients such as Apple and BMW. Bringing these sensibilities to a different arena, his project Serpentine saw him photographing a wide variety of colorful snakes. Intrigued by their contorting bodies and colorful skins, the series is a natural evolution of his work, which has also seen him capture vibrant sea creatures.

For Serpentine, which is also a stunning photography book, Laita visited zoos, breeders, and private collectors across the United States and Central America. He selected his subjects based on the most compelling species, often trying to photograph the serpents just after they’d shed their skin and the colors were most vibrant.

Handlers assisted him in laying each snake on a piece of black velvet, which slowed these fast movers enough to grab the photographs. The dark background also allowed the eye to focus on the form, texture, and color of the species. “By putting it on a black background, it removes all of the variables. It makes it just about the snake,” shared Laita. “If it is a red snake in the shape of a figure eight, all you have is this red swipe of color.”

Of course, the project was not without great risk—many species captured are highly venomous. And though Laita didn’t start the project with a fear of snakes, he used to catch them as a kid growing up in the Midwest, one event surely made an impression on the photographer.

mark laita black mama bite

Black mamba biting the photographer.

While photographing a black mamba at a facility in Central America, the deadly snake struck. “It was a very docile snake,” he recalls. “It just happened to move close to my feet at some point. The handler brought his hook in to move the snake, and he inadvertently snagged the cord from my camera. That scared the snake, and then it struck where it was warm. That happened to be the artery in my calf.” Miraculously, though the blood soaked through his socks and shoes, he survived the bite.

Considering the black mamba’s venom is deadly and can potentially make a person collapse within 45 minutes, Laita is extremely lucky. In fact, he was so preoccupied with the shoot, he didn’t realize he’d been bitten until the handler told him. After 20 minutes of feeling ok, he decided not to seek medical attention—something herpetologists later told him was a big mistake because something could have happened even hours later. It was only the next day he realized he’d actually snapped a photograph of the bite as it occurred.

Laita still isn’t sure how he got so lucky—the black mamba didn’t have its venom glands removed. “It was either a ‘dry bite,’ which is rare, or I bled so heavily that the blood pushed the venom out,” he explained in a publicity interview. “All I know is I was unlucky to be bitten, lucky to have survived, and lucky again to have unknowingly snapped a photo of the actual bite!”

Mark Laita captures the vibrant beauty of snakes in his photography book Serpentine.

Mark Laita - Malaysian coral snake

Malaysian coral snake

Mark Laita - Rhinoceros viper

Rhinoceros viper

Mark Laita - Vogel's pit viper playing dead

Vogel’s pit viper playing dead

Mark Laita - Southern timber rattlesnake

Southern timber rattlesnake

Mark Laita - Mexican black king snake

Mexican black king snake

Mark Laita - Red tail boa

Red tail boa

Mark Laita - King cobra

King cobra

Mark Laita - Emerald tree boa with babies

Emerald tree boa with babies

Mark Laita - Speckled king snake

Speckled king snake

Mark Laita - Mussurana juvenile

Mussurana juvenile

Mark Laita - Inland taipan

Inland taipan

Mark Laita - Black Pakistan cobra

Black Pakistan cobra

Mark Laita - Mojave rattlesnake with babies

Mojave rattlesnake with babies

Mark Laita - King cobra

King cobra

Mark Laita: Website | FacebookInstagram 

My Modern Met granted permission to use photos by Mark Laita.

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NYC Cab Driver Spends 30 Years Photographing His Passengers

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

Self-Portrait with Passenger Allen Ginsberg, 1990. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

In 1980, aspiring photographer Ryan Weideman landed in New York City from California, looking to make a name for himself. But he soon found himself focused on more practical matters, like paying the rent. Thanks to his neighbor, who was a cab driver, he found himself riding along in the taxi one night, and by the next day, he’d found both a way to pay the bills and the perfect outlet for his creativity.

Over thirty years, Weideman would continue working as a cab driver part time, photographing his clients has a way to view the changing city in a new way. “After the first week of driving a taxi I could see the photographic potential,” shared Weideman. “So many interesting and unusual combinations of people getting into my cab.  Photographing seemed like the only thing to do.  The backseat image was constantly in a state of flux, thronged with interesting looking people that were exciting and inspired, creating their own unique atmosphere.”

Not wanting to waste time turning around to capture the action, Weideman found himself both as subject and photographer. Acting as a visual narrator in the scenes, his appearance speaks for the viewer who is also looking in, observing the lives of strangers. From 5 pm to 5 am on weekends, the interior of his cab became is his studio,  where Weideman studied the backseat scene intently, just waiting for the right time to pop the flash.

Sometimes he asked permission, sometimes the flash “accidentally” went off. Notable passengers include Allen Ginsberg—famed Beat Generation poet. The photo now belongs to the Brooklyn Museum. Other passengers simply made an impression, Weideman sharpening his skills to understand who was interesting—or not—over the years. And occasionally, he would spot a face on the street he remembered photographing.

He recalls seeing a voluptuous woman walking down the street who reminded him of Ruby Dudy Do. Running to catch up with her, he asked if she remembered being photographed in the back of a taxi, and to his delight, she did. “I told her to meet me on the corner of 9th and 43rd the next day and I would share my pictures of her.  She was thrilled, and so was I.  When I gave her some pictures, she thanked me, and as we parted.  I watched her show the photos to the passersby as she walked away.”

Street photographer Ryan Weideman spent decades as a part-time New York City cab driver, where his taxi became his photography studio.

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

Ruby Duby Do, 1982. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman - NYC Street Photography

8 Punk Rockers [with Ad-Rock from the Beastie Boys], 1982. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

In the Shadows, Lower East Side, 1992. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

You Put Me on Ecstasy When You Ride Next to Me, 1982. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

Self-Portrait with Transvestite, 1997. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman - NYC Street Photography

Odalisque in the Back of a Hack, 1982. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

Riding with Dream Lovers in Love, 1983. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

Self-Portrait with Cowboy, 1998. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

The Loneliness of The Front Seat, 1997.(Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman - NYC Street Photography

Beauty Aloof, 1982. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

Ryan Weideman nyc cab driver street photography

Mystery Couple, 1998. (Copyright Ryan Weideman, Courtesy Bruce Silverstein Gallery, New York)

My Modern Met granted permission to use photos by Bruce Silverstein Gallery.

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