It’s everyone’s nightmare.  Rush hour.  Inching along interminably as too many cars navigate too few lanes, with too many merging in and too few turning off.

Who would have imagined that King Solomon already anticipated the chaos of our highways when he declared, Go, sluggard, and learn from the ant?

As it turns out, ants are better drivers than we are.  And the lessons of their highway habits offer some valuable lessons that extend far beyond the way we drive.

According to NPR, Apoorva Nagar discovered the connection in a study by German and Indian researchers.  Apparently, traveling ants are able to maintain a constant speed regardless of the number of ants on the path.  In other words, even at rush hour, ant traffic carries on unimpeded.

Professor Nagar, a physicist at the Indian Institute of Space Science and Technology, suggests three reasons why ants don’t bottleneck as traffic flow increases.  First, ants don’t have egos.  They don’t need to be first, don’t need to show off, and don’t take it personally when another ant cuts in front of them.

Second, they don’t mind fender-benders.  Sure, a multi-ant pile will slow them down.  But a few minor bumps and scrapes have little impact on their progress.  Even with incidental bumping and knocking, the ants just keep on moving forward.  Needless to say, humans would never tolerate the most glancing or superficial collisions, even if the law permitted it.

And third, says Professor Nagar, ants get more disciplined as the crowd thickens:  they hold their speed steadier and make fewer twists and turns.  In contrast to human drivers who cut in and out while breaking and accelerating, ant discipline creates a road culture of greater predictability and, consequently, greater safety and consistency.

Granted that ant behavior may have limited practical application to human driving habits and traffic patterns, the observations offered by Professor Nagar suggest other benefits to improve the quality of daily life.

NO EGO

Have you ever watched someone else hopelessly caught up in his own ego-gratification?  Sometimes it’s the driver trapped behind a slow-moving car, desperately looking for a chance to break out and around.  And what happens when he gets his chance?  More often than not, you catch up to him stuck behind the next car or idling at the next stoplight.

Or what about the person who has to be the center of attention or the life of the party?  He thinks he’s the darling of the crowd, but the dismayed expressions among his captive audience frequently tell a different story.

When we stop worrying about where we rank compared to others and stop needing others to validate our existence, we become a lot more comfortable with where we are and end up making progress with far greater efficiency.

It’s actually pretty easy when we start asking ourselves the right questions:

• What do I gain by trying to be first?
• Are the people I’m trying to impress going to be impressed?
• Are the people who are going to be impressed worth impressing?
• Didn’t I read a story once about a tortoise and a hare?

IS IT WORTH IT?

We’ve heard it before:

Don’t sweat the small stuff.  And so much of it really is small stuff.

Sure, I enjoy the frequent fantasy of trading in my ‘98 Camry for a new… anything.  But until I do, I’ll never have to worry about the latest scratch, dent, or interior stain the way I would if I were driving a Mercedes… or even a new Subaru.

The truth is, the shinier our toys are, the more we notice when the shine starts to fade, and our mood fades just as quickly.  That’s only natural, since those scrapes and blemishes are all tied up with our first problem… ego.

That scuffed bumper is a reflection on me, isn’t it?  It reflects either my own driving or my slothfulness repairing damage inflicted on me by someone else.  Of course, it might reflect the sanity of my priorities, that I don’t want to take hours away from my family and friends and community and personal growth so that my car can be pristine (while waiting for the next minor accident to send me back to the repair shop).

And it’s not just our cars.  The human eye and mind seek out every imperfection on which to fixate, whether it’s a loose thread or a tilted picture, a sore toe or a pesky hangnail.  If anything is 99% perfect, that last one percent becomes all the more intolerable, invalidating everything that is as it should be.

Which is the perfect time for another list of questions:

• Overall, are things good or bad?
• By how much does the good outweigh the bad?
• Is it reasonable to let so little that’s not quite right cancel out so much that is?
• Is anything every perfect?

TIME TO PAY ATTENTION

As tension builds, we start looking for a way out.  Maybe what we should be looking for is a way in.  Like the ants who become more focused as traffic increases.

The truth is, stress and tension are products of our bodies preparing us to enter into survival mode.  When we respond by heightening our awareness of the challenges that face us and steeling ourselves to meet them, we can propel our productivity and success to unprecedented levels.  Not only do we manage the job at hand, but we increase our ability to overcome greater obstacles that lie ahead.

It’s a win-win.

But it demands that we reframe, that we stop looking at obstacles as impediments to progress and start seeing them as opportunities for development and self-improvement.  And that outlook starts with more questions:

• Why do we think no pain, no gain applies only at the gym?
• Haven’t our most satisfying moments come through struggle?
• If we can’t change where we are, isn’t changing how we deal with it is our only option?
• If I handle a difficult situation better, might others follow my example and help the situation improve on its own?

After all, what’s the point of an obstacle course?  We could traverse the course much faster without all those obstacles, no?  But then what would we have accomplished?

And isn’t life the greatest obstacle course of all?

Rabbi Yonason Goldson, a talmudic scholar and former hitchhiker, circumnavigator, and newspaper columnist, lives in St. Louis, MO, where he teaches, writes, and lectures.  His new book Proverbial Beauty:  Secrets for success and happiness from the wisdom of the ages is due out in July.  Visit him at http://ift.tt/1yTxW6j.

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We all want to be more efficient in order to make the most of our time. But how can we really accomplish more and stop wasting our efforts on insignificant tasks?  The answer to our productivity concerns can be solved with the use of a tool called crowdsourcing.

Crowdsourcing is the process of enlisting the help of a big crowd of people, usually on the internet, whose collective knowledge, resources, and skills can help to come up with diverse and expert solutions to your problems. This way you can focus your energies on your top priority tasks while still using your crowd to figure out solutions to other problems as well.

You can ask for help and advice from your own crowd of friends and followers on Facebook and Twitter or engage with other kinds of crowdsourcing platforms. Wikipedia is one of the most well-known  of these crowdsourcing efforts.

However, many of us may not know how to crowdsource to its full benefit. In order to get the most out of this process, I’d like to offer a list of 10 tips for crowdsourcing effectively:

1. Search before asking – Very often someone is experiencing the same challenge that you are. Before asking for help, use special Q&A platforms to search for solutions. My personal favorite is quora.com.
2. Be specific – When you ask for help, make sure you give specific details about your challenge.
3. Do not influence. Do not direct people to a specific solution. Make sure you allow enough room for their creativity so they can offer a wide range of potential solutions.
4. Be brief. Make sure you keep your questions short and to the point. People need to understand very quickly what you are asking for.
5. Tell a story. The only exception for keeping your explanations brief is if you have an interesting story to share. An interesting story engages people while explaining why you are asking for their help.
6. Interact – Whenever people come to you with ideas and suggestions, make sure you thank them and engage back. When people see that you are part of the conversation, they have more reasons to respond.
7. Give value – Don’t just ask for help. Give value to the crowd and do that over and over again. Whenever others see that you give value, they will be motivated to help you.
8. Pay the crowd – Websites such as fiverr.com allow you to pay $5 for simple tasks. Enlisting the help of someone with experience can save you a lot of time for a small amount of money.
9. Use WhatsApp – Whenever you need help, WhatsApp is a great way to privately ask for help from close friends.
10. User special crowdsourcing platforms – There are dozens of crowdsourcing platforms that can help you out in specific areas such as design, health, finance and more. For a complete list of crowdsourcing platforms visit http://ift.tt/1K5GQyx

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1) You have traveled to some different parts of the world

Because traveling brings you out of your comfort zone and expands your horizon. You absorb different cultures and that allows you to be grateful with what you have at home, or not, by which then you can make the necessary changes in your life.

2) You have passion

Passion is what lights your life on fire. It electrifies your soul. It gives you a certain identity other people know you by. It is the awesome feeling you get that separates what you love from the rest of the world. Find passion and let it seep into your everyday life. You’ll be happy. It’s as simple as that.

3) You’ve struggled considerably before

The challenges and obstacles you faced that made you think you weren’t strong enough to overcome? You were indeed strong enough. You learnt how capable you really are and that strength is what gives you confidence, hence happiness.

4) You don’t lie to yourself and escape all the time

Henceforth, you deal with the problem head on. You don’t try to escape by taking an easier route. You ask yourself the honest questions.

That is why people who drink or indulge in their vices are unhappy. They’re only always dealing with a hangover.

5) You’re surrounded by good and positive people

Sometimes your happiness is highly based on your environment. Surround yourself with negative or even annoying people, you’ll end up negative and annoyed yourself. Surround yourself with good people who want the best out of you, you’ll be constantly inspired.

6) You realize you don’t need to put up with others’ crap

And by extending the idea of surrounding yourself with positive people, you let go negative influences and dump toxic people. You don’t need to put up with people’s crap. You are in full control of who you want to be with.

7) You’re always on learning-mode

The thirst for knowledge and hunger to learn pushes your brain to take up new things and that’s automatically ensuring you aren’t dulling your life. Simply put, wanting to learn means having curiosity and that’s way better than sitting around bored as you’re always trying new things.

Why do you think people who are constantly surfing social media are bored despite actually doing something?

8) You don’t chase money

You know money is important because you need to survive. But you recognize the bottom line which is that it’s your choice to chase money or not.

9) You make time for family

Because it’s family.

Family is dysfunctional? Make time for your old friends then.

10) You choose gratitude, no matter what

Despite what life throws at you, you remember that there’re many things in life to be grateful for. You’ll be surprised how lucky you are and that tons of people want to be in your shoes.

11) You’ve been through a breakup

Breakups hurt, but eventually, you’ll be fine. Breakups show that you’re capable of love; that you don’t have to be alone. At the same time, breakups allow you to know the kind of person you want to be with and so you become wary of the kind of people you meet next time.

12) You help other people

Because sometimes, the only way to solve your worries is to simply help others.

13) You recognize that you’re not your job

Most people have to work to survive and the majority don’t love what they do. The difference between the happy ones and those who drag themselves to work is that they know that they are not their job. They work and leave everything at the office when they go home.

They know that their salary, position and status do not identify them. The let passion, talent, special memories and their own life identify them.

14) You’re not always in a rush

Way too many of us want to make good time today. We want to get work done, leave work on time and make sure we catch the train on time. As a result, we don’t even know we’re breathing harder, cluttering our mind with deadlines, walking to fast and generally adding stress to ourselves!

Slow down. Relax. Go meditate. There’s plenty of time.

15) You stop caring about what others think

The words and thoughts of others’ should not have an effect on you. They technically don’t exist because what you think of yourself and what you want to do are all that truly matters.

16) You can always look back with no regret

You’d want to live a life so that you can look back and hold on tightly to your experiences and memories. These memories will never lie to you. So keep doing what you want and leave your mark!

17) You know it’s never too late

But what if you feel like you’ve never done enough?

It’s okay.

It’s not too late.

You’re growing older as time passes by, but it’s okay. Age doesn’t matter.

You’re in full control of the time you have.

Keep on keeping on you.

Special bonus for Pick The Brain Readers!

I hope you enjoyed the article! Need help leaving your mark all around the world?

Then you’re going to want my book. It’s free! Here it is:

12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**K About!

Time to shed the crap in life and start being happy! This free book is only available through this link to Alden Tan.

Alden Tan keeps it real at his blog and writes about motivation in unconventional ways. His two main passions are Bboying and writing. Check out his free report, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!

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We could all use a little more luck in our lives. On the surface, it seems like wishful thinking to imagine there’s anything we could do to enhance that. But most of us—the overscheduled masses—have engineered it out of our lives, and there are steps we can take to fix that. “Just look at your calendar,” John Hagel of Deloitte’s Center for the Edge told me during an interview. “How tightly scheduled are you? Have you got a breakfast meeting, meetings all day, then late night meetings? There’s not much chance for serendipity there unless a fire alarm goes off and you have to head into the street. Create spaces where you’re wandering around and exposing yourself to new people.”

What does it look like to make time for luck in your life? As I recount in my new book Stand Out, venture capitalist Anthony Tjan, who conducted an extensive survey of entrepreneurs, told me that “luck is often mislabeled in business.” It’s not so much that people are lucky, but that they’re interested in other people and aren’t rushing along to the next, better thing. As Tjan notes, “Lucky people have an openness, an authenticity, and a generosity toward embracing people—without overthinking ‘what’s the value exchange?’ It’s just, that’s an interesting person. It might be someone working in a restaurant, someone in an unrelated industry, or a taxi driver, and ten years later when that person becomes somehow critical, people say, that’s so lucky—they happened to meet someone in college, or they were on the same boat with them.”

When we’re too deliberate and focused on building our network, we often get tunnel vision. “There are plenty of times when you’re going to conferences or cocktail parties, and you’re thinking about where there’s a fit [in making a connection],” says Tjan. “You’re trying to quickly assess and screen value, and we all fall prey to that.” Unfortunately, that means you may overlook anyone who deviates from the stereotype of what a great leader or rising professional “should” look like. You may miss the shy entrepreneur hiding in the corner, or the guy wearing nerdy clothes who turns out to be an influential blogger.

People who self-identify as “lucky”—and are therefore perhaps a little more laid-back and open to chance—“are the ones who discover the wallflowers,” says Tjan, “and they benefit disproportionately later in life from some of those relationships.” While it’s critical to work hard and make your own opportunities, it pays to recognize that we don’t have to control everything in life. Leave room in your schedule for the unexpected—the colleague popping by your office with an interesting idea, or the chance to take a surprise call from an old friend you haven’t spoken with in ages. If you’re too Type A to even know where to begin, you can follow the lead of one self-described “lucky” person interviewed by psychologist Richard Wiseman, who revealed that in order to force himself to diversify the types of people he talked to, he would attend an event and approach only people wearing a particular color. If your network is too heavy with fellow marketers, or thirty-something tech guys, or mom entrepreneurs, make it a point to attend events that attract a wide cross-section—and avoid clustering in homogeneous groups by using the “colored shirt” strategy.

It’s possible to bring more serendipity into your life, if you avoid overscheduling and leave room during the day for the unexpected. By seeking out people you wouldn’t normally come across and inviting unusual connections, you can develop relationships that pay dividends you can’t even imagine.

Dorie Clark is a marketing strategist and professional speaker who teaches at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business. She is the author of Reinventing You and Stand Out. You can receive her free Stand Out Self-Assessment Workbook and follow her on Twitter.

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Through high school and the first years of college I always had problems sticking to habits and getting things done.

I can still remember sleeping in and postponing or canceling all the stuff I knew in my heart I needed to do to accomplish my goals.

During one year at university I procrastinated so badly on my reading, instead prioritizing sitting inside and playing Football Manager most of the days.

When exams came around I knew I had no chance of passing them and therefore had no point showing up. I even went as far as lying to my flatmate and telling that I was going to school to take my exams but ended up staying in a group room at Uni the whole day and reading news instead. Not showing up and flunking those exams cost me around 10 000 $.

I was ashamed of my lack of willpower and for my lack of purpose in life.

I knew that I could do better and I was getting increasingly more worried that I was going to continue down this path of self destruction.

No purpose, no will power, and a constant fear of giving up on my dreams and instead getting a job I did not want to have.

One of the main culprits for those years with failures and not accomplishing a damn thing was how I started each day.

I started my days with reaction instead of action and my habits led me to choose the lazy and wrong way of living every morning when the alarm started to buzz.

Fast forward a couple of years and my life is way different. I can accomplish a lot more during a day of work and I have habits that keeps the old procrastinator in me at bay.

It is something special about the quiet mornings and the potential it has to set the stage for the rest of the day. If you start each day with action and purpose you build a momentum that can keep you going and make you more effective at work. And because of that it also frees up more time for hobbies, family and friends after work. By starting small in the mornings, and preferably with something you enjoy doing, you set the tone for the day.

Here is what Leo Babauta says about morning routines:

“Having these routines can supercharge your day while simultaneously creating a sense of calm and sanity in your life.”

Building momentum by starting with small actions is a great way to start the day on the right foot. Shawn Achor has written quite a bit about that in his excellent book The Happiness Advantage.

Choose one habit that you want to focus on the next two weeks and make it a part of your mornings. You will probably be more successful sticking to your habit if you focus on incorporating one at a time.

I advice you to focus on something that will strengthen your mind, body or spirit.

Examples of this can be:

• Meditation and focus on deep breathing for 10-15 minutes. (check out the app Headspace)
• Journaling. With a special focus on writing down 3 events or persons that you are grateful for each morning. To really think about how fortunate your actually are, appreciating the small things in life, and writing them down has a special effect.
• Visualization. This one is really simple but can have an profound effect on your mentality. Sit down and think of yourself accomplishing what you want to do. Maybe those goals you have deep within you. Imagine yourself starting a side business, or doing a great job and getting recognition for it, or becoming the best boyfriend you can be.
• Do something physical. Go for a morning walk while calling a friend or just enjoying the sounds of nature. Or you can do some mobility drills to start off the day to decrease some pain you have in your body.
• Do 15-30 minutes of reading. This can be something spiritual like Bruce Lee or Tao Te Ching or something within your interests.

When you have ingrained one of these habits into your morning for two weeks straight you start another one while still keeping the first one intact. Experiment with some and choose the ones that will get you motivated for jumping out of bed with passion.

If you have time constraints you got to make the best out of it. If you got kids you can focus on one or two habits to stick to in the mornings before it gets too hectic. Do one more habit at work, for example some easy mobility while standing.

Another important thing to do is to set off 15 minutes to think and plan. Just sit down in silence and plan your day and what you want to accomplish in the near future. This can be done in the morning before your kids or girlfriend wakes up or you can go to work 20 minutes before the rest of your colleagues and do it there. Planning is really important before execution in all facets of life so don´t undermine it.

At the end of this time you can write up your 3 most important tasks to do that day on 3 post-it notes. Just remember to not make them too big. It should be realistic to get them done by the end of the day. As you finish one important task, you can throw that post-it note in the bin. This is a simple system instead of making an highly advanced spreadsheet for your to-do list.

My own morning routine takes me about 45 minutes to finish and it can be done faster if I need to. But the big thing is that I made it all a habit and I do it almost on auto-pilot. As humans we can get fatigued by decisions. Making every morning a habit and not having to consider what clothes to wear, what you are going to do next and so on makes it easier to make good decisions later on in the day at work and at home.

What are you struggling the most with in the mornings and what are your action steps for fixing that, starting off tomorrow morning?

Bio: Magnus Maråk is a former teacher who is helping people to get more done in less time and live a healthy and rich life. You can sign up for his free newsletter here 

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You know the feeling you get when the ringing alarm jolts you out of your precious Monday morning sleep? The feeling that there is no point to getting out of bed because this week is just going to be like last week. And the week before that. And the one before that.

Aren’t you frustrated with waking up in the morning and wishing the whole day could go by in a blink? Aren’t you tired of yearning to get to the weekend so you may breathe a little?

The worst part is, you don’t even remember when your job turned into selling your soul in exchange for a paycheck.

Deep down, you know you are meant to do something more with your life. Something more meaningful, more enjoyable. But you don’t know where to begin. Maybe you don’t even believe it’s possible to find work that lights you up anymore.

But there is hope yet. Here are three ways to discover your inner values and let them guide you on the path to what you are truly meant to do.

1. Let your frustration guide you

You feel frustrated with your work because the reality doesn’t match up to your expectations. You expected your boss to be a kind, benevolent mentor. Instead, he is always taking credit for others’ hard work. You felt you deserved to get a 15% raise last year. But you only got 3%. You felt like you would be changing the world. Yet here you are, attending pointless meetings all day and scrolling through your Facebook feed just so you can make it to the end of the day.

This frustration and hopelessness has become endemic in today’s work culture. Most people have accepted this as the new normal and continue on with their lives.

But if you really want to find work you love, you have to start from the very core of who you are as a person. And your frustration can help you discover that core.

For example, if you feel you are underpaid, perhaps you value financial stability above other things. Your best decisions and actions stem from a sense of knowing you are financially secure. Or, if you feel you are just a glorified paper pusher, perhaps your primary value is meaningful work. You will do your best work and be most content when you feel like you are making a real difference in the world.

Pick the top three frustrations you have with your work and write down what you feel is the underlying, unfulfilled value. Once you recognize your deepest values, you will be one step closer to doing work that lights you up.

2. Let the past illuminate your way

Your best teacher will be your own experience. You can learn tips and strategies for whatever work you choose. But whether that work fulfills you is a question only your experience can answer.

That is why you must learn from your past experience. Here are a few questions to help you dig into your past to discover what kind work might light you up.

• What personal project did you start on the side that you really enjoyed, but had to abandon because you got too busy?
• What hobby do you still indulge in when you have free time?
• What do you love helping out your friends and co-workers with?
• What part of your work is never like work and you always look forward to doing it?

Dig deep and you should have a list of activities that you really enjoy doing – that leave you feeling more energized.

For example, if you enjoyed writing poetry (but have neglected it for lack of time), you might value creative output. If you started learning to code on the side (but had to abandon it when an urgent project came up at work), you might value learning and problem solving.

Make a list of activities you’ve enjoyed in the past, and write down what values they might have been fulfilling. These values will be your guide to taking pleasure in future opportunities. If a new project helps fulfill one or more of these values, you are sure to enjoy it.

3. Help others find and do work that lights them up

It is frustrating when you can’t work at something that is true to who you are, and see your values fulfilled. The same is true of people all around you. If you can help others find work that fulfills their values, it will be the most meaningful thing you can do. Helping other people wake up excited about their day will help you wake up excited about your day.

For example, if you value creative work and you enjoy writing poetry, can you find a way to help poets or poetry enthusiasts? You don’t necessarily have to write poetry yourself; just to find a way to contribute in the field of poetry. You could help put together a poetry convention, or organize a poets’ meeting. Of course, writing yourself will give you credibility in the field. But the most important part of doing work that lights you up is helping others find work that lights them up.

Finding the motivation to start doing work that lights you up

I used to go drinking with my buddies and we’d sit around with our beers, talking about how our bosses made our lives miserable. We’d make tall claims about what we would do when we quit our jobs. Then, we would go back to work on Monday, impatiently waiting for the next weekend.

Now, I don’t go drinking anymore. But my buddies still do, and they still sit around discussing the same things.

Me? I’m sitting here writing this post for you on a Friday evening. Because this is what I’ve found that I love doing.

I haven’t written any bestsellers yet. Nor do I make money from my writing. I write because I love it. My only reward is the privilege of doing something I love.

Once you have found what you love doing, that’s the only motivation you need.

You will always have that group of friends who want you to go drinking with them. Or the well- wishers who advise you to keep your head down and carry on because that’s the way it is for everybody. But you know yourself better than that. You know you’ll never rest easy unless you find meaningful and enjoyable work, that makes you feel you are making a difference in the world.

I believe you will find work that lights you up, because you know you deserve it. All you have to do is start. As the saying goes,

The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time is now.

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Debashish Das wants to help people find freedom from their soul crushing 9  to 5 jobs, because he understands the pain of being stuck in a job he can’t escape. His blog aims to inspire people to find their passion and start living life on their own terms. And to help them get started on this journey he has written an ebook (click on the following link to get it for free), How To Quit Your Soul Sucking Job And Make A Living Without It.

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“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936).

Don’t Panic!

That’s what you tell yourself when you’re approaching the front door to a dreaded party.

Sure, you look calm on the outside, but on the inside you’re full of  questions: “What am I going to say?” or “What if I don’t know anybody?”

If placed  in a crowd of unfamiliar people, you seize up and over-eat.

You spend your time on hobbies like films, stargazing, and reading. You probably find them fun and interesting, but they all have one thing in common: You do them all by yourself.

They’re solo efforts. No social engagement whatsoever, unless you trip over somebody.

I confess I’m shy too. I feel uneasy and nervous with unfamiliar people and situations.

This uneasiness stokes the fear about what others think about me when in fact, nobody is thinking about me at all.

It’s Time to End the Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Fearing what people think will seize you up and silence you. People will find it difficult to interact  with you.

This magnifies your shyness and the whole thing gets worse until it sucks.

Let’s make a decision to end this right now.

Like every journey, we need to start with a first step: an action plan.

Oh no, not an action plan!

I’m afraid so, but the easy part is already done for you, here below.

The 15 actions don’t have to be implemented all at once.

This isn’t a checklist to memorise before you run out into the world.

However, start applying them and you will become less shy, more confident and panic-free.

Let’s conquer these feelings once and for all.

How to Calm the Mind and Beat the Nerves

1. Dump your image – The very first thing you need to do (after not panicking) is to stop affirming your shyness. Stop telling yourself that you are shy or that you find gatherings awful.

If we keep telling ourselves we are this or that, we will never overcome our feeling of fear or insecurity. And feelings can be overcome.

Forget you have ever been shy.

2. Talk to yourself – Now this is not something to do in public, even in this age of hands-free phone calls.

Before entering a situation where you will talk to strangers, practice meditating on positive words.

When falling asleep or during other quiet moments, recite something positive, like “I am whole, perfect, strong and powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.”

This omits the word “shy” and helps to reinforce positive feelings of self. Remember, you are great!

3. Forget about visualisation – Contrary to popular advice, don’t visualise yourself in the situation. Keep that for job interviews.

It’s simply exhausting to picture various scenarios, discussions or people. Whether it be a social setting or a meeting at work, no conversation can ever be pre-imagined, so don’t try.

Experience life in the present moment and react to people and conversations in real time.

4. Prepare for every encounter – Keep a few conversation starters up your sleeve.

You don’t want your mind to go blank, so to avoid struggling on the spot, have a few general questions ready to pop.

Avoid controversial topics and ask about hobbies, holidays or work.

Speaking of work, if you’re going to a meeting and want to ensure that your voice is heard, prepare well and read any material associated with the agenda. Jot down your key thoughts.

5. Don’t fight your feelings –  Accept your nervousness. The more you try to resist or eliminate it, the stronger it becomes.

So accept that you will feel nervous, but that it will pass. Now you have immediately changed your relationship with your feelings.

Your nerves will diminish because you no longer fear or fight them.

How to Involve Others Even When You Don’t Want To

6. Feel for other people – Feelings of shyness or lack of self-confidence creates a focus on ourselves.

We place ourselves in the spotlight. How do I look? What do they think of me? What should I say?

Turn that spotlight around onto the people with whom you are chatting. Where are they from? Do they have any holidays planned? Are they enjoying the food? Be genuinely interested in others.

You can learn to feel for other people simply by listening to what concerns them.

7. Partner up – Occasions are less daunting when you have a friend by your side.

If you’ve been invited to an event, ask if you can bring a friend. If you’re attending a training event for work, ask another colleague to accompany you.

This will not make you immune from nerves, but having a companion will help you to settle in. Just don’t cling to him all the time.

8. Forget about trying to make friends – Don’t create a “To Do” list in your mind.

Forget about trying to make a good first impression. Forget about trying to keep a conversation going ad infinitum. 

These things will come more naturally when you stop trying. Forget that you don’t know the people around you. Be assured that many others feel the same as you do.

9. Remember names – You will build a good rapport with people if you remember and use their name.

This can be a weakness for many people. If you need to, recite a new name over and over until it sinks in.

People respond to the sound of their own name and, when you use it often, they are more likely to remember yours too.

10. Mix and Mingle – Remember that no matter how nice some people are, never cling to the same few. You’ve got to mingle.

Conversations can be a bit hit and miss, so if you’re moving around in a crowd, at least you’ll not be forced to come up with question after question.

Instead, you’ll be able to repeat things without worry. Besides, it’ll be fun getting to know what makes so many people tick.

11. Practice – Nothing beats familiarity.

If you keep avoiding situations, you’ll never get the experience you need to feel comfortable and have relaxed conversations.

Bite the bullet and take the next opportunity that comes along. Once you start, it will get easier.

How to Look and Feel Like You Could Talk to Anyone

12. Watch your body language – It’s not just what you say. The non-verbal signals you emit can affect how others perceive you, a well as how you feel.

Facial expressions, bodily posture, gestures, eye movement, touch, and proximity to other people all convey messages.

Keep it simple and think “hands.” Keep them out of your pockets; don’t fold arms or fidget. These all give off unwelcoming signals. And of course, don’t forget to smile.

13. Dress up – How you feel can be affected by how you dress.

At work, depending on the environment, dressing smartly can convey confidence. Even if you don’t feel it on the inside, if you appear ready to talk business, it will help win your coworkers’ acceptance.

In social situations, dressing comfortably will help put you at ease. Nothing is worse than striking up a new conversation while being conscious of that uncomfortable dress or shirt.

14. Breathe – Nervousness can make our breathing shallow. Be conscious of your breath.

Breathe deeply, but not so much that people notice. Breathing can relax you and help reduce tension in the shoulders.

15. Notice the absence of physical pain – Remember whatever the circumstances, social interaction will not cause physical pain.

Shyness is a purely mental condition and one that can be dissolved if you think differently.

Think highly of yourself, be aware that others probably feel the same way, but above all, be conscious of how you are beginning to relax using these steps, and enjoy yourself.

…and Finally

The truth is most things in life require effort, and shyness will not simply vanish unless we do something about it.

If we let it get the better of us,  we’ll limit friendships, enjoy fewer social occasions and stifle career opportunities through perceived lack of confidence. It doesn’t have to be like that.

Shyness is not you.

Decide today to let your true self shine. You are a valuable person. Enjoy yourself, meet new people and relax.

Author Bio:

Alan Marsden presents simple and effective tips on achieving confidence, health and happiness. Join Alan on the journey of discovery at mindbodyandtech.com

The post 15 Tips Anyone Can Use to Conquer Shyness appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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The word happiness is defined in most cases as a feeling of contentment, or as a feeling ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happiness is an innate desire of the human being, and indeed it is our birthright. The universe in which we live is arranged to provide for our happiness through the dynamics of the law of attraction. That is, we draw to us that which we place our intent upon. If we focus on people, activities, even things that we love, or positive outcomes that we desire, we will draw them to us because our thoughts are a form of energy that act upon the workings of the universe.

This seems simple enough, right? Why is it then, that so many of us are unhappy, discontent, even depressed? Because ego gets in the way. That voice in your head, that one that talks incessantly, the one you listen to because you think it’s actually your voice, is actually the voice of your ego. It is the voice of fear. Ego hijacks your life by creating fears of every kind.

Allowing ourselves to be motivated, manipulated even, by those fears is what causes us to stray from the path of our purpose. That is, when we listen to the ego voice as if it is our own we remain unaware of our power and lose track of our purpose. We begin to focus on what we don’t want, what we don’t like. The ego has, at that point, succeeded in side tracking our happiness.

The ego is crafty and insidious. What follows is only five of the tactics ego uses to sabotage us:

#1 Guilt is incredibly effective at paralyzing our forward momentum. The ego knows this. It knows just what to say to us to stir up our guilt. The triggers are different for each of us, but no matter because ego knows our subconscious better than we do; it knows our past history, it knows everything. So be watchful, listen carefully. When you get the impulse to make a change, to do something that you’ve never done before, or something that you used to do that brought you joy, listen to what comes up in response to that impulse. If it’s negative it’s more than likely your ego talking.

#2 Insecurity – we all have more than enough of it and ego not only creates it, but uses it against us. For example, I’d like to take a yoga class. Ego says, you’re overweight and not only that but you’re too old. I have a choice. I can listen to that silly, mean voice, or I can tell it to leave me alone. When the impulse comes to you to pursue an interest, and is accompanied by a pleasant sensation and a compelling energy, you must follow it no matter what that ego voice tells you, because it’s the universe talking to you, assisting you to your path and your purpose and thus, happiness.

#3 Self-Deprecation is the handmaiden to insecurity. Many people use self-deprecating humor in an attempt to hide their insecurities. Self-deprecating comments are one of the ego’s mainstays for keeping us small and we listen to them all day long. They start when we look in the mirror in the morning and continue all the livelong day. Even when we try to not engage, we still do. For example, one of my goals for the day is to be more aware of negative thoughts towards myself. At the end of the day what do I hear myself saying? You have such a short attention span you can’t even remember to listen to yourself! Oops. I could remind myself with compassion, instead. You were so busy that you forgot to listen for the ego voice today.

#4 Anger takes us away from ourselves. It balls up our energy and hurls it at another in a defensive response that is most often intended as a form of protection. Or, those of us who avoid conflict stuff that ball of energy deep down where it sours and burns us from the inside. Our ego creates our fear of losing, our need to protect. It is sometimes difficult to identify the fear underneath the anger, but frequently the issue at stake is power itself, or said another way, control. When confronted by the anger of another allowing that person some control will diffuse the anger. On the other hand, when you feel anger flare up inside, you must ask yourself what you are fearful of losing. Anger is just another mask that ego wears to usurp your power and your happiness.

#5 Judgment of others presupposes separatism and disallows the belief of connectedness and oneness. It is an ego-based response and is always born of fear. Engaging in the act of judging others – their beliefs, behaviors, lifestyles, clothing, how they earn their money, or don’t earn it, or how they spend it – keeps us from our own lives. It distracts us from focusing on the intent of staying on our path and our purpose.

Happiness can’t co-exist with fear. In order to create more happiness in your life you must learn to identify the voice of ego and its manipulations. Ego has a lot at stake, which is why it is so determined to keep us off-balance. If in fact we become aware of our power, accept the connectedness of all life, learn to live with self-compassion and compassion for each other; if we trust the Mystery, however we choose to name it, to reveal to us our path and our true purpose for being here in this life; if we were to divest ourselves of ego – well, it would cease to exist.

Elizabeth Lehl lives in Vancouver, WA. She is the author of Journey From Ego, The Path To Healing. She can be found online at her blogs, http://ift.tt/1G6xpNM and http://ift.tt/1G6xotq, on Facebook at http://ift.tt/1G6xots and via email at author.elizlehl@gmail.com. Her book is available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Balboa Press.

The post 5 Ways Ego Interferes With Your Happiness appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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