Addiction comes in many forms, not just chemicals and alcohol but we can also become addicted to people too. This may sound ridiculous to some but unfortunately, it’s a sad and real truth. Co dependency is a very serious and toxic behaviour but if you know someone who shows signs of this, understand that they may not be aware of their addiction or they are and feel that can’t help themselves.

Contrary to what we all think, not all addictions are bad.  Being addicted to the smell of fresh brewing coffee or flowers is a fun and wonderful addiction. However, keep in mind that the majority of addictions definitely are toxic, and being addicted to your partner is no different or less toxic. It is still an addiction that should be and can be helped. So how can we tell if we or someone close to us is addicted their partners? Here are a few signs; see if you recognize any of them.

1. Separation anxiety.

If they have to go out of town for a day, weekend or heaven forbid longer than a week and you feel a very sickening feeling of anxiety, you could be addicted to your partner. Many of us don’t like to be away from our partners, obviously because we love them and we would miss them but when the feeling is much more than that and it borderlines on physical illness, then something is not right. Could be you are addicted and the feeling of not being around them causes great separation anxiety.

2. Joined at the hip.

You need to be with them every minute and every hour of the day when they are at home.  There is a sense of security for you knowing that they are right there beside you. It’s almost like a blanket for you. A comfort blanket. But it’s more than that. You need to have that blanket around you all the time.  You feel lost, empty and naked without it.

3. You start picking up all their habits and traits.

I get that it’s pretty common to pick up some of your partner’s traits and habits the longer we have been with them, but there is a fine line between picking them up without even realizing it and picking them up because you want to be like them. You may adore them and the ground they walk on but being like them or wanting to desperately be like them is not a healthy thing. Be like you instead. No body does it better.

4. Spend money on them to keep them around.

Yes, you are buying their love. Many people do this. actually so many people that it’s more common than not. When we start spending all our money on them to keep them around, you are now paying for an addiction, for love, for company. If someone wants to be with you, you shouldn’t have to be paying for their attention or love. For some, doing this is their attempt at buying companionship so they aren’t alone.

5. Constantly seeking approval from them.

You need their approval for everything. Suddenly it seems you can’t make a decision without their approval or their final say. You have slipped into a zone where your self confidence has plummeted to an all time low and need constant approval and reassurance from your partner for everything. You lack enough confidence in yourself and feel that if you have their approval for everything that they will love you more, respect you more or want to be with you more. All of that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

6. You’ll do anything to keep them.

Anything. Lie, cheat, borrow, beg, steal, pay, whatever. You are so fearful of losing them that you will even jeopardize your values, integrity and self worth to keep them. It’s that whole being alone is a scary thing that has you doing just about anything so as to not be alone. Too often, many of us do this, just about anything, to keep a partner. That is partner addiction and not a good one at all.

Being addicted to your partner is never a good thing. so many of us lack self worth so we seek it in others. You must find it and grow it in yourself first.  Having someone to love and love us back is a beautiful thing but not at the expense of your self. Take the time necessary to find out who you are and love yourself first. The rest will fall into place nicely.

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We try to treat ourselves as best we can. Some of us do anyway. Some of us treat animals better than we treat ourselves. We often forget our own self worth. We don’t take the time to do nice things for ourselves or we don’t give ourselves enough credit for the great person that we are. Whatever the case, there are certain things we definitely need to stop doing to ourselves so we can be happier.

Many of us don’t even realize we are sabotaging ourselves as we have been doing this for so long, it’s almost normal now. Well it’s not normal and here is a small list of things you need to stop doing now.

1. Doubting yourself.

Don’t do that. You are better, smarter and more magnificent than you give yourself credit for. If you are constantly doubting yourself, you will never go after any dreams or goals you have.

2. Talking bad about yourself.

You say it all the time, oh that was so stupid of me or how dumb am I? Your mind hears you say these things all the time and eventually it will start believing them, if it hasn’t already. Start telling yourself awesome things about you.

3. No time for you.

You spend all the hours in the day pleasing everyone else and at the end of the day, there’s no time for you. Stop spreading yourself thin and not leaving any time for you in your day. You are just as important, if not more, as everyone else. Make time for you.

4. Being jealous of others.

Jealousy will eat you alive. Stop being jealous of people. When you are jealous of others, you are not giving yourself enough credit for your skills and talents. You are just as great, maybe even better, than anyone else at what you can do. We are not here to compete. You are great, just like everybody else.

5. Working too hard or too much.

Work work work. Is that the story of your life? What about your life? Are you taking time to enjoy it? Your brain and your body nee d to time to decompress and step away from work mode and into leisure and relax mode. You owe it to yourself to do this, nurture yourself.

6. Worrying.

We like to worry and I never could figure this out. We worry about things that haven’t even happened and maybe might not ever happen. We stress out over things that we make up in our own heads. Stop doing this. This is torment for your brain. Feed your brain good things, not toxic things.

7. Being lazy.

Procrastination and laziness go hand in hand. We will put it off until tomorrow because we don’t feel like doing it today. Usually it is fear that is holding you back from anything. Stop procrastinating and slipping into lazy mode. Get off your arse and go live life. Get stuff done. Tomorrow might not come.

8. Feeling sorry for yourself.

There is no time for long drawn out pity parties. Deal with whatever happened and move on. Don’t get stuck in woe is me mode. You may have a heck of a time getting out of it. Whatever happened, come to terms with why and then let it go. You have a life to live now, not yesterday’s life.

9. Blaming yourself.

Not everything is your fault all the time. You didn’t fail at anything.  Not everything is going to go your way either. Things happen for various reasons and usually none of them are your fault. Accept what happened, and let it go. If you were at fault, admit and move on. What’s done is done. And it’s done.

10. Playing the victim.

It was wrong. They did you wrong, the system is wrong, they hurt you, bad stuff always happens to you. Ok we get it, that’s enough. the more you talk about it, the worse stuff will happen to you. start talking about good stuff now. Start sharing happy times and put all the victimhood issues aside. That was yesterday, this is today. Start fresh.

We all desperately want happy lives but many of us are still stuck in the wrongs from yesterday. It’s time to let that go and move into today and look forward to a brighter tomorrow. It’s there for those who seek it.

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You finally found the woman of your dreams. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a woman and then some.  She’s smart, confident, kind, beautiful inside and out, she’s simply the whole package. And she’s strong. Very strong. You wanted a strong woman though, right? So now that you have a strong woman, the question is not only can you handle her but do you know what drives her and what drives her crazy?

The strong woman wasn’t born like that. More than likely she had to put up with a lot of shit in her life that made her strong. At this point in her life, for as far as she has come, there are things she appreciates and some things she simply won’t stand for in a relationship. I’m fortunate enough to have married a strong woman and I know from experience, she will not put up with any of this.

1. Laziness.

If you have no ambition or very little desire to push further in your career and or life in general, you probably won’t keep her very long. She likes a man with drive. Personal and professional. Always pushing the envelope, what can we achieve next? That’s her kind of man. Oh, and if you are lazy around the house too, chances are she’ll be gone before you know it.

2. Complaining.

About anything really. Strong people in general have worked hard to get to where they are now and appreciate what they have and are very grateful for their accomplishments. If you are too busy complaining about every little thing in your life, then she won’t have time or the desire to put up with that.

3. Jealousy.

She has no place or room for jealousy in her life. Life isn’t a competition between anybody. We are all in this together and she wants everyone to succeed and be happy. She’ll even lend a helping hand if she can. She gives you no reason to be jealous and she will not show jealousy towards you. If you can’t do the same, she has no room in her life for you either.

4. Controlling.

If you want to control her, you got the wrong girl. She will not be controlled or told what to do, how to do it or when. She’s a free spirit and a determined lady. She knows what she wants and she won’t let anyone tell her differently or keep her from living her life. Chances are she’s been controlled in the past and will not put up with that behaviour ever again. If you are looking for someone to control, wrong girl.

5. Lying, cheating or any other kind of deceit.

If that’s your thing, move on. She is honest to a fault and absolutely expects and demands the same in her partner. You can’t build a relationship on a shaky foundation and she will not tolerate betrayal of any kind. First lie, you’re done. There will be no second chances, ever. White lies too.

6. Selfishness.

Forget it. She is a kind and caring soul and will often put others before herself. She thinks of other’s feelings before she will do or say anything. If you only think of yourself and your needs, then you are with the wrong person. There is a time and place to be selfish, especially when we are caring for ourselves, but it doesn’t come at the expense of others.

7. Manipulation.

If you want something come out and say it, if you don’t like something, come out and say it, don’t play games with her mind. Not only will she catch on immediately but she will put a stop to it, all of it, asap. She doesn’t have time for mind games or manipulation. Those are bully tactics and she has no room in her life for a bully.

8. Ego based.

If your ego is bigger than the doorway she’ll let you know and put you in your place. You are not better than anyone else and she’ll be the first to tell you. People are people and we are all equals. She is adamant about that and has no qualms about telling people that. Check your ego at the door.

9. Judgemental.

No judging allowed. See #8. People are people and we are all in this together. The rich, the poor, the homeless, the middle class. Everyone gets treated the same. She will treat the CEO and the homeless guy on the street corner the same, with respect. Judging is for arseholes and she has no room in her life for one.

10. Unsupportive.

If she has plans and dreams and goals, she would like 100% support from her partner with regards to those and she in turn will give you 100% support back. She likes team work. A relationship is a partnership. Equals. mutual respect, trust, love and support.

If you see yourself in here anywhere, the strong woman isn’t for you. If none of these apply, then this might be a match made in heaven.

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Turning 30 is a big milestone for most people. Whether you dread it or look forward to it is totally up to you. The choices that you make in your twenties and the habits that you nurture and perfect will greatly influence your life as you step into your thirties.

When we look at some of the most successful people today, it becomes apparent that they devoted their twenties to developing and molding themselves to become the successful individuals that they are at present.

Here are eight habits that will help you achieve success in your chosen field. Just make sure you cultivate these habits in your twenties, so that they become an integral part of you by the time you turn thirty.

Build Your Professional Network

Networking is the name of the game. No matter which field you are in, be it science and technology or banking and finance, your networking skills will take you places. It is all about making the right connections.

Ronald Burt, Professor of Sociology and Strategy at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, has spent years studying how social networks help create competitive advantage in peoples’ careers. One of his firm beliefs is that instead of better glasses, networks give people better eyes. Networks help people better themselves, providing them with opportunities to interact with their peers and seniors and learning and growing from their experiences.

While social media and professional networking platforms like LinkedIn have made it easier to connect with other professionals and industry gurus on a basic level, making a much more significant connection goes beyond adding someone on LinkedIn.

Learn To Strike A Good Work/Life Balance

Yes, you need to work hard and push yourself to be the best you can at what you do. But remember that you also need to maintain a good work/life balance. Many young professionals who are driven and focused in their early career burnout before they even reach their mid-thirties. Not surprising when you consider the long hours and late nights that they put in, sacrificing their personal lives.

Co-founder of Twitter and Medium, Evan Williams, is a strong advocate of good work/life balance. In fact, he lists it as one of the essential ingredients in his formula for entrepreneurial success. “Take care of yourself. When you don’t sleep, eat crap, don’t exercise, and are living off adrenaline for too long, your performance suffers. Your decisions suffer. Your company suffers.”

Learn To Take Risks

The fear of failure can be so potent that before you know it, you are in your thirties with an average life, a safe job, and no great memories to look back on. Whether your risk pays off or not is secondary. What really matters is overcoming the fear and taking the risk.

Peter Drucker, management-consultant and author, whose writings are the bible of the modern business world believes that behind every successful business, there’s someone who once made a courageous decision.

Embrace Your Failures

Most of us love to celebrate our success, retelling our struggles about how much we had to go through to succeed. But our attitude to failure is entirely different. Most of us shy away from failure, trying to quickly forget any time we fail and move on. But what we need to remember is that while success is sweet, failure is the catalyst that will propel us toward success. Failure teaches us so many valuable lessons. Every time you fail, you gain experience.

As clichéd as it might sound, failure really is the stepping stones to success. Founder and CEO of GoPro, Nick Woodman, did not have an easy start in the business world. He failed twice, with two of his startups sinking without a trace. But instead of letting those failures run him down, Nick chose to learn from his experiences. He worked twice as hard to make sure that his next startup, GoPro, succeeded. He was so scared of failing again that he was totally committed to succeeding. His fear of failure is what fueled his drive to succeed. GoPro went on to become a huge success, making him one of the youngest billionaires in the world.

Surround Yourself With Good People

Surround yourself with good people who have a positive outlook in life. Being around negative people or those who constantly criticize and doubt you can take its toll on your confidence. You do not want to be around people like that, people who would stifle your growth and stop you from becoming a better person.

Niklas Zennstrom, founder of Skype strongly believes that surrounding yourself with good people is of paramount importance. According to him, it’s more important to have smart people who really believe in what you’re doing than really experienced people who may not share your dream.

Build A Nest Egg For The Future

It’s never too early to start saving. No matter what you make in your job, you need to make it a point to put away some of it, even if that ‘some’ is very little. Building your nest egg will help you in the long run. A little bit saved here and there can make a huge difference to your bank account. Start saving, not tomorrow, not next week, but today.

Learn To Say No

The ability to say no is very crucial for both your personal and professional life. If you don’t learn to say no, you will quickly find yourself working on sideline projects that others have no interest in. In order to progress in your career and be taken seriously, you need to learn to put your foot down and say no when needed.

This also applies to your personal life. Unless you learn to be firm and say no, you will soon find out that even friends and family tend to treat you like a pushover.

Warren Buffet, the billionaire business mogul, believes that in order to be a very successful person, one needs to learn to say ‘’no’’ to almost everything. Realizing that your time is precious and not just giving it away to everyone is the best thing that you can do for yourself. So learn to use your time wisely and efficiently.

Learn To Grab Opportunities

In her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg writes, “There is no perfect fit when you’re looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around. The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.”

While having a defined path and following it can be a good thing, there will come times in your life where you will have to grab an opportunity, even if it means going out of your comfort zone. You cannot map out your entire career path. Trying to follow a rigid route and ignoring opportunities that come your way just because they don’t fit into your plans will stunt your growth. You need to learn to be an opportunist who makes the most of what life throws your way.

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