Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours / Dale Carnegie

*Sigh*

Social gatherings are unnerving.

Do you feel uncomfortable around other people?

They talk … and you sit there like a fish. You try to join in the conversation but you struggle to find the right words. And everything you say sounds bland.

Why can’t you be a bubbly and engaging person?

I used to be awkward at social gatherings. I was stressed out about finding the right words. And when I said something it turned out completely wrong. I felt dumb.

But I implemented a simple plan. A plan to become interesting. To compel people to listen.

Shall I explain?

1. Read Like a Psychic

As a kid I loved watching psychic shows.

The dim lights. The quiet music that raises the tension as the psychic picks a volunteer from the crowd.

As expected the psychic reads the volunteer like an open book.

But once in a while he would miss.

He would say that the 40-year old man in a suit had made a big investment lately. And when he found out he was wrong, he’d say that the image wasn’t clear, and he’d soon make a big investment like buying a car, or a house, or property.

But when I grew up I found out their dirty little secret.

They don’t have supernatural powers. They’re exceptionally good at reading people. They obtain a great deal of information by analyzing the person’s body language, clothing and manner of speech. And then they make an educated guess.

The same approach works when communicating.

When you meet someone, don’t just look at him. PAY ATTENTION.

• Notice his clothing, body language and manner of speech.

• Engage him with questions using what you have observed.

• Notice subtle cues such as changes in facial expression or body language. They indicate whether you’ve nailed it or not.

Make it a game. Discover as much as you can about the other person.

Did you make him excited? Intrigued? If not, keep guessing.

Enchant people with your observations. Captivate them with your questions.

2. Write From The Heart

 Do you struggle with words?

Start writing.

It helps you develop your ability to express your ideas verbally. To come up with the right words every time.

But writing is not enough.

Ask yourself.

When you want something, how much logic do you use?

How much is based on emotion?

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion / Dale Carnegie

Listening to an emotionless speaker is like eating a bland dish. It might look delicious but after one bite you lose interest and move to a yummy piece of cake.

Spice up your writing.

Write from your heart. Get excited. Touch your audience. Make them feel your words.

When you speak from the heart you become enthusiastic. When you speak your truth you get excited. And enthusiastic people are so much more interesting listening to.

Write frequently.

You may not feel it happen, but it will change you. Drastically. You’ll still be you, but you’ll be a better version of you.

And you’ll see the results.

Where you used to get a halfhearted response from people, you’ll start getting their full attention.

Your thoughts will be formed better.

You’ll be more enthusiastic and your language more vivid, letting your emotions shine through.

Apply to emotions. Compel people to listen.

3. Stop Talking

You know how this goes.

You’re enjoying a cup of coffee with your friend.

He’s ranting about his job, how his boss gives him a hard time. Riding his ass the whole day for being late. But you’re so immersed in your own thoughts that you hardly hear what he’s saying.

When having a conversation do you listen? Or are you trying to come up with something smart to say?

Start listening.

Don’t try to come up with a solution. Pay attention to what the other person is saying.

Be truly interested in him. Ask questions.

Most people think they need to have smart ideas to be a good conversationalist, but it’s far more important to ask good questions.

This makes you an interesting conversationalist even when you say almost nothing.

Heck, you might even learn something new.

The Truth About Becoming Interesting

Being interesting is not about being an extrovert.

It’s not about having charisma or not.

To have a good chat, you need to listen more than you talk.

Pay attention to the other person. Be curious about him. Encourage him to speak.

Make him feel you’re genuinely interested in him.

Captivate him. Fascinate him. Enchant him.

Sweep him off his feet.

 

Benny (@BenjaminMalev) is an energetic family man. He’s on a mission to help men live their life to the fullest, while putting their family first. Join him and learn to live a vibrant life at Vibrant Dad.

 

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Deciding to take the step to getting healthy can be overwhelming as you often wonder where do you even start. There is so much information out there that trying to add in all these new foods and lifestyle changes can lead you feeling defeated before you have even begun.

I believe that you first need to look at the things that can be sabotaging your ability to lose weight and get healthy. These three things should be looked at if you are just getting started or you have already been committed to a healthy lifestyle for years

1. NOT EATING ENOUGH

I find this as one of the biggest misconceptions in weight loss.

It seems simple enough that if you start eating less you’ll automatically lose weight, But when you see how the body treats that you will think again before drastically cutting calories

Your body needs to be in a state of balance. If you’re cold your body starts to shiver to get warm, if you’re tired your body starts to slow down as it craves sleep. When you start to deprive yourself of food your body compensates by also slowing your metabolism. Since calories are being consumed sparingly the body will start to expend energy less in order to preserve the few precious calories it has.

This can grind weight loss to a halt as the body is now trying to desperately hold on to what it has making each pound loss a longer and longer process. The flip side is when an abundance of food is then introduced back in (which will eventually end up happening after trying to restrict food for too long) your body with an already lowered metabolism will very readily convert the new influx of calories into body fat.

Your body has been starved and it doesn’t know if it will be getting food again so it quickly converts the sudden influx of food into stored energy aka body fat.

A reduced calorie diet usually then follows and the same process continues over and over as that incremental bit of weight gain each time adds up to quite a lot over the years.

2. LACK OF SLEEP

We live in a society where it has almost become a badge of honor to proclaim how little sleep we got the night before but look how it doesn’t stop me!

This will certainly stop your weight loss pursuits though.

Lack of sleep can have a big impact on your hormone levels, primarily the hormone cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone that when out of balance and secreted too much can cause weight gain and a lower metabolism as another “preservation” mode.

When you get very little sleep, especially in the 4-5 hour mark your body is assuming there is some kind of stress going on. It doesn’t know if there is a some sort of physical threat or famine or that you’ve been up all night watching a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon.

Your body basically assumes something negative must be happening if it’s keeping your from sleep and those constantly elevated,unbalanced cortisol and stress hormone levels will severely sabotage your weight loss pursuits

• Try for at least 6-8 hours of sleep a night and remember that sleep and exercise will help to metabolize and burn off those stress hormones
• Create a wind down routine so your body get accustomed to recognizing when you start to slow down for the day
• Avoid T.V and electronics a few hours before bed. Blue light from our electronics can disrupt natural melatonin levels in the brain leading to unnatural circadian rhythms and very disrupted sleep

3. REGULAR DAILY STRESS

This will be related to the sleep issue but it’s becoming apparent that chronic stress is responsible for an immense amount of diseases and illnesses.

At the moment 43% of adults suffer adverse health effects from stress. And here is a list of just SOME of the effects of stress on the body:

• stroke
• heart disease
• hypertension
• diabetes
• anxiety
• IBS
• insomnia
• depression
• weight gain and obesity

You can see how weight gain and obesity seem almost secondary to these other horrible conditions but the effects of stress are two fold in weight loss pursuits; stress creates effects in the body that will allow weight loss to become excruciatingly hard while at the same time causing weight gain itself.

Reducing stress in your life is not only beneficial for your waistline but your entire overall health and wellness.

There are some simple steps you can take to help reduce and remove stress from your life including:

• Adequate and consistent sleep
• exercise and yoga
• a whole foods based diet
• elimination of junk and preservative laden “foods”
• Meditation
• recognizing what stresses are in and out of your control
• deep breathing exercises

This only scratches the surface of things you can do to reduce stress but hopefully it encourages you to explore all options in taking back your health and wellness.

WRAPPING IT ALL UP

There are other things involved with getting underway in weight loss but if you keep these 3 things in your back pocket it will help set you up for success.

Remember to:

• Not deprive your body of food but focus on fresh, whole foods consistently to allow your body to keep fed, nourished and your metabolism high
• Not deprive yourself of sleep. Allow your body to rest and repair rather than force it to elevate its stress hormones and set you back
• Try and remove or at least manage sources of stress in your life. Your weight loss pursuits and your overall health will be all the better for it.

 

Jamie Logie is a personal trainer and nutrition and wellness specialist who runs regainedwellness.com and the Regained Wellness Podcast. You can get the free Healthy Eating Starter Kit ebook by going to http://ift.tt/1FrNCPe

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Are you performing at a high level in your area of focus such as sports, health, business, blogging, or at work? Whatever your area of focus, reading your goals often can produce faster and more consistent results. Losing sight of your goals can leave you stagnant or swimming against the current. I have compiled five key insights and beliefs that I hope will sell you on the importance of frequently reading what matters most—your goals!

1. A destination without a road map is a wish.

One of the main objectives of writing goals is to determine the steps you need to take to arrive at your desired destination. A daily review of the road map to your goals will ultimately put you in the best position to successfully execute the plan you’ve written for yourself. If the plan becomes second nature (like the route you take to the gym or to work), then the targeted goal and its route become inevitable.

2. Without repetition, goals will escape the mind.

I think everyone has listened to a song and then found that we “replayed” it in our mind for a few days (the earworm phenomenon). Yet the entire song is available to us via memory only for several days; inevitably, it seems to fade from memory over the coming weeks.

Goals are very similar. Reviewing goals frequently enables us to easily recall their steps or benchmarks when we are not reviewing them, which gives us a stronger probability of implementing the actions necessary to achieve them. Frequently reviewed steps will eventually create a pathway in the brain if we consistently review them and not allow them to escape us. There are many studies that back the benefits that repetition has on the brain.

3. We will lose desire, which causes a goal to lose its value.

One major drawback of not reviewing our goals is that we will eventually lose desire for them.

Personal development godfather Jim Rohn says, “Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.”

Goals, too, will eventually lose value if they are not reviewed frequently. Reviewing goals at least 10 times each week enables us to mindlessly pivot towards them to make them realities. We know that thoughts can become actions. As a result, we can reach our goals faster.

4. Progress equals happiness.

The more tasks we accomplish and the greater progress we experience towards reaching our goals, the more our self-respect will increase.

When we feel an increase in personal value, our sense of worth keeps us happy. Think of someone who is trying to lose weight. Do they stop after losing 6 pounds? Usually not, and the reason is that losing 6 pounds represents real progress and, in turn, an increased sense of personal value. That motivates the dieter to lose more weight.

5. Reading our goals daily should motivate us.

Life is easier when we wake up every morning and review our life’s purpose through a review of our goals. We then activate that energy and momentum as we take one step closer to our destination.

Maybe your goals are written down clearly to the extent that you become charged every time you read them. But are you able to recall your goals and plans like a melody that sticks in your mind, so that your actions reflect your goals?

By practicing ongoing repetition, we become programmed to know the steps to take to reach our ultimate destination. It is worth the time spent!

Stay strong and dig deep daily to produce what’s important to you faster. The benefits and outcomes will result in your masterfully illustrated dream board.

I am curious to know . . .

• How do you make certain that your goals are reviewed?
• What changes do you witness in your life when you do or don’t review them? Do you become energized?

Brad DeVore is founder and coach for the personal excellence website PositiveJump.com. To receive his free list of personal excellence tips and other authentic content, click success to sign up for updates or learn more about the new PositiveJump nation!

 

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It’s inspiring to envision the future and to set dreams and goals for things we hope to achieve. But then there’s the question of how to turn those dreams into reality. It’s not as easy as just wishing it to happen; our biggest dreams can take a lot of time, hard work and perseverance.

Fortunately there are plenty of people who have already made it happen. We can learn from them and study their efforts in order to understand what went right.

As Brian Tracy once said, “success leaves tracks.” And in those tracks we can discover habits and behaviors that helped make them so successful. From there we can gain insights and knowledge to guide us on our own paths.

1. They don’t make excuses why it won’t work – they find reasons it will

There are a lot of excuses to give why you can’t reach your dreams – time, money, energy, environment among others. Sometimes they can seem impossible to overcome.

But those who successfully reach their dreams don’t give in to these excuses. Rather than seeing obstacles as insurmountable, they see them as challenges – something they’ll eventually solve.

Instead of finding reasons why your dreams won’t work, start to look for reasons that they will. This will help you avoid a defeatist mindset and move you a step closer to victory.

2. They’re willing to take risks

The bigger the goal, the bigger the risk it takes to get there. As with any big endeavor, there’s always an element of chance and the possibility of failure.

Reaching your dreams means putting yourself out there and doing things you’ve never attempted. Whether that means taking a chance on an opinion, a business or a product, you have to try something new to reach your reward.

But if you believe in yourself and know that what you’re doing is the right course of action, the risk will be worthwhile. The only alternative is to sit back and wonder what might have been.

3. They know that getting anywhere takes time, patience and effort

History is full of people who gave up too early, never realizing just how close they were to realizing their goals. Whatever your dream happens to be, you’ll need strength to persevere every day towards it.

Perseverance acts like a filter to weed out those who only “kind of” want their dream from those who truly want it. Think of it like an endurance test which needs to be passed in order to get where you want.

The time and patience it takes to reach your dreams should be treated like a marathon. We’re trying to get to the finish line, but need to focus on continually making progress. In the end it doesn’t matter what your pace is as long as you keep putting enough footsteps in front of the other. With enough patience and perseverance, you’ll eventually get to the end.

4. They create time to make it happen

If you’re like most people, you lead a busy life. We all have things to do, friends to hang out with, and lives to live. But in all your busyness, enough time needs to be carved out to work on making your dreams a reality.

Take a lesson from John Grisham. While writing his first novel, he worked 60-70 hours a week as a lawyer, using any time in the morning or during courtroom recess he could find.

By most people’s measures, he had no time to write. But instead of giving up, he created time whenever possible and that eventually helped him launch his writing career.

5. They have unwavering faith in themselves

People who reach their dreams don’t know they’ll reach it. If they’ve never done it before, they have no previous experience to reference.

It’s often hard to find reasons why you think you’ll make it. There will be more doubts and fears pulling you back and little to no reassurance of success.

This is why faith is so important. When your path to success is unclear, it will keep you moving forward, knowing that somehow you’ll find your way. With enough faith, you’ll discover hidden strength and resolve to keep you moving forward.

6. They enjoy the process to get there

Realizing your dreams is a lot like mountain climbing. For most of the climb, you’re fixated on reaching the top – that’s your goal. However, most of your time will be spent on the journey to get there.

The journey to reach your dreams is just as important as the dream itself, perhaps more important since that’s where you’ll spend most of your time. You have to love the work and effort you do every day to reach your destination.

If you can’t find a way to enjoy the time it takes to reach your dream, you’ll find it harder to get there. Getting your dream isn’t solely about the target, it’s also about finding the joy in the process to get there.

7. They don’t rely on luck, they prepare for it

The relationship between working hard and being lucky is closer than most people realize. However, luck is a concept that most people misunderstand.

Being lucky isn’t solely about being in the right place at the right time. It’s also about preparation and being in the right mindset so when the right opportunity comes along, you’ll be able to capitalize on it.

The ancient Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” With that in mind, we should see luck as nothing more than preparation for the moment when all your hard work pays off.

Steve is the writer behind Do Something Cool where he blogs about travel, motivation, self improvement and adventure. He’s always looking for ways to make life more interesting. For fresh ideas on living life to the fullest, join his newsletter.

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Most of the people we’re surrounded by every day – our loved ones, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. – have flaws. There are things in their behavior, appearance and way of thinking that we want to change.

Some of the stuff they do annoys us, we don’t agree with their opinion on particular topics, we don’t like some of their habits. And all of this prevents us from enjoying their company, appreciating them for who they are, accepting them and being good to them.

Eventually, that brings disappointment and discontent in our lives, makes the other person feel bad, and ruins our relationship.

And this is a result of us wanting to change them.

But why?

Why would we take an individual, someone that’s already a part of our life, who’s already perfect in his own unique way, and try to change him so that he can answer our expectations and be who we imagine him to be?

Isn’t that selfish?

Of course it is.

And if we stop for a moment and think about it, we’ll realize how ridiculous this desire of ours is.

Trying to change others is an awful thing to do.

We live with an ideal of how another person must behave and whenever he doesn’t do what we expect, we’re disappointed.

We don’t let him be who he is and try hard to change him. But when we do, he becomes another person and is different from the one we loved/became friends with/ had something in common with.
And we’re still not satisfied.

So let’s see how we can turn that process around and have great relationships:

9 Ways to Stop Trying to Change People

1. Let go of ideals.

Why would you have your own version of who others should be at all?

You can’t decide how they need to live their lives, you can only choose who to be in yours and accept him for who he is.

2. Respect their individuality.

Those around you are individuals, just like you.

They are unique human beings and have their own way of thinking. Everyone sees the world in his own way. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just different.

All the people in your life are complex mixtures of opinions, emotions, values, knowledge, experience, dreams, interests and goals.

Don’t change that! It’s taken them so long and so much to get here. Respect that!

3. Focus on their good sides.

Flaws are inevitable, but why focus on that?

Instead, see the good in others. Only this little change can make you so much more happier. And without changing anything in them, you’ll start appreciating and enjoying who they are.

4. Put yourself in their shoes.

Everyone is fighting a battle.

Most of the people you see every day have been through a lot, and this explains why sometimes they act bad, can’t trust you, are rude, want to be alone, etc.

You never know what’s going on in their life, so keep that in mind next time you start judging.

Their problems may be bigger that you expect.
Often people have money issues, are hurt, have a disease, or else, but don’t tell anyone about it.

So don’t try to change them, don’t take it personally if they behave in a way you don’t like.

5. Be compassionate.

The best way to show understanding, love and acceptance is through compassion.
This will help both you and the other person no matter what the situation is.

6. Be grateful for having them.

Whatever it is that you want to change in them, it can be put aside.
Meanwhile, thank them for being here, appreciate who they are.

After all, they too have decided to be part of your life, to stick around, to put effort in keeping this relationship.

If you tell yourself that each time you’re with them, you’ll start seeing them as the blessings they are.
And soon all the things you don’t like about them won’t matter anymore.

7. Remember why they were important to you in the first place.

Maybe they are your family, you became friends, met under interesting circumstances, have spent quality time together, had a lot in common once, or else.

Go back to that time and remind yourself of the things that made you decide to make them part of your life.

They’ve done things for you, made sacrifices, dedicated their time and spent it with you.
And that’s enough to be thankful for.

8. Accept them and everything they do.

Stop trying to change things and interfere. Let everyone be who he is and accept his view, opinion, actions and behavior.

That will make your life so much easier, will simplify your relationship and both you and the other person will be free to do what you think is best.

9. Stop comparing.

Wanting to change someone means not agreeing with him, not approving his way of living life.
And that’s a result of comparing him to yourself.

But why should he be anything like you?

He wants other things in life, has a different approach and other stuff is important to him.

So let him follow his own path. Let him make mistakes and fail. That’s how everyone learns, grows and eventually succeeds.

***
Now you see why trying to change people is a bad thing. It’s actually a flaw of ours and something to work on.

You can lead a great life, have healthy relationships and make the best of each day that’s given to you by letting go of all judgment, comparison, ideals and expectations that concern other people.

Instead, let them be who they are, accept, be compassionate and enjoy every minute you get to spend with them.
That’s how life becomes a beautiful journey full of love, peace and contentment.

Are there people in your life you want to change? What is it that you don’t like about them? How do you deal with it

Lidiya K. is a writer and blogger in the fields of self-improvement, life hacking, human potential and minimalism. She’s the creator of Let’s Reach Success , where her mission is to motivate and inspire and think of creative and unusual ways to overcome fear, procrastination, insecurity, clutter, failure, overthinking, discontent and much more.

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News and media is widely accessible these days thanks to modern technology; we can keep up to date at home or on the go, and at any time of the day or night.

It used to be the case that in order to become informed of the current events of the world, we would have to tune in to the TV or radio at certain times throughout the day.

When I was younger, my parents would sit down to watch the main evening news at 6pm everyday- and sometimes again at 9pm. This was extremely upsetting for me and my brothers- as our cartoons were put on hold in favor of current affairs and politics, and other such material that we found uninteresting.

What struck me at the time was how- more often than not- the mood in the room would become slightly tetchy after watching the news. It would usually leave my parents feeling upset, and frustrated.

Similarly, if there were a group of adults watching the news together- for example if we had visitors over- a big discussion would always ensue where everyone would complain about the current state of affairs; a cluster of pessimism.

I always showed my age at the time by thinking- perhaps a little selfishly-

“We’re missing ‘The Simpsons’ for this?!”

As I got older and began to tune in myself- I found that there rarely seemed to be happy or uplifting stories being broadcast, and I can’t recall ever coming away feeling revitalized or enlightened as a result.

So, I made the conscious decision a long time ago to not tune in to the news- of any kind.

Now and again I will have a look at the sports pages- as I am a sports fan- or the gossip column just to keep an eye on what Kourtney, Kim and Khloé are getting up to- but that goes without saying.

I know some will say that it is irresponsible- that we should keep informed with current affairs and what is going on in the world around us- and maybe they are right.

For me though, I like to think that there is much to be gained by taking control of the information we consume.

Health

Stay with me here.

Yes, every nugget of information we absorb on a daily basis is affecting our health- and that includes the type of news we decide to engage with.

In gaining complete control of the material we expose ourselves to- we are taking steps towards improving our health and happiness. I understand that this isn’t always possible to control- but it’s something we can try to keep in mind.

It doesn’t make any sense to me- to invest our time in something that is perhaps going to have a negative impact on our well-being.

Productivity

I’m not sure of the exact figures, but I would guess that we spend a pretty substantial chunk of our week tuned in to news and media.

Why not free up some of that time spent listening to those irritating politicians go around in circles- and dedicate it towards some of the things which we had been putting off.

Maybe it’s the novel we had always dreamed of writing, or the business idea that has been simmering now for some time, or perhaps there is something we simply want to tick off our bucket list- whatever the case- let’s go and get after it.

Mindfulness

When we begin to limit our exposure to news and media, we allow ourselves to become more aware of our thoughts and feelings.

In doing so, we are afforded with the opportunity to listen to our inner voice, and to carry on passionately along the path that was set out for us.

Purpose and Meaning

In the act of looking inward- rather than allowing outside influences dictate our thoughts and actions- we begin to realize what it is that we really want to achieve in life.

We have an opportunity to create our own news- to impact the world and the lives of those around us in a positive way- with desire and fortitude.

The world will continue to turn- whether we decide to tune in or not- but the important thing is that we feel in control of our own destiny.

Like I said, I don’t feel like we are missing out on anything by deciding not to follow the news- quite the opposite actually. I feel like we can be better for it, and have much more to gain by deciding to take control of the information we consume.

If there is something of great importance- or is of relevance to our current situations- I figure we will find out sooner or later.

Who knows, perhaps the day will come when I will feel the need to start following the news- when I have transformed into one of those disagreeable old hecklers from ‘The Muppets’ and have become cynical and battle-hardened from the experiences of life- but I sincerely hope not.

Or better still, maybe by then the news will be filled with positive, inspirational, feel-good content that will leave us feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, excited to go and make the most of the day ahead; to live our lives to the fullest.

Now that is something I would tune in to.

We can live and hope- but until then- I’ll stick to my cartoons.

You can check out Patrick’s self-development website The Irish Introvert, and you can also follow him on Twitter and Facebook. 

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