Month: September 2017

8 Reasons a Fear of Success, Not Failure, Is Holding You Back

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It is often assumed that someone who is risk averse and who resists their desire to achieve something does so because they are afraid of failing. In actual fact, there is a second fear that holds people back from striving toward their goals: the fear of success.

It may seem counterintuitive to be afraid of something that so many people spend their entire lives chasing, but success can bring challenges of its own and these can discourage some who may otherwise have the ability to attain it.

They effectively sabotage any chances they may have of fulfilling their potential so as to avoid having to deal with the consequences of their accomplishments.

But what, I hear you cry, could possibly deter people from getting ahead in life? Why would they ever be content with underachieving? Here are 8 possible reasons you might fear success in life:

1. You’re Afraid of the Unknown

Right now your life is predictable. You are in an established rhythm that you can follow without any great thought. Your job doesn’t stretch you, your finances are relatively secure, your free time is taken up by the same old routine each week, and your relationships are stable.

To succeed, you would have to rip up this script and replace it with all sorts of unknown quantities: new people, new places, new lifestyle, new activities. Upon realizing your goal, things might change yet again as your new, successful self faces fresh choices and obstacles.

The unknown is scary, so rather than give it a chance to permeate through your life, you simply put the blinkers on and pretend everything’s fine.

2. You’re Afraid of the Demands Success Might Make of You

One of the biggest unknowns is the potential new demands that success might force upon you. Your successful self might suddenly find that they have little to no leisure time left because you have to spend more of your day working, training, learning, or reacting to situations you now find yourself in.

Or your achievements might mean you have to deal with invasions of privacy (more on that in a minute), requests for help or money, and pressure to maintain the highs you have reached.

You think these things will weigh you down, so rather than let that happen, you limit your progress.

3. You’re Afraid of the Responsibility Success Might Bring

You’ve done well… very well, and now you’re accountable for so much more than you ever were before. Maybe you’ve got employees to think about, even shareholders to please, or other commitments that you can’t get out of. Did you win a scholarship to a prestigious university, get selected for a sports team you tried out for, or make your family proud in some other way?

That’s a lot to have to think about each time you make a decision. What if it’s the wrong one? What if you let people down? What if everything comes crashing down around you?

Rather than face up to the burden of this responsibility, you decide to stay put where you are.

4. You’re Afraid of the Attention Success Could Attract

Whether it’s chatter among your peers, local media coverage, or international stardom, being successful may sometimes shine a spotlight upon you. Strangers might try to talk to you, your face might find its way into magazines, and your personal choices might be poured over and scrutinized by anyone with a Twitter account.

And it’s not all going to be positive. Success has a habit of making you a target for attacks; envy can be a cruel emotion that drives people to say and do unpleasant things, and most of the time you won’t be around to defend yourself.

You don’t want to be the center of attention. Not one bit. So instead of pursuing the things that you are passionate about, you hold back and avoid the limelight.

5. You’re Afraid of Losing Your Identity

You know who you are right now. Well… mostly. You are well acquainted with your thoughts, feelings, and desires. You are comfortable in your own skin and others are comfortable with it too.

Success means change and you’re afraid that this includes your identity. You worry that you might start behaving differently – you might let success get to your head, you might take things (and people) for granted, you might lose touch with your roots. You may even alienate your loved ones (as we’ll discuss below).

The thought of becoming a different person scares the living daylights out of you, so you just maintain the status quo and pass up opportunities that come your way.

6. You’re Afraid Success Won’t Bring You Happiness

We all want to be happy in our lives. Perhaps you are right now, or relatively so. In your mind, success should bring even greater joy into your life… but what if it doesn’t? What if, after striving so hard to achieve great things, you are no happier than you are now? Or worse, you are less happy.

Is it worth taking the risk if you aren’t rewarded with greater enjoyment in your life? Are the hours and weeks and years of dedication going to pay off in the end?

Rather than ask the question, you stay silent and put your dreams on the perpetual back burner to avoid the chance of being disappointed.

7. You’re Afraid of Losing Those You Care About

That identity of yours we spoke about earlier; it’s not just relevant to you. Your friends, family, colleagues, and casual acquaintances all respond to you based upon that identity. If that changes – perhaps not in your eyes, but in theirs – will they act differently around you? What will happen to your relationships if you attain a level of success?

Might you suddenly become unrelatable or unapproachable in their eyes? Will conversations feel forced? Will the feeling of comfort you currently enjoy with them be replaced by one of awkwardness?

Not worth the risk, right?

8. You’re Afraid You Might Get Carried Away with Success

Perhaps none of the things above scare you. Perhaps the thing you fear most is that upon achieving success, it’s won’t be enough for you; that you’ll become obsessed with ever greater achievements and ever more challenging goals. You’re afraid that success will take over your life and become the be all and end all of your existence.

Sure, it happens. The emotional high of succeeding at something gets followed by the low of wondering what comes next. Will you be happy with what you have done so far, or will you have to constantly look for the next challenge, the next big thing?

Heck, if that’s what success is going to do to you, you don’t want it. You’ll just sit on your hands and keep that potential of yours hidden.

***

Here’s the thing about these eight components to your fear of success: they’re only one side of the story. Yes, they are part of the vast range of possibilities, but not all of them will come true. In fact, the opposite could also be true in many cases.

You may find yourself with more leisure time, you may enjoy the responsibility, you may embrace the attention, you may find your true self, you may experience so much more happiness, and you may strengthen your relationships or forge new ones.

When you fear success, you only focus on the cons and not the pros. Every “what if” question ends in a negative. You’re blinded to the wonderful things that may come about if you pursue a dream or goal.

It doesn’t matter if yours is a goal involving your career, health, finances, a sporting activity, a lifestyle you wish to lead, or something else entirely, if all you ever do is consider the negative consequences of succeeding, you will remain forever afraid to take a leap of faith.

So instead of being afraid of what success may lead to, be excited by it. Consider the good and great things that could be waiting for you if you but dive in head first to turning your dreams into reality.

– About the Writer –

Steve Waller is the founder of personal development blog A Conscious Rethink. There you can find advice designed to help you overcome the challenges standing in the way of a better, more content life. You can connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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Why Travel Mirrors Life – A Rebuke Of Instagram Perfectionism

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You’re reading Why Travel Mirrors Life – A Rebuke Of Instagram Perfectionism, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Backpacking and traveling are predominantly arduous, uncomfortable, and anxiety-inducing. When we see those picture perfect Instagram posts of people traveling the world they represent 1% of the story, willfully glossing over the other 99% (such as the fact that blood, sweat and tears were shed to get to the top of that mountain summit – all in the pursuit of a dopamine hit from the proceeding Instagram likes). The chaos of finding yourself in an alien culture, where you’ve been stripped of all familiarity, is at the time nothing other than a test of survival.

So why then is traveling so rewarding?

Because when we travel we submit ourselves to the accompanying s**t in order to experience those fleeting moments of bliss – the moments that we recall when nostalgically reminiscing about our travels. Nobody arrives home from traveling to share their stories of being ripped off by a local taxi driver or how they got so lost in a place that they started crying.

Life is exactly the same.

What gives our life meaning is our suffering, and what manifests from that suffering. For example when we graduate from university our pride and joy isn’t derived from the fact that we now have a new piece of paper that we did not have beforehand. Instead we celebrate all the hours spent frantically studying late at night, our challenging progress in terms of self-development and maturity, or those lifelong friends we made by placing ourselves in new social environments when we would much rather have stayed at home.

Take parenthood. 99% of being a parent involves doing thankless and repetitive tasks that nobody in their right mind would voluntarily agree to. Yet why is it that parenthood has been proven to be one of the most fulfilling pursuits in life? Because that 1% – seeing your offspring grow up – is so rewarding that the sacrifices which contributed to the end result was worth it.

What should you take from this post?

Embrace life’s difficulties. Don’t feel bad for not feeling happy all the time. Reframe your attitude to all those annoying micro tasks that need to be done on a daily basis because they are ultimately contributing to your desired end goals. Your sense of fulfillment and happiness should be viewed from an overview perspective rather than a fleeting snapshot in the here and now. Nobody wants to go to the bank to fill out endless admin forms, but perhaps that act is bringing you 0.001% closer to the person who are aiming to become.

Every single person on this planet is battling inner demons, in one form or another. Empathy and compassion of this fact will go a long way to contributing to your success and well-being. The next time you see that “i have my life together” post on Instagram, take heart from the reality that what you are seeing is a surface reflection of the proverbial iceberg.

Keep seeking.

Brian Cronin is the writer behind The Ithaca Diaries – a personal development blog documenting one man’s search for meaning, answers, and a pursuit of the good life. http://ift.tt/2xO17fq

You’ve read Why Travel Mirrors Life – A Rebuke Of Instagram Perfectionism, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Three Tales of Moral Corrosion

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Here is one way to take stock of the ways in which this year has changed us. Consider three stories of alliances—or misalliances—unfolding in three different important institutions in this country. One involves Congressional Democrats and the president in Washington; the second is a story of political troublemakers descending on Berkeley; and the third involves political actors welcomed and not welcomed by Harvard. These are stories of new alignments and battles over legitimacy. All three showcase shattered expectations, both institutional and personal, and represent new and profound failures of moral compasses.

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The Ninth Hour

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Alice McDermott’s eighth novel, The Ninth Hour, begins in early-twentieth-century Brooklyn with a thirty-two-year old man named Jim preparing to take his own life. He has sent his pregnant wife, Annie, out to the shops; he seals the windows and doors of their tenement apartment and turns on the gas. Jim’s mutinous attitude toward time and attendance, and preference for lying in bed, have lost him his job as a BRT trainman. A quick glimpse into his soul shows him glorying in what he takes to be exercises in independence — these largely amount to his flouting of set hours — but at bottom he is wracked with insecurities, and the fortitude most people exercise in soldiering on is not his. Thus he dies, leaving his wife and future child with no means of support.

Enter Sister St. Saviour of the Little Nursing Sisters of the Sick Poor, the first of the nuns whose work and inner lives play as much a part in this story as anyone’s. Discretion, savvy, and determination are St. Saviour’s salient virtues. She has seen it all, “breezed into the homes of strangers and seen the bottles in the bin, the poor contents of a cupboard, the bruise in a hidden place, seen as well, once, a pale thumb-sized infant in a basin filled with blood and, saying nothing at all, had bowed her head and nodded in just such a way.” St. Saviour takes over, comforting the young widow and moving fast in an attempt to arrange a Catholic burial, which Church law forbids for a suicide. The old nun has cultivated a network of influence, lending her de facto power in circumventing the laws and strictures “that complicated the lives of women: Catholic women in particular and poor women in general. Her own little Tammany, Sister Miriam called it.”)

St. Saviour enlists other nuns from the order to help manage Annie’s situation, and eventually the young mother-to-be is given a job in the convent’s laundry, where, in due time, she brings her baby to tend while she works. This is Sally, a child who grows up in the midst of doting religious women. Among them are Sister Jeanne, tiny, adored by children, and possessed of such understanding and compassion that she is willing to make the most extreme sacrifice for another; Sister Lucy, forceful problem solver, impatient of incompetence, indolence, and self-pity, a woman who lives “with a small, tight knot of fury at the center of her chest”; and Sister Illuminata, indefatigable head of the laundry, “a wizard with a hot iron and starch, with scrub brush and bleach.” The nuns work tirelessly on behalf of the poor, more effective than priests in practical matters.

Early on, McDermott slips the narration to Sally’s future children, and we move ahead to their time to find that the nuns are still involved, coming in to manage the household during what turn out to be their mother’s bouts of melancholy, periods during which Sally simply takes to her bed. A narrative “we” then looks back to the family’s much-told stories, of the break between Michael, their father’s father, and his own father, Patrick, who opposed Michael’s choice of a wife; of how Patrick lived a life blighted by having paid a substitute to take his place in the Union Army during the Civil War; and of how, crippled and badly scarred in battle, the man appeared at the door one day to take up residence in an upstairs room — a living reproach, tended by Patrick’s sister, still a child, who devoted her life to his care: “A widowed spinster, our father called her. A married nun.” McDermott, a master of resonance, gives these stories later valence, attaching them with the utmost subtlety to coming events.

At one point Sally, now eighteen, still cosseted by the nuns, eager for admiration, and heroine of her own fantasies, flatters herself that she has a religious vocation and travels by rail to a novitiate in Chicago. On the train her romantic view of service and sacrifice are punctured in a series of hellish encounters that are both horrible and — to the reader, at least — bleakly funny. Departing from her quiet descriptive style with its undercurrent of revelation, McDermott paints a grotesque phantasmagoria of lubricity, gluttony, cruelty, deviousness, fraud, and filth. The trip — which might have been conceived by Flannery O’Connor — exposes Sally not only to what the secular world has to offer but to her real self, a person unable to overcome her disgust with human nature and commit herself to others. If her later melancholy — what we call clinical depression — has a root beyond inheritance, it is here and in the shadow of her father’s suicide and in a later, truly shocking event, all creating in her a feeling that life has no meaning but the inevitability of death.

Problematical and complex versions of sacrifice and their ramifications run through this book. The nuns, of course, are self-sacrifice incarnate, devoting themselves to helping others and, not least, exercising the self-abnegation and restraint that communal living demands. Sister Lucy, for one, expresses this wordlessly, her frequently raised eyebrow saying, “You women constitute my purgatory . . . I will endure it, but not for your sake.” The novel’s title itself points to sacrifice, the “ninth hour” being one of the canonical hours, 3 pm (notionally the ninth hour after dawn), the hour that Christ died on the Cross, sacrificing himself for the sins of the world. Such fascination with sacrifice and its endless demands — willingly embraced, reluctantly endured, or guiltily refused — belongs to the Catholic Church of an earlier age and to a vanished sensibility and milieu, all evoked to perfection by McDermott. This is an exquisitely deep novel and a triumph.

The post The Ninth Hour appeared first on The Barnes & Noble Review.

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Family Home Designed by Architectural and Designing Firm Envelope Architecture in San Francisco, USA

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This family hideaway is tucked away in the woods of Northern California, in Mendocino County, just a few hours away from San Francisco, USA. It consists of nine cabins that are organized in 4 groups that are connected to each other by a network of wooden roads. The vacation space, designed for a couple with three small children, is the work of the architectural and designing firm Envelope Architecture, based..

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There’s no better place to be inspired by American history than…

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There’s no better place to be inspired by American history than the National Mall and Memorial Parks in Washington, D.C. Walking among the historic buildings and statues, you can learn lessons from our greatest leaders and hear about the sacrifices of Americans in times of war. The Washington Monument serves as the centerpiece of the nation’s capital, rising over 555 feet tall and honoring the commanding general of the Revolutionary Army and the first President of the United States: George Washington. Photo courtesy of Drew Geraci.

Fabulous Apartment With Concrete Skate Track in Cape Town, South Africa Designed by InHouse

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This fabulous and ingenious residence was created especially for a young man whose interests and hobbies include skating, surfing and enjoying time with close friends and family. Thus, the InHouse team designed a space in which he could carry out his activities while sharing a modern and functional space at the same time. The project was led by creative director Aidan Hart, and senior designer Jenine Bruce, who chose a..

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Matt Fajkus Architects Designed this Low-Lying Dermatology Office in Texas, USA

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American architectural firm Matt Fajkus Architects, based in Austin, designed this low-lying dermatology office – Westland Dermatology — and placed it atop a hill overlooking Texas Hill County, in Marble Falls, Texas, USA. The project was completed in 2017. The structure is made mostly out of concrete and glass, two materials which come together to create an atmosphere that is tranquil and soothing – just what medical patients need. Thanks..

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How to Get Unstuck and Gain Confidence (Even If You Are Ashamed to Make a Change)

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You’re reading How to Get Unstuck and Gain Confidence (Even If You Are Ashamed to Make a Change), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

When things go wrong, when things get stuck, and when you feel there is a reboot needed either in your personal life or professional life – that is the best time for small experiments!

Our problem is we acquire a certain image, type of reaction and behaviour and it runs through our life like a computer program. On the positive side – it helped us achieve all these great things we have. On the negative side, it sets certain limits of our “status quo” and we become constrained, too afraid to leave our comfort zone. For example, we were pushy and thanks to that we closed some deals, but we are too afraid to become more perceptive, because it seems counter logical for our mind.

There are 3 reasons why it is so difficult to leave our secure shell:

1. We do not know, how it will feel to be different than we are.

We have no idea whether people will like us or will hate, disrespect, take advantage of us in a new role. We doubt whether this new undertaking will bring fruit or will be a loss of time and energy. The choice is always ours to stay in our current situation or courageously adapt a change and embark on a fast track of “experiment – result”. When I was 16, I was super shy in school, though I really, really wanted to be successful. As a result, I found the courage to go out and start selling cosmetics door-to-door in the offices. It was difficult to do emotionally, but the results were overwhelming. I managed to balance my shyness and proactivity in a nice blend.

2. We are afraid to loose what we already have.

In our life, we always try to make something out of ourselves, so people consider us worthy of their love. For that we work on our bodies, secure our possessions, build a professional reputation – and these are good things because they spin our world. It is good to always remember, however, that we are not defined by our status quo and our stuff, but only by the source of it, which is our soul and the energy we generate out of it.

3. We are afraid to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is not perceived well in society and we are frightened to acknowledge it. For example, we do not want people to think we are dreamy, stupid, or poor because it will be easier for them to put us down and take advantage of us. The reality looks different. As the saying goes, “A soldier won’t hurt a baby”, the same is true for people around us. They won’t hurt us if we express something we consider “weakness”.

For me, it was a big change to stop doing business, to drop an image of a sharp businesswoman, to stop being professional, and to stop participating in intelligent IT events. Instead, I chose to write this blog, became soft, cute, and sensitive talking about love, happiness, and the wisdom of life. Might seem weird, right? I entered a very vulnerable state for someone like me who used to craft a very different image, but I truly enjoy this change of being more me, and the world is responding favourably.

The bottom line is that we are inclined to act in our standard way. We find all the reasons for doing so, explaining to ourselves and to others that this is the “right” way, the “normal” way, while in essence we are just masking our fear of looking openly at a situation and making a change.

In such cases, try to turn on a “Counter Logical Behaviour”. Counter Logical Behaviour is when you do something against your logic, something you would never have done in the past.  For example, if you always used to rely only on yourself, try to be counter logical and ask people to help you and support you. Or, oppositely, if you were always dependent on others’ emotional or material support – experiment with being self-responsible and self-satisfying. If you always expect love from others – start being the first to give gestures of love with no conditions. Or, if you are always loving, try to experiment and just receive more and more love.

Exercise:

  • Step 1: write down your dream.
  • Step 2: write down what you do now in regards to this dream.
  • Step 3: write down what you can do different, even opposite in regards to this dream.
  • Step 4: drop your fear and just go ahead, experiment with counter logical behaviour.
  • Step 5: analyse the results.

Did you have a life experience when you would argue with someone for hours, for days, months, and even for years, and the situation didn’t change a bit? Or have you had cases when you were very offended by people? What prevented you from doing something differently, from experimenting with your own behaviour and attitude?

________________________

About the Author:

Elena Lori (http://elena.today/)

I am a Happiness Trainer. I study human unhappiness, i.e. all the small and big issues in views and habits that separate people from happiness. I am the best at helping to entrepreneurs and business people with life and business related topics. More about my work at http://elena.today/.  Opt for my free book with 25 psychological exercises or book a session with me, I will bring you joy and awareness.

 

You’ve read How to Get Unstuck and Gain Confidence (Even If You Are Ashamed to Make a Change), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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Which Jane Austen?

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On July 18, the Bank of England marked the bicentenary of Jane Austen’s death by officially unveiling a new £10 note in her honor. It would be nice to imagine that someone at the bank had been reading Thomas Piketty’s Capital in the Twenty-First Century and thought this an appropriate way of acknowledging the woman who figures in it as one of our most clear-sighted guides to the origins of current economic arrangements. But Austen’s shrewdness about money seems to have been far less on anyone’s mind than a desire to rectify the absence of women other than the queen on British currency.

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